My mother has been diagnosed with delusion disorder. She refuses meds or to follow up with the doctor. What can I do?

What's harmless now won't be so harmless down the road. Think about it for one minute here. You say you have POA correct? If there is a problem with your mother and tons of people are involved, it could come back through the grapevine and guess what, it reaches your boss's ears. It could cost you you your job, if you and your husband are not financially secure (the Great Recession hit everyone pretty good), it could be catastrophic to you. Put APS on notice and get them involved with your mother. It seems like many mentally ill people are not compliant with their meds. Some can't accept that they have a mental illness and refuse to take their meds and other reasons like they know better than the doctors. I'm sorry but managing my bipolar does take work but I don't like the alternative to what will happen without my meds.

Oh my. How sad. Do they realize that it may be the only way to get her the help she needs?

BarbBrooklyn I have asked all of the neighbors to contact the authorities but they won't. They call me and say they just can't call APS or the police on her.

I feel your pain on the authorities not supporting you. I was told when a loved one had auditory hallucinations that it is not against the law to be crazy. The authorities will only support you so far yet they will hinder when you want to force care. Perhaps overall they are correct but you are dealing with a loved ones mental illness and your hands are tied by the system that you need help from. It is difficult to accept.

I think in your shoes, I would encourage all of the neighbors to call the authorities to report your mom's disturbing behavior. You might get more help for her if it is not just you complaining.

BarbBrooklyn I do try to do what you suggested it works briefly but she goes right back to it. Her delusions are basically harmless but she called one neighbor who is an trustee at our church and told him they were not going to have sex. She accused another neighbor of taking a package and went to their house demanding the package. It turns out she never ordered anything and there was no package. She thought another neighbor was going to sue her. She went to their house with her checkbook demanding to know how much money they wanted.

She just this week has quit going to her beautician because she feels her beautician doesn't want to do her hair anymore. She used to line dance at the Commission on Aging but now doesn't because she feels they don't like her.

She thinks my father has died and came back to life three times. My cousin used to try to help me with Mom and take her places but Mom is mad at her because Mom thinks he came back and remarried and my cousin went to the wedding. She also thinks Dad took money from Mom's bank account and gave it to my cousin.

She also hears voices which she says are cb's coming in on her electronics. I have put filters on everything. No one hears these cb's but Mom. They are the ones telling her all of my alleged activities. She told me Friday night she heard I had a bunch of men at my house. She still refuses to believe my husband and I are together and has tried to physically restrain me from leaving her house. She says I need to stay with her until I get my life straightened out.

It is a tough situation. I do try to calm her but sometimes she is beyond calming down.

It's good that you know people in APS. Schedule a lunch with the supervisor. Ask every question you can think of. Including this: "Will APS turn this into a case against me?"

When my mom was in a spiral of self-neglect, I researched every option. Including her county's version of APS. The FAQs on their website gave me pause. This organization's main priority, it seemed, was to seek out first-line relatives. And charge them with neglect if a case was opened and the elder and/or situation failed to improve.

It's bad enough that society issues the informal mandate of, "The daughter has a pulse and a car. It's all on her." If that regressive thinking is policy (in your mom's county or state), you need to be very careful.

To be fair, I did not call that APS-type bureau and probe any further. Perhaps they would have worked with me, like they did with SunFlo. But the langauge on the county's website gave no indication that they would work WITH relatives. But they were pretty clear about working against them. 😐

It sounds as though her delusions are considered harmless. Not a danger to herself, or to ohers.

What happens if you respond to her delusions with " oh mom, that must be so scary for you. I'm taking care of myself. I'm dealing with it".? Or something neutral like that?

Thanks for all of your replies. I do have medical POA as I am her only child. I make appointments with doctors and she will not go. She goes to her general physician. I have met with him. All he mentions is to go to a mental hygiene hearing again. I talked to the therapist at FMRS who attends all of the hearings who says I do not have enough to have her committed.

She says I am delusional and will not accept the fact that my husband has left me for another woman. At one point she said he was living in Costa Rica. Even though she has been to the house looking for me while I was at work and he answered the door. We work different shifts.

I am reluctant to involve APS because I work in a different part of DHHR but we are all in the same building. It would basically be involving a co-worker. I am not sure how that would play out. I do know the supervisor of APS personally. Maybe I could talk to her about the situation.

First document what you have observed, dates, including recollection of her delusions and doctor apps. Next, find a new doctor --someone with geriatric experience or who sees mostly elders. Make appt for mom, send your written doc ahead of time so he can review and request a physical and mental evaluation.

Do you have medical POA? If so, maybe a new physician will give you diagnosis of dementia and/or delusional, etc and a letter of incompetency that supports your POA.

This will allow you to place mom.

If you don't have POA, you can either:
1. File with court for guardianship
2. Contact neighbors, family, police dept. and advise all to call 911 or APS every time they see mom out doing something unusual, unsafe, period.

I had a POA--same craziness where couldn't get a dr to write a letter even with dementia diagnosis and unhealthy unsafe behaviors. I finally did #2 and APS got involved when I stepped away from rescuing mom. I was in constant contact with APS and others and let them know they were helping me build a case to help mom and I had exhausted everything else. It took awhile, but worked and APS actually got mom placed so family could take it from there. Mom is thriving and loving memory care. I'm loving the relief.

Good luck and be persistent. Mom is crazy and her behavior is dangerous to herself, she needs professional help.

" I have been told repeatedly I do not have enough to show she is a danger to herself or others to have her committed again."

Just another example of how our misguided laws support the civil rights of the DISEASE!

I agree with Jeanne; this is heartbreaking, and clearly there is no simple solution.

Have you been in touch with her Doctor? Clearly, her noncompliance with her meds and treatment changes the idea that she can live on her own. She needs to be in a sheltered, supportive environment that assures that her meds are being given, and taken.

2. Was APS involved the last time she was committed? I think calling them would be a good step to take. She is a vulnerable person who needs support.

3. When she is on meds, is there any understanding on her part that she is suffering from a severe mental illness?

This is pretty unlikely, but is there ANYONE she trusts? A religious leader? Her hairdresser? Anyone at all?

Oh dear. It must be tearing her up thinking you are in the hospital, getting beaten, etc. Poor dear. And I'm sure this isn't a picnic for you, either.

Does she ever have lucid (non-delusional) periods? Is there ever a time you can talk to her rationally?

When you show up or talk to her on the phone and report that you aren't in the hospital, aren't sick, etc. etc. -- what is her reaction?

Sometimes there is really nothing that can be done, but if there are drugs that could make this better for her it is extremely sad she refuses them.

She says there is nothing wrong with her and never was. She said the hospital had her mixed up with another patient whose name was almost like hers. Ahe says she was never supposed to be in the psych ward. She is 80. My Dad died 4 years ago.

Oh! How very, very sad! Why does she refuse the meds, do you know?