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Also.... "I want my teeth," and "I want a drink" and all these things will have been done for her. She will yell all day and throughout the night. When we go in and ask her what is wrong she says nothing. She also yells "please don't" and says my name or my dad's name. I am scared that a neighbor will think she is being hurt and police called and I'll end up going to jail or my mom being taken away. My dad can't sleep nor can myself or my 14-year-old. He works at home and my daughter has school. Why is my mom ranting all the time? People have said it's not normal that something else is going on. Any suggestions?

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As suggested in your previous post, call your mom's doctor stat......tell him or her what's going on with your mother and ask for meds to calm her down. Get her in to see the doctor for a full exam to make sure she hasn't had a stroke or some other life altering event that you are unaware of.

Your main goal is to care for your 14 year old, who should not be subjected to your mom ranting and raving 24/7 and to have their childhood ruined in the process. Look into Memory Care Assisted Living for her so ALL of you can live a normal life moving forward now. It's the right thing to do.

Educate yourself about dementia/ALZ and what lies ahead for you if you insist on taking care of her inside the home. Of course it's not 'normal' that she's ranting all the time; but then again, there is nothing 'normal' about Alz/dementia!

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Another good book is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin.

Good luck getting mom's doctor involved with her care now, getting her calming meds, and making a decision about her future care.
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I think this won't change, Ari, and I think that you may need to accept it is time for Nursing Home or Memory Care. Medication sometimes helps a bit but makes the senior more prone to falls. Like so many things about dementia, there is just no "fix it" and it can't be made right. You have a 14 year old who needs education about dementia, but to my mind this is a crucial age in which she really needs her family, her immediate nuclear family and their support. While this having Mom with you teaches compassion, teens NEED you and your time.
I wish you the very very best. I am so sorry these are such tough times. I do think it is time to plan on long term care.
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Often with dementia a phrase, a word, a noise will be in a loop.
My Husband moaned. Sometimes loudly, sometimes a bit more quiet but it was constant.
If you have ever been in a hospital or facility and hear someone yelling "help me" or crying out in what sounds like pain often this is the same as what your mom is doing.
There are medications that can help with the anxiety. Talk to her doctor about it. make sure that the phrases that she uses is documented just in case there is a call the doctors office can verify that this has been an ongoing issue and that you are dealing with it.
Reassure your mom that she is safe.
If she is in a different room bring her to the room where people are this m ight help if she is feeling isolated.
At night if she is kept busy during the day and is on a set schedule and with the proper medication she may have an easier time getting to sleep.
There are over the counter products that might help. Sleepytime tea might help.
AVOID over the counter nighttime sleep products and things like Benadryl these can make a person with dementia have an even foggier brain in the morning and it may last a much longer time.
It may get to a point where you might have to consider Memory Care for her so that the rest of the family can survive. This is not giving up it just means that her needs are more than you can handle at home.

**a side note here....
If she is in pain then the calling out is completely understandable and the pain issue should be addressed.
there is a good possibility that with the diagnosis of dementia, the fact that he is now confined to bed she may be eligible for Hospice. Their goal is to make sure that she is not in pain and she is comfortable. It might be worth a call to the Hospice of your choice and have her evaluated. Getting a GOOD alternating pressure mattress is important not only for her comfort but to help prevent pressure sores.
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Time to call the doc. Does she have a geriatric doctor? Time to get one. Or a geriatric psychiatrist?. They can put her on meds. It's anxiety that's coming out that way. Very common in nursing homes with dementia pts. It's time for some meds. It's not drugging her, it's calming for her, and will relieve her constant worry. They get stuck in a phrase loop. Or a couple of phrases. They can say them for hours over and over. I've seen it till exhaustion. Its like they are compelled and can't stop.
Please get her help. And you and your family will keep your sanity. No need to have guilt over it. It is quite common altho distressing. Your doing a good job, all her needs are taken care of. Its nothing your doing/not doing. Your family needs calm too. So does she. Good luck.
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AnnReid Jun 2022
Overtime.
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Your Mom probably cannot think to remember you are nearby any longer. When you are gone, she fears you aren't nearby. All of the answers you have received are probably to the point. Certainly see a geriatric physician concerning anti-anxiety or sleeping meds for her. It is slimly possible that a video or tape of you chatting might help. Or even an intercom device where she can see or hear you about. I think this is the problem with a lot of older people who are demanding. They are like an infant that isn't aware that you will definitely return when you are out of sight. However, unlike an infant they don't learn new things, they don't learn that you will show up as they get older. They aren't seeking attention in the sense of being demanding or "spoiled"; they are scared they are permanently alone. And they can no longer reason with or reassure themself. They can't care for themself. This doesn't make your situation easier, other than not thinking she is deliberately being difficult for the sake of it. But with this in mind, you might think of ways of addressing it, including placement. In a facility, people are walking by or talking in the hallway, there are noises around, staff can pop in on their way somewhere, or other residents are noisy. All of these things can be reassuring. Often, in a home, people fix up their basement or an add on room, out of the line of traffic, and wonder why the aged one insists on sitting in the middle of all the activity. It seems like she is bedridden?, if so, she can't tire herself out in a daycare activity setting. She can rest all the time, and is still full of beans all night. Again, meds might help this, or is a gerichair (sort of a supportive safe wheelchair) might be a possibility so she can be near the family's comings and goings. Seeing other people can be very comforting. Good luck; it is a sad thing for all or you.
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Leslie59 Jun 2022
These are great suggestions- I agree that loneliness can definitely cause anxiety and constant calling out for help. I don’t think if it as attention-seeking, I think of it as a completely normal way to communicate for someone who who feels isolated and doesn’t understand why. Is there a professional caregiver involved, or could there be? We are able to still have my 96 year-old father at home with my 91 mom (who is blessedly still in great shape). My dad has been in hospice at home for the past 2 years- bed-bound, and with significant dementia (not Alzheimer’s). The only way we have made this work is to have a professional caregiver at our home during the day. This is actually less expensive than a facility, and we knew dad wanted to stay home. He gets a lot of attention from the caregiver during the day, and my mom feeds him breakfast, and dinner and hangs out with him in the evening. He is on some low-dose antidepressant and at bedtime he gets some low-dose of a calming drug.
it would have been devastating for him (and us) to put him in a facility, where he likely would have felt much more lonely. And the caregiver being present relieves my mom of a lot of the burden of caregiving.

I also love the fiddle-muff idea from Swanalaka-brilliant!
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As lealonnie noted, get her to the doctor right away. UTIs are much more serious in the elderly and if she has continence issues she's likely to get one. Have her checked out for a variety of problems.

Also, realize that dementia is an ever changing disease with various phases that may come and go. Possibly the ranting will go away on it's own. In the meantime start seeking out a facility. It's time. None of you can provide good care for your Mom if you are exhausted and grumpy.

Here's a helpful hint to try. Don't ask her questions. Especially a lot of them. "What do you need help with? Are you hungry? Are you dry? Want to watch TV? Want oatmeal or yogurt for breakfast?"..... A person with a demented mind can't determine what they want and simply cannot process all those questions. If you simply (ha ha, like anything is simple here!) distract and redirect it may help. Move into another room, or another chair. Hand her something to hold. Don't talk at all. Conversation on any level is very frustrating when it's hard to process or form new sentences, hence constant repetition of a fully formed phrase. Hers happens to be Help Me or Please Don't.

My Dad with Alzheimers had a "fiddle muff ". Its a bulky knitted tube about a foot long and with attached things on the inside and the outside. A key, large button, string of chunky beads, tassel, a large die, shred of satin, you get the idea. Lots of different textures and shapes. The first time I gave it to him was after he said his hands were cold and he tucked them in. After a moment I knew he had found the items. He spent a long time rummaging around in the muff feeling for different things. He was very focused on it for a long time.
It's tempting to ask "can you find the key?" but only do that on a good day when she is more cognizant. Otherwise just let her fiddle.
Mine was made by our local knitting group. Its a great way for them to use up leftover yarn and many groups look for charitable causes to knit for.
And keep looking for placement. Your daughter needs you, your father needs rest, and you need your life.
Best of luck to you all.
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TriedandTrue Jun 2022
What a great idea-a fiddle muff! My 96-year-old dad isn’t ranting, but he’s bored and no longer capable of doing sudoku or anything mechanical like he used to do. He has mild dementia and is in an AL facility, but won’t participate in any activities. This muff is an awesome idea. I’m going to get right on it. Thank you!
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Repetitive vocalizations are not uncommon in people with dementia, those telling you it isn't normal haven't got a clue.

With my mother one was "turn me over" (she could no longer turn herself in bed). But since she could say that in a loop for an hour or more at a time or even when she was sitting in her chair it was obvious that repositioning wasn't what she needed. In my experience these vocalizations can be worse when there is some kind of unmet need but it can be a game of 20 questions figuring out what the real problem is, and sometimes there seems to be no cause at all so it is impossible to fix. Although you can learn to ignore it to a degree it can really get under your skin, especially if it is happening through the night and disturbing sleep.
Work with the doctor to get control of the sundowning, insist on it because if you can't sleep it will affect you ability to find a compassionate way to provide care through the days and you WILL burn out.
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Your mother has Alzheimer's. Unfortunately, many people with Alzheimer's scream and say the same things over and over. Your mother's brain is broken and you cannot reason with her.

If you want to continue keeping her at home, you need to get her medication that calms her down so that the rest of you - who are trying to live with her - can get some peace, quiet and sleep.

Her needs are only going to increase as her disease progresses. You may want to think about where to place her when/if her needs become too much for you to handle and too much for your 14 year old.

As with caregiving, multigenerational living must work for everyone involved.
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cpell122112 Jun 2022
I wouldn't have chosen those words about her "brain being broken" but I agree.
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Yes, something is going on. It may be dementia, infection or some other diagnosis. But one thing is certain, Your mother has experienced great changes in her life over which she has little control and no solution.
I didn't know your mother, but I can guess that
like others her age, she used to be capable of many things.

She was a wife and a mother. She used to have responsibilities of; running a household; providing transportation, preparing clean clothing, nourishing meals; and perhaps working for a paycheck as well. People used to come to her for advice and/or comfort. She could manage Birthday parties and Chicken Pox, Teacher conferences and drivers training. yet still be there for her husband.

But lately, she has little control over most things... maybe not even her bowels or bladder. It's a tremendous loss. And she is grieving.
But she doesn't know how to express it. It often comes out as anger, falsely directed toward those who care about her the most, her family.
You must decide what's best for her. It won't be a return to what she remembers or what she wants. But you know her better than anybody. Try not to take her anger personally. Take a little time out for yourselves so you can think calmly and reasonably and then respond to her the same way.
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Lovemymamaso Jun 2022
What a beautiful response 😊
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Sounds like it’s time for a memory care facility.
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KaleyBug Jun 2022
Not necessarily it all depends on what a person can handle
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