My Dad had a stroke in March. Recovering well and wants to drive again. Failed Fit to Drive test in NJ. Moved to FL, wants me to not tell.

I believe he would not be able to drive the car to go take the test . Someone would have to take him...refuse. Also I think that the DMV report would show up from NJ and he would not be able to take it anyway.

It's not all about him, what he wants. It's about his safety AND the safety of so many others. About five years ago, a good friend of mine was hit head on and he died at the scene. His wife was injured but survived. The other driver was 93 and just drifted over the center line in the last seconds before impact. A couple seconds is all it takes. He also died at the scene. Two months ago, my neighbor decided he was going to drive to Texas, a trip of more than a thousand miles. He was a stroke survivor. His trip ended just four miles from his house. His car left the road and slammed into a dirt embankment. He died at the hospital. My point here is he would be selfish with a total disregard for the safety of others by wanting you to lie so he can drive. Of course you won't lie about his failed test because you don't want to feel the guilt if your Dad injuries or kills someone else and himself. You didn't mention his age but you did say he was doing much better. Is he doing much better since he failed in NJ? Can a doctor help with an opinion? And how is he at home or shopping, as in good balance, clarity of thought. Lots of people recovery extremely well from a stroke. If you are thinking he might very well pass a new test, well maybe he can. But to me it all gets back to not only his safety, but others. I had this conversation with my sister who realized a couple of years before she went to assisted living that she might be having issues. She voluntarily stopped driving at age 74 after she called a neighbor over to see why her car would not go into reverse. She hadn't started it yet.

VeronicaB, it is not rational for him to think he can drive safely when it was already proven by his failing the NJ test, therefore please don't waste your breath trying to "discuss" anything with him.

I had to report my elderly aunt who is a FL resident. I had her driver's license number and other info. I reported it online (anonymously) and wrote a letter with specific info outlining why she should no longer be driving. In her case she was sent a letter to appear at the DMV to retake tests. My idiot cousin drove her to the appointment. When she failed the eye exam right off the bat they asked her how she got there, and said her nephew drove her. They did not re-issue her license and to this day she and her co-pilot sister do not know who reported her...and they are still angry about it! My aunt not only had double-vision, but triple vision!

In another instance, my elderly uncle (93) was driving himself and his cancer-survivor wife in the late afternoon and he went through a red light and was t-boned, which killed his wife and dog. Luckily the victims in the other car were not seriously hurt. His children could have reported him prior or removed his car but were cowards.

You are in the moral and ethical position of knowingly allowing an impaired person to drive and you are in the best position to prevent him. Please do it. Remove his car so he won't be tempted to drive it. Don't tell him this is what you plan to do or when you will do it, it will just cause more drama than necessary. Remove the car and tell him it's in the shop for large, expensive repairs. Tell him whatever "therapeutic fib" is necessary to keep the peace as long as possible.

You can cover over the loss by arranging rides for them through services or friends, neighbors, relatives or hiring a companion aid from an agency. Please do the right thing, even though it will feel hard. You having to face the family of someone he hurt, maimed or killed would be way harder.

Pretty sure he will have to tell Florida he was in NJ and take a test. I simply took mom's car to be serviced and didn't bring it back. She takes cabs now or the senior bus when she feels she can't wait for my son or I to take her someplace. We do all the grocery shopping.

--IF he's amenable to discussing it...Can you bring it up as slowed reaction time--perhaps he technically can 'drive' a car, but maybe he could understand that he cannot react as quickly as he needs to?
--If you've established care, have his provider pull the license and tell him 'no more'. If he hasn't established care in FL, now's the time to do it and slip a note to the provider outlining your concerns before the visit starts.
--If no luck there, yes, report him to the DMV. Does the DMV website have anything to offer about something like this? It can't be that uncommon...

Personally I would tell Florida DMV if it was my family member. He does not need to know you did it. Tell him the previous state notifies Florida….and maybe they will..When I moved to Virginia they had my NYS info…

When my Dad was alive he was legally blind but still thought he could drive. Because he could see shadows. I tried everything to persuade him to stop finally out of frustration I told him if he got in the car and drove again I would call the police and have him arrested for endangering the welfare of others. He didn’t speak yo me for a while but he never drove again.

Have you consulted with an elder law attorney? There are many things you should check out in terms of YOUR liability with them living with you. Maybe dad would listen to an attorney.

You certainly have your hands full. From your profile, you state that you moved your parents into your home 6 months ago. How is that working out?

You've gotten great advice from others about NOT allowing your father to get a FL license and to take him OFF your insurance.

I hope you didn't give up a job to be the fulltime caregiver for your parents!

i agree with you. What if he kills someone or their child…. Or himself?? He’s being selfish asking you to lie for him . Sorry…. Just say NO

This may sound harsh, but please consider reporting him to the police and DMV in Florida. Ask them to require he take the written test and behind the wheel test. If he can not pass in Florida, he will be safe and so will the other people on the road.

I live in NJ. I would check that license and make sure its not an ID. NJ licences and IDs look alot alike. The licence# will still be the same. My GS had a licence, for health reasons, had to stop driving and received an ID and the numbers stay the same.

I can't believe he failed and they would reissue him a valid license.

I think Fla would be strict about seniors and driving. I think my MIL had to have her eyes checked every so often when she lived in Fla.

DO NOT have him on your insurance! You're opening yourself up to an unbelievable level of liability, especially if he decides to blow off the whole license thing and drive anyway. If he has a valid NJ license, he can drive now, so you're really taking a huge chance.

Aside from the obvious "you might kill a child" argument, Dad could lose everything in one good injury or wrongful death lawsuit. (So could you with him on your insurance.) Plus, if your insurance company finds out you've deceived them in any way, they won't cover you and will cancel your policy.

In short, it's your duty to inform Florida that Dad needs to be thoroughly tested before any license is issued, and his doctor should also be notified and asked to OK his driving (or not).

Florida. Mom is not driving - has not for years. Thank you for your insight

We moved to Florida. Mom has not driven for years now due to VD. Thank you for those suggestions. I appreciate it and will look into them

You need to inform the FL licensing authorities yourself. Otherwise you will be a party to his very foolish course of action, which leaves you little choice: tell him if there's any corner cutting, you rat (proudly, with your head held high).

Tell him not to ruin his chances of resuming his normal life by going too fast too soon. If he does things by the book then God willing he'll be back on the road, legal, and above all safe for himself and others.

We moved to Florida. Mom has not driven for years now due to VD. Thank you for those suggestions. I appreciate it and will look into them

When I moved to Florida, I had to hand over my valid NY license.

If your Dad doesn’t have a valid license to hand over, wouldn’t he have to take a test in FL?

At the moment Dad is not wanting to accept the loss of driving, this big loss to his independence.

You have time as you say - good. A lot can happen in 6 months. Dad may get used to Taxi/Uber/Senior bus & adjust well to not driving. Especially if living in a senior friendly area - many will be similar. So wait & see.

Your profile mentions your Mother has Vascular Dementia - so you know about that. Be aware the risk of VD is increased with stroke. Memory can be good - but it can sneak up in other areas like planning, judgement & spacial awareness (& you need all those for driving).

Is it IL or AL he is moving to?