My mother has been diagnosed with delusion disorder. She refuses meds or to follow up with the doctor. What can I do?

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I had to have my mother involuntarily committed last April 2016. She did not get released until May 20, 2016, due to refusing her meds. She only took her meds to get out. Due to being involuntarily committed she cannot own guns. At her release her doctor said she could live on her own. As soon as she got out she stopped taking her meds. She refused to go to her follow up appointment. She has been accusing me of begging for money on the streets, my husband beating me, losing my job and the list is endless. I call her twice a day and usually see her at least 3 days a week. She says she wants me to live with her since my house is so dangerous. Before my aunt died she would go to her house looking for me and would not leave. One day my aunt called me at work and said she didn't realize until her neighbor called that my mom's car had been in front of her house since 10:00 that morning. My aunt had looked around and couldn't find her. This was at 2:00 in the afternoon. I found her on my waty to my aunt's house lying jn someone's yard. Christmas night she was in front of her house trying to flag down a car to take her to the hospital because she thought I was there dying. I have been told repeatedly I do not have enough to show sge is a danger to herself or others to have her committed again.


She refuses to go to assisted living. Living with my husband and myself is not an option because of the things she says he has done. Tonight once again she thinks I am in the hospital. I love her dearly but I do not know what to do.

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What's harmless now won't be so harmless down the road. Think about it for one minute here. You say you have POA correct? If there is a problem with your mother and tons of people are involved, it could come back through the grapevine and guess what, it reaches your boss's ears. It could cost you you your job, if you and your husband are not financially secure (the Great Recession hit everyone pretty good), it could be catastrophic to you. Put APS on notice and get them involved with your mother. It seems like many mentally ill people are not compliant with their meds. Some can't accept that they have a mental illness and refuse to take their meds and other reasons like they know better than the doctors. I'm sorry but managing my bipolar does take work but I don't like the alternative to what will happen without my meds.
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Oh my. How sad. Do they realize that it may be the only way to get her the help she needs?
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BarbBrooklyn I have asked all of the neighbors to contact the authorities but they won't. They call me and say they just can't call APS or the police on her.
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I feel your pain on the authorities not supporting you. I was told when a loved one had auditory hallucinations that it is not against the law to be crazy. The authorities will only support you so far yet they will hinder when you want to force care. Perhaps overall they are correct but you are dealing with a loved ones mental illness and your hands are tied by the system that you need help from. It is difficult to accept.
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I think in your shoes, I would encourage all of the neighbors to call the authorities to report your mom's disturbing behavior. You might get more help for her if it is not just you complaining.
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BarbBrooklyn I do try to do what you suggested it works briefly but she goes right back to it. Her delusions are basically harmless but she called one neighbor who is an trustee at our church and told him they were not going to have sex. She accused another neighbor of taking a package and went to their house demanding the package. It turns out she never ordered anything and there was no package. She thought another neighbor was going to sue her. She went to their house with her checkbook demanding to know how much money they wanted.

She just this week has quit going to her beautician because she feels her beautician doesn't want to do her hair anymore. She used to line dance at the Commission on Aging but now doesn't because she feels they don't like her.

She thinks my father has died and came back to life three times. My cousin used to try to help me with Mom and take her places but Mom is mad at her because Mom thinks he came back and remarried and my cousin went to the wedding. She also thinks Dad took money from Mom's bank account and gave it to my cousin.

She also hears voices which she says are cb's coming in on her electronics. I have put filters on everything. No one hears these cb's but Mom. They are the ones telling her all of my alleged activities. She told me Friday night she heard I had a bunch of men at my house. She still refuses to believe my husband and I are together and has tried to physically restrain me from leaving her house. She says I need to stay with her until I get my life straightened out.

It is a tough situation. I do try to calm her but sometimes she is beyond calming down.
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It's good that you know people in APS. Schedule a lunch with the supervisor. Ask every question you can think of. Including this: "Will APS turn this into a case against me?"

When my mom was in a spiral of self-neglect, I researched every option. Including her county's version of APS. The FAQs on their website gave me pause. This organization's main priority, it seemed, was to seek out first-line relatives. And charge them with neglect if a case was opened and the elder and/or situation failed to improve.

It's bad enough that society issues the informal mandate of, "The daughter has a pulse and a car. It's all on her." If that regressive thinking is policy (in your mom's county or state), you need to be very careful.

To be fair, I did not call that APS-type bureau and probe any further. Perhaps they would have worked with me, like they did with SunFlo. But the langauge on the county's website gave no indication that they would work WITH relatives. But they were pretty clear about working against them. 😐
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It sounds as though her delusions are considered harmless. Not a danger to herself, or to ohers.

What happens if you respond to her delusions with " oh mom, that must be so scary for you. I'm taking care of myself. I'm dealing with it".? Or something neutral like that?
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Thanks for all of your replies. I do have medical POA as I am her only child. I make appointments with doctors and she will not go. She goes to her general physician. I have met with him. All he mentions is to go to a mental hygiene hearing again. I talked to the therapist at FMRS who attends all of the hearings who says I do not have enough to have her committed.

She says I am delusional and will not accept the fact that my husband has left me for another woman. At one point she said he was living in Costa Rica. Even though she has been to the house looking for me while I was at work and he answered the door. We work different shifts.

I am reluctant to involve APS because I work in a different part of DHHR but we are all in the same building. It would basically be involving a co-worker. I am not sure how that would play out. I do know the supervisor of APS personally. Maybe I could talk to her about the situation.
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First document what you have observed, dates, including recollection of her delusions and doctor apps. Next, find a new doctor --someone with geriatric experience or who sees mostly elders. Make appt for mom, send your written doc ahead of time so he can review and request a physical and mental evaluation.

Do you have medical POA? If so, maybe a new physician will give you diagnosis of dementia and/or delusional, etc and a letter of incompetency that supports your POA.

This will allow you to place mom.

If you don't have POA, you can either:
1. File with court for guardianship
2. Contact neighbors, family, police dept. and advise all to call 911 or APS every time they see mom out doing something unusual, unsafe, period.

I had a POA--same craziness where couldn't get a dr to write a letter even with dementia diagnosis and unhealthy unsafe behaviors. I finally did #2 and APS got involved when I stepped away from rescuing mom. I was in constant contact with APS and others and let them know they were helping me build a case to help mom and I had exhausted everything else. It took awhile, but worked and APS actually got mom placed so family could take it from there. Mom is thriving and loving memory care. I'm loving the relief.

Good luck and be persistent. Mom is crazy and her behavior is dangerous to herself, she needs professional help.
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