I am my mother's sole caregiver since 2021 and I live with her. I have a sister but she only helps to take her to doctor's appointments. When she was being discharged from the hospital my sister said to me- "You're on your own now". Nice, right?
I have been seeing my boyfriend for 8 years. He always wanted to move to South Carolina but I didn't want to leave my mom alone because even though she didn't get diagnosed with all her health issues until 2021- COPD, Congestive Heart Failure, high blood pressure, erosive gastritis, low thyroid, etc., I knew she wasn't well. She never wanted to see a doctor. She was nearly dead until she finally agreed to go.
So back to the boyfriend, he got fed up and moved in July 2023. We are doing long distance but he is getting tired of waiting. He wants my mother and I to move. My mom refuses. I'm stuck in the middle. What do I do? I asked my sister if she could take care of her. Of course- she said no. She said she would put her right in a nursing home. If my mom gets to the point that I can no longer take care of her by myself then I would have to do that but not right now.
What would you do? If I don't move soon- I will lose my boyfriend. If I move- my mom will go in a nursing home and I will feel awful for the rest of my life. I have been feeling completely stressed and depressed for such a long time now. I just want to feel happy again.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much!
Then the nursing home - there are good nursing homes where a person gets 24/7 care by professionals. This could benefit your mom a lot. She'd have friends, outings, birthday celebrations, entertainment, medical supervision, visiting musicians and pets, and transportation to medical appointments. That looks a whole lot better than living with either you or your sister.
Go visit several skilled nursing facilities. Or maybe assisted living facilities, if she doesn't need skilled nursing yet. You will be pleasantly surprised.
Stay as your Mother's fulltime caregiver.
Your committment is to your Mother.
Move with your boyfriend.
Make a life with him.
Accept your Mother needs a new solution for her health care needs.
Brutal choice.
Which one does your gut instict tells you is right for you?
Which would you regret more?
Losing your relationship with your boyfriend? Or losing your identity of being Mom's Caregiver?
How to have both?
Could you be with your BF but remain a loving daughter who calls, visits & advocates for your Mother?