Follow
Share

He doesn’t remember that he does it & it’s difficult to cancel. So far it has cost us a few thousand dollars if I don’t catch it right away. He gets very angry when confronted says he’s not. But I have stopped him before. How do I stop these calls or control his actions? He still wants his phone.

No more confronting him, that’s not working or helping either of you. He’s lost the ability to make sound decisions, that puts you in charge now, but it can be done without confrontation. Either install blocks on his phone or change the phone out entirely to one better suited to the situation, such as one with no internet access, and only contacts that you program into it. Give family and friends firm instructions not to aid in altering what you’ve set up in his best interests. Don’t acknowledge the changes other than to say this is his phone now. I’m sorry it’s gotten so difficult and wish you much peace
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

I replaced my Mom's phone with a Raz Mobility phone. It looks like a smart phone. It is controlled by your smart phone with an app and is easy. He doesn't have to have a keypad, so he can't dial out unapproved numbers. Contacts all have large pictures so he just presses them to call. There's no internet, no texting. You control when he can call out. It has a 911 funtion that can be live or not.

My Mom was calling all sorts of customer support numbers complaining about her appliances that she was forgetting how to operate. She'd be having service calls, getting multiple new tv remotes, calling neighbors to do tasks because I wasn't doing them fast enough, etc. She of course doesn't like the lack of her control but that's too bad -- it made everyone else's life easier in caring for her.

When your husband is unaware, lose his phone and then replace it with a different one, like the Raz.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

You can get a phone with parental controls that limits his calls to numbers you've approved, like family members.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to MG8522
Report

We took mom's phone away. It was over a year before she finally stopped talking about it, but this past Christmas she asked my kids if they got her a phone for Christmas. I had hoped she wouldn't circle back to that again as it has now been over a year since she brought it up. At least we don't have to apologize to the FBI anymore for mom's swatting escapades. She was very, very unpleasant about it, but we made it clear to all family members that mom was not to ever have a phone again. In your case you might just need to cancel the phone plan or get him a locked down one and see about getting him medicated if he is overly stressed out.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to JustAnon
Report

You can't live this way. Cancel his phone if you can't be sure what he is going to do next. He will get angry and it will be unpleasant but if you cannot control his actions this is what you need to do.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Hothouseflower
Report

He can't have a normal phone anymore and it no longer matters whether he wants it or not. You will need to, at minimum, change is phone settings to only accept calls from numbers in his contacts. And you should review his contacts first! But seriously, he not safe to have a phone or to use one without supervision. That is the reality, whether he likes it or not. You'll need to be the bad guy, unfortunately. Another option is to simply block all calls and have them forwarded to you until you can be sure that it is safe to cancel it. It is tricky because I know accounts, etc, are often tied to cell numbers, but you need to move all of those things to your phone eventually anyway.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to ShirleyDot
Report

With the help of my husband’s bank (I am on his account) they explained that I could turn his card off and he won’t be able to use it. If he complains to you, you can explain that it got turned off because he was getting scammed. If it is a legitimate charge, you can turn it back on, make the purchase, and then turn it back off. Just don’t show him how to do it.

The second thing I did was to get him a new phone number. Now, because his old phone number isn’t linked to his name, he doesn’t get phone calls from people trying to scam him. The bank told me that scammers sell their lists of vulnerable seniors to other scammers. I just notified friends and family of his new number. AT&T transferred his old contact list to his new number.

BTW - him frequently getting scammed was the first thing that made me contact his primary care doctor to see if something might be wrong. He ordered a bunch of tests and the ultimate diagnosis was Alzheimer’s. It happened during Covid so it took awhile because he met with doctors via Zoom. They were finally comfortable making the diagnosis when they were able to meet him face to face. Now that I know he has it, I understand him and the disease so much better.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Kartyjb
Report

With dementia, your husband no longer has judgement to make decisions. If it is a smartphone, trade it out for a flip phone. Block out unwanted calls and limit who can be called to known people.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Patathome01
Report

Read up on a “RAZ” phone. You control things from your own smartphone. You set up a contact list and only those on his list can call in. Bought one for my husband for about $350. Sounds pricey, but it has been worth every single penny for the peace of mind it gives me. No internet access on this phone, but it looks like a smart phone. I can see any calls he receives or makes. Too many things you can do with the Raz to list here.
Just check it out.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to datanp97
Report

You need to both take his phone, and stop his access to his money and assets before he loses them all. You can make sure he has a small account that you can put a bit of money in for him to spend.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Lylii1
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter