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I feel like I walk on eggshells here. He is so frail but if things don't go his way, he goes into a total meltdown. The worst was last spring when I 'tried' get the car keys from him. That ended up with police, handcuffs, and 5 days in the hospital. I try so hard not to get him upset because I can't believe that's healthy for him. He is treated with medication for anxiety and dementia. I have conservatorship and guardianship and he hasn't done well with that. Now we're dealing with his 'control' issues in giving up control of the money. Once again today I see he cashed his pension check. He has no need for more cash in his house (he pays cash for everything and we have allowed him his own checking account) but he already has a lot of cash. If I try to take control if it, he will end up in a full-blown meltdown again. I have reached out to my attorney for advice and made sure he knows, once again, that I have no idea where the incoming money is going. He puts some of it in his account, and cashes the rest. I have plenty in my conservatorship account.

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I'd seek advice from the attorney as to what your authority is and what you need to do to take control to protect his assets. It's usually difficult to protect dementia patients from themselves, but, it can be done legally.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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Hopefully he is not back to driving. That seems the way he might be making purchases and deposits. He sounds as though he might need different medication. It seems as though you are dealing with a ticking time bomb and that he is still calling some of the shots. I know the whole situation must be far from pleasant but I think you may need to show more control over the situation. Although this example pales in comparison my mother will periodically tell me she needs a check. I tell her we can write it together as I have POA but that I will not give her a blank check. She was making bad mistakes before I became involved. She may say she has to have one or can we just keep the amount blank and I emphatically repeat no. She may ask again at a future point and I simply repeat my answer. I have told her numerous times the reasons why. She could wipe out her account due to possible negligence. She pretty much gets it although we might repeat the whole verbal process again. My point with this is that I feel you need to take a firm stance no matter how unpleasant it can be. You are really protecting his interests. When seniors get this way they are unable to process logic.
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Reply to Riverdale
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I know this has been an ongoing very stressful situation for you. Some days it seems like you have it handled and other days, it’s a battle. It was that way with my mom, too. Maybe approaching it like a “battle” makes it more difficult for everyone. It must have been a big one with the car keys. Might be going that way with the finances too. I would absolutely take Sunny’s advice and get the advice of an attorney. There perhaps is no more reasoning with Dad, right? Good time to ask his doctor what they think about how to handle it. Don’t try to do it on your own. Good luck.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Is it possible to have the addresses changed and get a PO Box for dads checks?

How does this effect your reporting to the court?

It is so hard when they remember cash but not responsibility.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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JoAnn29 Feb 12, 2019
Yes, as guardian you can have it direct deposited into your conservators account. Same with his SS check. SS should acknowledge guardianship.

I understand why you don't want meltdowns but you wouldn't have been awarded guardianship unless the courts found Dad incompetent to handle his own life.
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As you have guardianship and conservatorship, can you arrange to have his pension cheques direct deposited into his account? Or have a small portion of it go into 'his' chequeing account and the balance into the conservator account?
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Babs75 Feb 13, 2019
I need to rely on what my attorney tells me (been a couple days and he hasn't answered me back). My dad is very fragile. Changing where his money goes would put him in a total tailspin. I had originally thought of just forwarding his mail to my house but the mail is one of his few highlights in a day. He checks it a minimum of 3 times per day 'just in case' they brought something else. This is so difficult.
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I'd insist on legal advice. I don't know the laws in your state, but, in some places the guardian must file Accountings with the court and show all income money and all outgo. They are responsible for those funds if appointed by the court. If someone can't manage that, I'd seek legal advice as to what to do about it, since you may have to explain why the funds are not being safeguarded.
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