My dad is 92 with dementia. Does anyone deal with total meltdowns? How to wrestle the money away from him without him coming unhinged?

Is it possible to have the addresses changed and get a PO Box for dads checks?

How does this effect your reporting to the court?

It is so hard when they remember cash but not responsibility.

Hopefully he is not back to driving. That seems the way he might be making purchases and deposits. He sounds as though he might need different medication. It seems as though you are dealing with a ticking time bomb and that he is still calling some of the shots. I know the whole situation must be far from pleasant but I think you may need to show more control over the situation. Although this example pales in comparison my mother will periodically tell me she needs a check. I tell her we can write it together as I have POA but that I will not give her a blank check. She was making bad mistakes before I became involved. She may say she has to have one or can we just keep the amount blank and I emphatically repeat no. She may ask again at a future point and I simply repeat my answer. I have told her numerous times the reasons why. She could wipe out her account due to possible negligence. She pretty much gets it although we might repeat the whole verbal process again. My point with this is that I feel you need to take a firm stance no matter how unpleasant it can be. You are really protecting his interests. When seniors get this way they are unable to process logic.

As you have guardianship and conservatorship, can you arrange to have his pension cheques direct deposited into his account? Or have a small portion of it go into 'his' chequeing account and the balance into the conservator account?

I'd seek advice from the attorney as to what your authority is and what you need to do to take control to protect his assets. It's usually difficult to protect dementia patients from themselves, but, it can be done legally.

I know this has been an ongoing very stressful situation for you. Some days it seems like you have it handled and other days, it’s a battle. It was that way with my mom, too. Maybe approaching it like a “battle” makes it more difficult for everyone. It must have been a big one with the car keys. Might be going that way with the finances too. I would absolutely take Sunny’s advice and get the advice of an attorney. There perhaps is no more reasoning with Dad, right? Good time to ask his doctor what they think about how to handle it. Don’t try to do it on your own. Good luck.

I'd insist on legal advice. I don't know the laws in your state, but, in some places the guardian must file Accountings with the court and show all income money and all outgo. They are responsible for those funds if appointed by the court. If someone can't manage that, I'd seek legal advice as to what to do about it, since you may have to explain why the funds are not being safeguarded.