Dealing with my fiances mother who about 10+ years ago had a bad hip surgery that gave her a stroke and put her in a coma. Ever since then she has been on the decline, she is 70 years old now. Her and her husband have moved 3 miles away from us recently. Her husband has been primary caregiver however is suffering from depression and generally hates her at this point and they probably shouldn't live together, it can be quite toxic at times. However, there aren't any other options at this point. She can't walk well and insists on being pushed in her wheelchair even though her doctor insists she can/should walk as much as she can. She complains non-stop about how bad she has it, how much pain she is in, how mean her husband is to her (even though he does everything for her) Her doctor tells her no more sleeping pills and she insists I take her to walgreens so she can get benadryl. Not allowed to have sugar and insists on getting ice-cream... etc... she just generally doesn't care nor try to improve her conditions nor her attitude. She seems to want to live a miserable life. She doesn't have great impulse control so if she wants something she'll call over and over all day. She obsesses over getting her hair and nails done and new clothes rather than strengthening herself and becoming more independent. She'll try to get you to do everything for her and has no boundaries. I hate to make her sound like some monster, she has good qualities and is a good person and can be silly and sweet, but DEFINITELY has some toxic habits that are creating a pretty miserable family situation for the rest of us. What do you do with someone who doesn't try at all and would rather feel sorry for themselves and have everyone else do everything for them? How much agency does she really have? She's had some brain damage from the coma but def is functional and can do WAY more than she does. If someone isn't willing to put the work in how should the rest of the family proceed? A facility is not an option (financially) and she is too snobby to be social with other people in her dealing with similar circumstances .