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The last two times he has been to the dentist, they wanted him to get a new crown. He refuses. It is time for the six month checkup. His dental hygiene is very poor to say the least. I think it is unnecessary to take him to this visit. He has always hated going and fights me for every doctor appointment. Anyone else experiencing this?

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My parents' AL aides will help my father brush twice a day although it's not really thorough enough but we also have private aides a few times a week, that help him use a water pik device which is much better at cleaning his teeth. If he doesn't use it then he just sits there picking at his teeth himself which drives me crazy. I think it is normal that assisted living places help their residents brush 2x a day, I would definitely ask about that. It's a daily ADL routine like helping them dress and toilet. I definitely have a hard time helping my father clean his teeth, as it makes me feel nauseous, am grateful when the aides help him. His teeth are terrible now and I haven't had the energy or courage to try to bring him the dentist for last two years, as he has severe dementia and I don't think he could tolerate getting the x-rays which they insist are needed before doing a cleaning. At least he hasn't lost another tooth since he went into AL with my mother. He used to have a beautiful smile and was so handsome. Makes me very sad.
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Reply to ConstanceS
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Someone mentioned the idea of "playing with floss". In that same vein, have you thought about an electric toothbrush? They bet teeth clean plus stimulate the gums. As someone else said, "good enough" is all you need.
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Reply to ChoirNut
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My mom is 97 and lives in an assisted-living facility. Sibs and I are wondering whether to get her back to the dentist for a cleaning. Mom hasn't brushed her teeth herself in several years, and the task isn't something that my sister (POA and visits Mom almost every day) will do or ask the staff to help Mom with. I think it would be okay to permanently end the dental cleanings; the hospice nurse said we should continue. (To paraphrase her, "Your mom could live for 3 more years. This will help with her quality of life." To paraphrase my brain, "Yay. 3 more years....")
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Reply to Rosered6
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Not confined to aged - lots of people make excuses and avoid doctors and dentists. Myabe tell him dental issues can cause heart problems and you'd prefer he didnt have a heart attack ? Its true actually - poor dental health can cause heart issues - otherwise maybe introduce him to mouth wash - being careful if he smokes what ones you cant use. And have a bucket net to him for him to rinse and spit out - might help? dont forget your gloves! Failing that you just have to leave him be if he wont?
ps = a dentist years ago told me flossing is much better than brushing because its the plaque that gathers between the teeth that cause the decay and issues? He may feel like playing with some floss? As long as his teeth arent weak and he end up knocking them out! ..Maybe pose question to the dentist?
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Reply to Jenny10
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I think it is unnecessary, but this response is my from experience with my husband. I would schedule him for teeth cleanings, and he would refuse the day of the appointment. I would have had community EMS scheduled to transport him, have had caregiver schedule changed, my work schedule changed, etc. One of the last hygiene visits they tried to schedule several appointments for all these fillings which I did not think he needed. I cancelled those. He doesn't brush his teeth regularly even though asked. He's an 88 year old on hospice.

I do keep plenty of floss picks on hand, and he uses those constantly.
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Reply to Foamergirl
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Once my dad’s dementia progressed to the point where he rarely brushed, we also stopped with the dental checkups. He said a tooth hurt at one point. He was able to sit and cooperate in the dentist’s chair long enough to have it pulled. But I would not have considered putting him through a crown. The longer time went on with him and dementia, the more I saw the wisdom in not fighting or insisting on things that really were no longer essential.
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Reply to Suzy23
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A lovely lady with dementia that I was caring for before I retired did not take proper care of her teeth and her family was not inclined to jump in and help. She was supposed to go to the dentist every 3 months to have her teeth cleaned... Her appointments were just not kept up. She wasn't in any pain or anything like that just a lack of motivation all around. When I came on board I had a frank talk with the dentist and the hygienist and they taught me how to help her clean her teeth... Including using the proxa brushes for cleaning in between the teeth and keeping the gums sturdy and healthy. (I even started using proxa brushes I talked to them for myself) When I helped her she was more cooperative. I would have a honest talk with her dentist about how to keep the teeth and gums clean and healthy .... You can ask them to help you learn. Sometimes even rubbing the teeth with a washcloth etc will get the plaque off. But the posters are correct... Teeth and gum infections can lead to sepsis. And that's a terrible thing to end up with.
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Reply to Hrmgrandcna
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Proper brushing may not be possible but you shouldn't let perfect get in the way of good enough. See if you can get him to let you swab around his teeth and gums with those sponge-on-a-stick oral care things, dipped in mouthwash and/or peroxide. That will clean out any food he may be pocketing plus should help treat or prevent gum disease, which is probably the most you can hope for.
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Reply to cwillie
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Great suggestions here. I provide a mouth rinse with a touch of hydrogen peroxide for my mother to do, typically twice a day. She can still brush her teeth, but not well. I put the toothpaste on the brush for her and then walk to the other room and monitor from afar. I don’t do well with saliva and spit, so have just not added brushing mom's teeth to my plate. In addition to this, I take my mother to dental cleanings every 3 months, instead of every 6 and it’s working well now. She has to take antibiotics before each dental visit due to heart issues, this is why I stay on her dental care, as much as I can, but I can only do so much and don’t feel guilty about it. I’ve already let her dentist and other providers know this.
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Reply to WayLeadsOn2Way
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Brush his teeth for him if he will let you---try to make it a fun thing to do together---just like a child. I sing the tooth song (I made up) with my mom and she is fine with it. She was resistant at first. Also hospice referred me to the Divine Diva---she is a hygenist that will come to your home. Some dentists will do house calls.
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Reply to Sunny2110
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You do know the dental industry has pushed their products on people since God knows when. Dental care is not mandatory although it is of benefit. Skipping a day or two is not that harmful.. At 88 myself, I have never used toothpaste again since when I was a child, the smell made me throw up. I brush with flavored mouthwash. Waking someone up to brush their teeth is a caretaker problem not the patient's.
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Reply to Bonanzatree
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Many seniors refuse dental care because they are paying for so many other medical expenses. Do you use an antibacterial mouthwash? It is also important with most medications to encourage rinsing teeth with water. Discuss ideas or possible strategies with the hygenist and dentist there are some oral sponges and gels that are out there. I know that some seniors prefer a water pick. But feeding and nutrition will be affected. Have a lovely day. Toothpaste flavors, denture options in the future, tooth replacements could be options.
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Reply to Senior8
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I had an aide tell me Mom was not brushing her teeth. Really, when living with me, I had to stop her when she brushed her teeth. I asked if she put the toothpaste on her brush and then handed it to her. I got that look, so knew she hadn't. Not saying you don't do this but just in case.

There are disposable sponge toothbrushes you can get. Put sponge toothbrushes in search at Amazon to see what I mean. With these maybe you can do a good swipe. I would not put your husband through a crown. Too many steps for a Dementia patient to go through. Just have the tooth pulled. Make sure he gets antibotics before and after.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I agree to see if you can brush them for him, or if he would be willing to use a mouth rinse. Maybe he has gum disease and brushing hurts...
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Reply to Geaton777
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Take your husband to the dentist for extractions only, as necessary. My mother lived to 95 without sepsis killing her from bad teeth, for petesake! But dementia and congestive heart failure did her in, without regular dental checkups, believe it or not. Dragging a severely demented elder to the dentist for cleanings and checkups is ludicrous. Stick to your guns on this one, regardless of the fear mongering that goes on around here.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Have you tried just brushing your husbands teeth for him? Towards the end of my husbands life I had to brush his teeth for him, and I no longer took him to any dental appointments as it wasn't worth the time or trouble.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I agree with you. Some things are just too much to deal with at the moment. Understand though that it could lead to sepsis and death eventually.
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Reply to southernwave
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funkygrandma59 Nov 24, 2025
So will dementia lead to death eventually, so I guess take your pick.
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Tooth problems may lead to pockets of infection in the gums which can quickly move to a sepsis situation, even to death. You, if you are POA, may be looking at some conscious sedation for dental care if there are serious issues.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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