My mom rants all day and all night. Her rants are "please help me," even after she has been changed, fed, and all her needs met. Any advice?

Your mom is not only suffering from dementia but also from anxiety, The world and her thoughts are very scary to her. Please talk with her doctor about medications to help her relax and not feel so stressed or scared. Also ask about medications to help her fall asleep and stay asleep (2 different types of sleep problems) so everybody can get a good night's sleep.

I don't know her age, but a full dr exam is necessary- I have often heard that Urinary Tract infections in the elderly cause behavior changes, without typical symptoms of an UTI that younger people have.
It could be fears of aging, it could be a physical issue but start with a dr visit.

Repetitive vocalizations are not uncommon in people with dementia, those telling you it isn't normal haven't got a clue.

With my mother one was "turn me over" (she could no longer turn herself in bed). But since she could say that in a loop for an hour or more at a time or even when she was sitting in her chair it was obvious that repositioning wasn't what she needed. In my experience these vocalizations can be worse when there is some kind of unmet need but it can be a game of 20 questions figuring out what the real problem is, and sometimes there seems to be no cause at all so it is impossible to fix. Although you can learn to ignore it to a degree it can really get under your skin, especially if it is happening through the night and disturbing sleep.
Work with the doctor to get control of the sundowning, insist on it because if you can't sleep it will affect you ability to find a compassionate way to provide care through the days and you WILL burn out.

Yes, something is going on. It may be dementia, infection or some other diagnosis. But one thing is certain, Your mother has experienced great changes in her life over which she has little control and no solution.
I didn't know your mother, but I can guess that
like others her age, she used to be capable of many things.

She was a wife and a mother. She used to have responsibilities of; running a household; providing transportation, preparing clean clothing, nourishing meals; and perhaps working for a paycheck as well. People used to come to her for advice and/or comfort. She could manage Birthday parties and Chicken Pox, Teacher conferences and drivers training. yet still be there for her husband.

But lately, she has little control over most things... maybe not even her bowels or bladder. It's a tremendous loss. And she is grieving.
But she doesn't know how to express it. It often comes out as anger, falsely directed toward those who care about her the most, her family.
You must decide what's best for her. It won't be a return to what she remembers or what she wants. But you know her better than anybody. Try not to take her anger personally. Take a little time out for yourselves so you can think calmly and reasonably and then respond to her the same way.

You need to give her CBD. NO QUESTION

Make sure she is hydrated. My mother, who never had dementia but was in a nursing home, hated to drink much water cause she was afraid to wet the bed or have to go and not be able to get an aide to come fast enough. One day it caught up with her and she became very dehydrated, taken to hospital after she lost her mind with paranoia, not trusting any one, not knowing her own kids and when she did communicate she pulled out everything I imagine she had thought during her life time and threw it at anyone standing there. Yelling and swearing. I was stunned. A couple days of fluids in an IV to rehydrate her, she went back to herself and didn't remember the episode. You and your family can't keep this up. You have to take care of yourself first, hard to do, but she can't understand that. A visit to the doctor is definitely called for and I agree about a possible UTI. My husband, an invalid but still at home, became very mentally changed one night, called 911, and the first thing the hospital checked for was a UTI. Turned out to be one of the meds he was taking, but apparently UTIs can have a dementia like effect on the elderly. Maybe even take a short video of her behavior so he can see what you are talking about. You could see about taking her to a nursing home that does respite care like for a week or so, give you and the family some time to get some sleep. My SIL has Alzheimers and she calms down when she watching a nature show with lots of animal on it. Wishing you the best.

Here are videos that might help:
https://fb.watch/dUJMhv5fuv/
https://youtu.be/tYNxcXLwZjA

Have her checked for a UTI but also be prepared my grandma did this for a week or so before she passed. You see it in the assisted living and rehab environments a-lot. In those settings they tend to just ignore it because it does not stop. My moms roommate at the hospital after her stroke was like that.

I agree with others on getting her checked for a UTI. Their behavior can be extra difficult when they have a UTI. If no UTI, anxiety medication may be needed to keep her calm. It is extremely difficult to have to endure this every day. If you’re fearful of being turned in for abuse, put a camera in her room and record your encounters and her behavior. My heart goes out to you and your family during this season of her life.

Touring a dementia care facility, reasonably a portion was allotted for folks in the later stages. In those sections a few residents hollered. I'm guessing it's not uncommon. Those folks were in rooms with dutch doors. As we passed some would pause their cries.

After you've eliminated a UTI as a possible cause that may be compounding her distress, you might find that positioning her bed so that she always sees people may not only be mercifully comforting to her but hopefully a solution for you.

You said that she stops yelling when someone comes in.

If you can arrange this, and it works, throw a comment at her once in a while.
Include her as you would an uncomprehending baby in some conversation. "Looking good mom". "Did you hear that song?" "Oh, my that nut on T.V. said I can loose weight by eating more dark chocolate. Hey, that's for us, right mom?"

If repositioning her bed is not possible, maybe playing a video loop, hopefully with audio, of family events and outings. My husband's Simpl (no "e") radio loops 40 big band tunes. It's very soothing to him.

Try carrying a medium to large sized stuffed animal (the same one) each time you/anyone goes for a to visit her but when you/they walk out take it with you (only if she doesn't mind) and as though you were naturally taking something unimportant and incidental.

It's a long-shot but she may associate it with people, or a thing apart of people. Try doing this for a couple of weeks, then leave it next to her, her's always from then on. She may take solace with it in her lonely, senseless, cut off world.

My best wishes.

Eri, I don't know what stops this type of behavior. Hopefully, her doctor can direct you to a solution.

My heart goes out to you all. This is one of the very hardest symptoms to deal with. It frazzles your nerves, frustrates you and makes you feel like you are loosing it.

I just pray that this doesn't last long and the doctors find a way for her to be less anxious.

Sleep deprivation is a "line in the sand" issue; humans don't do well when sleep deprived. Perhaps, if you call Adult Protective Services to evaluate her, you will not be suspected of any elder abuse: it takes a village to appease and protect the elderly. Perhaps you can find respite care/day care in your area to introduce Mom to a professional environment.

P.S. Recording her and/or video recording her will help the evaluation if Mom switches her personality when strangers show up (Called, "show timing.")

Person’s with dementia cannot tell you if they are in pain. Use the Abby pain scale to determine if that is going on. Also, speak to her doctor/neurologist about what may be anxiety related to mental confusion. Medication might help. Also, television with special programs of funny animals and babies seem to distract and cheer the elderly.

If you want mom to continue to live at home, or even if you are ready to place her in a facility that can meet her needs, talk to her doctor about medication to help with anxiety and assist with sleep.

Either your mom has dementia or AD or she's an attention seeker. If she has either of these memory issues, it may be time to consider other options. like a nursing home or a memory impairment facility. If she's looking for attention, maybe you could speak to her Dr. and see what he/she says. If she's looking for attention, check into day programs to keep her busy. By the time she gets home, she maybe too tired to be demanding. Or if she has some sort of insurance, you could looking into a home health aide to keep her company.
Whatever you do, make an appointment with her Dr. first.

Good Luck

Get her to Dr ….make sure she isn’t in actual pain somewhere and make sure she doesn’t have a UTI (urinary track infection). It sounds silly, but a UTI in elderly with dementia can do freaky things to them.

After Dr has determined no physical cause for her distress, then, as with many answers here…try to tire her out in the day with activities she enjoys. Keep her on a daily schedule. Try fidget toys. Keep her in rooms with other family whenever possible. And yes, see if the Dr can prescribe anti depressant or anti anxiety meds. Sleep inducing tea may be helpful to calm her.

I also agree, try to not bombard her with words/questions. Be calm. Yeah I know, it’s hard. This disease is a bear.

if none of those work, then I do think it’s time for her to be placed in a facility that can manage her. I’m betting you and your family have done all you can.
Keep us posted.

Ditto on response from NYDaughterInLaw!
Classic behavior of Dementia due to Alzheimer's. I'm going through very similar with my mom and right now she's home and I'm living with her and helping her, but eventually she will need to be placed in an assisted living facility because I will not be able to do it alone and neither can you!!

Who addresses your mother's hygiene needs such bathing/showering, teeth/denture cleanings, etc.?

I ask because high levels of bacteria in the mouth can impact a person's mood and actions, and a UTI can develop from not getting regular thorough showers/baths which can cause a variety of issues such as confusion, irritability, hallucinations, etc. --- all of this on top of what she already has.

Has mom been diagnosed?

How often is she seen by her doctor?

How long has she been in this current condition?

Your mother has Alzheimer's. Unfortunately, many people with Alzheimer's scream and say the same things over and over. Your mother's brain is broken and you cannot reason with her.

If you want to continue keeping her at home, you need to get her medication that calms her down so that the rest of you - who are trying to live with her - can get some peace, quiet and sleep.

Her needs are only going to increase as her disease progresses. You may want to think about where to place her when/if her needs become too much for you to handle and too much for your 14 year old.

As with caregiving, multigenerational living must work for everyone involved.

As lealonnie noted, get her to the doctor right away. UTIs are much more serious in the elderly and if she has continence issues she's likely to get one. Have her checked out for a variety of problems.

Also, realize that dementia is an ever changing disease with various phases that may come and go. Possibly the ranting will go away on it's own. In the meantime start seeking out a facility. It's time. None of you can provide good care for your Mom if you are exhausted and grumpy.

Here's a helpful hint to try. Don't ask her questions. Especially a lot of them. "What do you need help with? Are you hungry? Are you dry? Want to watch TV? Want oatmeal or yogurt for breakfast?"..... A person with a demented mind can't determine what they want and simply cannot process all those questions. If you simply (ha ha, like anything is simple here!) distract and redirect it may help. Move into another room, or another chair. Hand her something to hold. Don't talk at all. Conversation on any level is very frustrating when it's hard to process or form new sentences, hence constant repetition of a fully formed phrase. Hers happens to be Help Me or Please Don't.

My Dad with Alzheimers had a "fiddle muff ". Its a bulky knitted tube about a foot long and with attached things on the inside and the outside. A key, large button, string of chunky beads, tassel, a large die, shred of satin, you get the idea. Lots of different textures and shapes. The first time I gave it to him was after he said his hands were cold and he tucked them in. After a moment I knew he had found the items. He spent a long time rummaging around in the muff feeling for different things. He was very focused on it for a long time.
It's tempting to ask "can you find the key?" but only do that on a good day when she is more cognizant. Otherwise just let her fiddle.
Mine was made by our local knitting group. Its a great way for them to use up leftover yarn and many groups look for charitable causes to knit for.
And keep looking for placement. Your daughter needs you, your father needs rest, and you need your life.
Best of luck to you all.

My dad cried all the time. His dr. put him on an SSRI to calm anxiety and he was a different person. Your mom's brain is running on empty and she probably has short term memory loss to the point where she doesn't know you're near by.
Take her to get diagnosed (neurologist), and what I did was make a bullet point list of things I needed to talk to him about. They appreciated the list so much because the dr. could read it before he talked to us. This is such a hard time of life but you will get through it. Love your mom, take her to the Dr. and get her on some medication that will stabilize her brain functions and emotions. Please let us know how it goes.

Sounds like it’s time for a memory care facility.

Your Mom probably cannot think to remember you are nearby any longer. When you are gone, she fears you aren't nearby. All of the answers you have received are probably to the point. Certainly see a geriatric physician concerning anti-anxiety or sleeping meds for her. It is slimly possible that a video or tape of you chatting might help. Or even an intercom device where she can see or hear you about. I think this is the problem with a lot of older people who are demanding. They are like an infant that isn't aware that you will definitely return when you are out of sight. However, unlike an infant they don't learn new things, they don't learn that you will show up as they get older. They aren't seeking attention in the sense of being demanding or "spoiled"; they are scared they are permanently alone. And they can no longer reason with or reassure themself. They can't care for themself. This doesn't make your situation easier, other than not thinking she is deliberately being difficult for the sake of it. But with this in mind, you might think of ways of addressing it, including placement. In a facility, people are walking by or talking in the hallway, there are noises around, staff can pop in on their way somewhere, or other residents are noisy. All of these things can be reassuring. Often, in a home, people fix up their basement or an add on room, out of the line of traffic, and wonder why the aged one insists on sitting in the middle of all the activity. It seems like she is bedridden?, if so, she can't tire herself out in a daycare activity setting. She can rest all the time, and is still full of beans all night. Again, meds might help this, or is a gerichair (sort of a supportive safe wheelchair) might be a possibility so she can be near the family's comings and goings. Seeing other people can be very comforting. Good luck; it is a sad thing for all or you.

Has she been diagnosed? My mom has Alzheimer’s and does the same thing doctor put her on zyprexa. It seems to ground her more. I sure sleep better! ♥️

Time to call the doc. Does she have a geriatric doctor? Time to get one. Or a geriatric psychiatrist?. They can put her on meds. It's anxiety that's coming out that way. Very common in nursing homes with dementia pts. It's time for some meds. It's not drugging her, it's calming for her, and will relieve her constant worry. They get stuck in a phrase loop. Or a couple of phrases. They can say them for hours over and over. I've seen it till exhaustion. Its like they are compelled and can't stop.
Please get her help. And you and your family will keep your sanity. No need to have guilt over it. It is quite common altho distressing. Your doing a good job, all her needs are taken care of. Its nothing your doing/not doing. Your family needs calm too. So does she. Good luck.

Time to call the doc. Does she have a geriatric doctor? Time to get one. Or a geriatric psychiatrist?. They can put her on meds. It's anxiety that's coming out that way. Very common in nursing homes with dementia pts. It's time for some meds. It's not drugging her, it's calming for her, and will relieve her constant worry. They get stuck in a phrase loop. Or a couple of phrases.
Please get her help. And you and your family will keep your sanity. No need to have guilt over it. It is quite common altho distressing. Good luck.

One thing I wanted to note in addition to what everyone else has said is that not all nursing homes are created equal. Nursing homes have been given a bad rap because there’s been so many poorly run and neglectful facilities. But there are good ones out there. Same thing with assisted living and memory care programs. If you decide to place your mother in one please don’t think she hast to stay in that one if none of you are happy with that first choice. Don’t hesitate to find another one. I know it’s a hard decision and your mom may not want to go but it may be the best option for her. It was a hard decision for myself but I knew that neither my sister nor I were able to fully take care of her the way that a facility could. We had her in one facility and when her level of care increased she went to a different area of the facility. We were not happy with the new level of care she got or was getting in so I moved her to a second facility and they are taking such great care of her but also taking great care of Me and my sister.

Sadly, this is the dementia experience for some.

*Attention seeking behaviours*. Also called *separation anxiety* like with babies. Mostly anxiety - fearful without constant company, attention or hand holding.

Exhausting for caregivers!
Those with deep pockets hire a sitter all day.

Discuss with her Doctor - medication may be suggested to help knock down some of the anxiety.

Can be pain? Look for clues there too.

My suggestion is to place her in a facility. If you don't want to do that, try to get her Dr. to prescribe some good medications to calm her down. I am sorry, it is not going to get better (I'm assuming she has dementia).

The only way you or your dad will get any rest is to place here, you both need to rest and are entitled to a life. Your son deserves better, this is not fair to him.