Mom’s 100th Birthday during Covid, any advice?

Zoom events can be awesome, I’ve been a guest at baby & wedding shower ones. Both with gifts but done so we showed them the gift and later on did a meet up to get it to them for gifts not on a registry.

HOWEVER, I’d be kinda concerned about folks kevetching about to being able to do Zoom.... complaining about sound, view, lost connections, yada yada. For 100th Bday there’s probably going to be folks that are technologically challenged. You know your family best as to just how much this would be problematic.

Moodys suggestion of a photo card party is lovely idea; could be both snail mail for those that love Hallmark shopping or email for others.

I care for my mom, now 89yo. She volunteered as a young nuse in the polio epidemics and is fully aware of the COVID dangers and compliant with the new life we have built. I agree it is challenging to care for body, mind and spirit in these times.

For her 89th birthday we had a 4hr Zoom where family and friends around the country could join. SHE LOVED IT!!!! Said it was her best birthday ever.

We had hoped to have a New Year's "Stopping Time at 89" party. Sadly, we can't do that. I'm hoping in summer we can have a grand party.

My suggestion is to care for your mom - and all the others who would be at risk with a party - by not having one in person. Imagine if someone got sick because of a party. That would haunt you forever.

Have people send cards.
Make videos of your mom to share.
Setup a Zoom.

There are ways to be together and safe.

Wishing you the best

My mom turns 90 at end of November and lives in Independent Living. We also have determined that a large party isnt in the cards and she is upset about that, but grudgingly agrees, mainly because most of her friends said they would not be able to come.

I point out that people are sacrificing all kind of things during this time, this is her cross to bear. Her grandson, my nephew had a larger wedding planned for this past April bu thad to just do a small ceremony.

We have decided that just our immediate family would take her to church as it falls on a sunday and she has not been able to go as she doesnt drive and her driving friends dont go no, even though the church has limited capacity and spacing out then take her to her favorite restaurant which she has not been able to do, but it will be a small group with a spaced out restaurant

Then, on May 30, we would plan to have a 90 1/2 birthday celebration. Hopefully things will be better by then but also we can do it outside. Letting her know of this plan has pacified her a bit. It may not happen depending on what is going on them, but if we have a plan she likes it.

My mommie turned 90 in her new nursing home and with the lockdowns there was no visitation allowed. Skype was an absolute Godsend! Mom was thrilled to "focus in" on each family face that called in. She has dementia and gets upset/confused with too much happening at the same time. She was thrilled with the slow, steady intimate "faces" talking to her!

Nursing home disallowed ANY outside food UNLESS delivered only by Grubhub/Doordash. I had a custom cake made at a bakery (Home was going to give her a pathetic cupcake for turning 90! That's insulting!) I paid Doordash to deliver a special cake decorated with her name to the nursing home. Flowers delivered too. She never got the cake. They gave her the crappy cupcake - Guess the staff enjoyed my mommie's cake...

Warning: Without personal visitations by family, nursing home can't be held to account!

Imho, you could have a virtual party. I don't advocate an in person event.

If you have a card party, maybe have each card sender send a picture to you via text or email. You could print out the pics. Then, as a card is opened, you could hand her the picture, and staple it with the card. Fun to look back and connect a face with the card.

Why dont you have a zoom party for her at your house? That way she can see everyone and they see her. You could decorate the whole house, and eat cake, have them sing to her and have it be over in 2 hours so she could nap if shes tired after. Maybe have them send her their gifts so she could open them and they could see her reaction to them. Just a thought!

Insist on a remote celebration. I know someone whose mom turned 100. From that point on their celebrated half birthdays. So, if your mom turns 100 in December, you can probably have an in-person outdoor celebration in the summer when she turns 100 1/2. On the same note at the note from the president, there may be something on the state level from the governor. Stay safe and comfortable this December and look forward to a party in the summer.

With very special caravan parties, sometimes the local media will spotlight the person being celebrated. That can be a special remembrance for later.

is there anyway you can do a zoom session?  how about if they all send her cards?  yes its hard right now and if she is pretty good........don't upset the cart now.  and IF they truly love her they will understand the situation.  Just explain what would they do IF she got sick just because they all wanted to see her.  AND if you don't have to take her out in the cold........they should understand.  wishing you luck.  You could always put them on speaker phone and they could chat a little bit or sing happy birthday to her......each person call at a different hour.

The recommendations are not to have gatherings for the holidays this year, due to the pandemic. Could she and her family and friends deal with a zoom birthday? Normally I'm not a big fan of zoom meetings, but a friend of mine had one for her 86th birthday. Her daughter organized it and took charge of leading the meeting in a friendly way. Family and friends joined in from all over the world and shared stories. It turned out to be very nice and personal. One thing I don't recommend is don't make it a surprise party for the birthday girl. Let her prepare and dress up for it. You could have a cake and have her blow out the candles for everyone to see.

Protect your mom. You will never forgive yourself if you have a celebration and she gets sick (or anyone else does).

Let people send gifts, Zoom, create a memory scrapbook where people write letters, collect videos, etc. She can enjoy these things more than once.

Dear "BAMinOH,"

I forgot in my earlier post, that I've seen celebrations "caravan" style. Families and friends are in their own vehicle which they decorate themselves with balloons, signs etc. they have their own "goodies" so they aren't cross-sharing if they don't want to. If they have gifts/cards, they give them to you first to keep with you so you can give them to your mom and since we're in a warmer state they usually go to a park however, in a colder climate the vehicles can be parked after a short drive and the celebration is held within everyone's vehicle via Zoom or Facetime. Then the cake can be shared with everyone.

The recovery rate for COVID is over 99% even for the elderly! Do not let it stop you from celebrating this historic day! Wow 100 Years! The family must be allowed to see her if they choose to. Distancing is more important than masks! Masks do NOT work with any virus. That's why we don't wear them for the flu. The virus particle is so small it goes right through the mask. Do not live in fear! Celebrate LIFE!

Please CELEBRATE! God Bless You!!!

I recently attended a baby shower. They called it a drive by baby shower. It was held outdoors. No hugs for mom to be or father to be. People said hello, visited six feet apart, wore their masks. They had pre-packaged take with you goodies and beautifully decorated pre-packaged cookies with the baby's name on them. No food served at function. They even had a monitor that kept track of how many people were there and the said "Okay, group getting to big. Time to say goodbye and let the next group, say hello and visit for a short time.

It was a nice gathering. Gifts open later just with mom and dad to be. No crowd for safety of mom.

You have received great suggestions. I agree with discussing with your Mom. . Asking for cards, flowers, and maybe asking some to share a special memory during zoom. Fortunately, there are options to make her feel special and safe during this time. Sounds like you truly care and want to make her birthday a great day! When my mom celebrated her 80th, I made a huge 80 from cardboard and covered it with photos. It is something she can keep hung up to see daily and remind her all of who love her and great moments in her life. I did it, without her knowing, and she was surprised and she enjoys seeing it daily.

My mom turned 97 last week, and is blind, in a wheelchair, and has dementia. She is in AL. I arranged two different Zoom calls for her - one with immediate family scattered all over the world, and another with close old friends and extended family. Only about 8 attendees at each Zoom. We took turns sharing a beloved memory, or in the second call, how everyone knew my mom. It was WONDERFUL. She truly got so much out of each call, and some far and wide got to "meet" each other for the first time. It was truly like a party but somehow even more meaningful, because we could all see and hear each other at once. If time permits, you can also ask friends and family to write or assemble one printer-size page to pay tribute to her: A memory, a first time meeting her, a photo or two or three - and put these together in a binder for her. We did this for mom too and it was a real treasure. If you have family close by, maybe you could gather just the six or fewer closest to her in person, and maybe drive around and deliver a cupcake with a candle to all participants... then, all blow out the candles and give a toast at the same time on a Zoom or Facetime call. It's good to ask participants to have something specific to say. People will need to speak one at a time. And remember you just can't sing together on Zoom! Happy 100th to your mom. How great that she can still enjoy it!

I would recommend a Zoom celebration. I’ve attended several during this pandemic and was pleasantly surprised at how everyone loved them. Two family reunion (both sides of the family) celebrations that were so enjoyable, both families voted to do it again next year. They thought it was more intimate than the usual gatherings where everyone takes off in different directions. Just attended a 90 year old zoom party for an aunt. Old friends and family members across the country were able to attend and she was really happy to see everybody. You could select a host to create an agenda so people could express their wishes, give a toast etc. They even had a slide show with photos of my aunt through the years. If you’re not technically savvy, have a younger person set it up for you. Best of luck. I’m sure you’ll find something that works.

"No" to a big celebration and "No"' even to a smaller in-person "family" celebration. That's just how COVID is getting spread at increasing rates. You have done so well to stay safe up 'til now. Don't spoil it by giving into family pressure when you know it is a bad idea.

There are some good ideas here about having family and friends send greetings, cards, flowers, gifts--whatever you can handle. A good idea also to talk it over with your mother.

It would be terrible to risk an in-person gathering and have anyone get sick or die, most of all your mother!

As your mom's primary caregiver you and your mom should have a discussion about the pros and cons of having a huge celebration.
Celebrate with those in the house only and possibly to include all others a Zoom invite at a certain time to wish your mom a Happy 100th birthday.

My dad who lives with me turned 85 in July.We celebrated with the five people who live in my house.I posted pics and videos on FB for all others to see.

Hope this helps
Happy 100th birthday to your mom

God bless her.

My mom turned 95 in August. She was in AL here in NY, so a party was out of the question.

I asked family and friends on FB to send her cards. She was SHOWERED with cards!! She got LOTS of flowers and gifts and window visits and FaceTime calls and phone calls. She was very happy. She enjoyed looking at all the cards over and over!

She understands about the virus. So I think simply doing the best we can during these crazy times is all we can do. Let’s hope your centenarian can do a big better late than never 101 years young party in 2021!!

Since mom is sound of mind and has excellent health - ask her. Ask what would make this milestone birthday feel special to her. Of course, family and friends want to celebrate with her. Maybe some can celebrate at a virtual party (Zoom, FaceBook or other online platforms with video conference ability). Those who live closest and are probably the wisest in maintaining COVID-10 protocols, could have a "distanced party" (meet in a fairly spacious room with social distancing, masks, and limited contact). Others can have prolonged phone calls (FaceTime to see face to face while talking) over snacks. There is nothing to prevent her from having a good time for more than 1 day or to push the celebration forward or back to avoid the Christmas celebrations.

She’ll be 100 all year long. Nothing wrong with waiting to celebrate at another date

We dealt with a similar situation in July when my mom who has dementia and is in assisted living, turned 80.  At that time they were allowing 2 visitors time for a scheduled 30 minute visit. They took our temps, sanitized our hands and sat us at the end of a very long table across from her and masked.  We brought her a cup cake and balloons.  It was the best we could do.  I was very angry because I thought what good does it do to have a long life completely alone.  Your situation is different because you are family and you are with her every day.  Maybe you could do the same thing...keep everyone masked, hands sanitized and schedule individual visits throughout the day.  Have her on one side of the room and them on the other.  I saw that someone suggested a zoom visit which is a great idea...especially if you have a good sized desktop screen.  Let her eat cake while she talks to them.

My goodness! What a wonderful daughter or son you are to be caring for your mom in your own home. My mom turned 100 in late May when we were still in lockdown. I had made all these elaborate plans to have lots of guests and speeches etc. Then Covid arrived. The nursing home she lives in put on a celebration with a lovely cake. Those that could stood outside in the parking lot and sang and waved. There was a beautiful cake and mom was able to celebrate her birthday on her own terms, She could go rest when she wanted and come back for more celebration when she wanted. She said it was the best birthday ever. I realized, at 100, how much energy it takes just to be alive. My mom, like your mom, was sound in mind and body, just 100. I wonder if part of caring for an older parent (when you are getting older yourself!) is guilt - no matter what you do.

I would ask her what she would like and depending on what she says, invite a few of her closest family members and friends and take everyone's temp at the door before coming in.

We celebrated my Dad's 90th this past September with a virtual birthday party. He and Mom live at in their own home on their own and the closest relative is a couple of hours away. Everyone else lives in a different state. I asked family, young and old to make a video for dad. They submitted to me and I spliced together. His 96 year old brother got help making a video from their daughter. Some sang happy birthday, some caught dad up on their lives a bit since they had not talked in a while. I combined the videos with some music and my sister was able to drive up to be with my parents on my Dad's birthday and show it to them. (She had recorded a video too just in case she was not able to drive up). She brought lunch and a cake. Dad cried and loved it all. A video can also be watched as many times as one likes. I shared the movie with everyone. They enjoyed seeing everyone else's videos. Several of them also sent cards and and called my dad the next day. I will say that I felt like if dad died the day after his birthday, we all would have felt at peace knowing we'd all just interacted with him, shared some memories and told him we loved him. I think that's the main thing. Good luck and follow your gut.

You are an excellent caregiver and daughter trying to protect your mom! My mom is in a nursing home and just celebrated her 90th birthday last month. I couldn't even visit my mom because of Covid restrictions, let alone, have a celebration. I'm also a caregiver to my 68 year old husband with Frontal Temporal Dementia. Then my mom had a stroke 3 weeks prior to her birthday and was taken to the hospital so I was the only visitor she could have. That was the first time I was able to be with her in person in 6 months! I vowed at that time that I would do my best to give her a 'card party.' I emailed family and friends to let them know ahead of time so they could send the cards to my address first since she needed to be quarantined once she came back to the nursing home for precautionary measures.
I decorated a shoe box with pretty birthday paper and, on the day of her birthday, I called ahead to let them know it was her birthday and that I was bringing a gift. They have a table on the porch to drop off items for the residents from their families. We were able to see one another through the window. My mom calls me every evening and she was so happy to receive the many cards that family and friends sent. Many of them called her on the phone throughout the week to wish her well and visit with her. Some even sent pictures of their families and I made sure mom had current pictures of her two new great grandbabies. She was so happy and continues to look at all the pictures everyday. Your family and friends need to understand that you and your mom need to be very careful about both the Covid and flu virus. It is a blessing for your mom to be here this long and still have her health and mind. You both need to protect yourselves as best you can and it certainly sounds like you have done a wonderful job so far. Your mom and my mom's generation are a very hardy and stubborn bunch. Look at all the things they had to live through growing up! Have a 'card party' and let family and friends know they are welcome to call to wish your mom a happy birthday. Most will understand. In the meantime, I'm wishing you, as one caregiver to another, the very best and a very happy birthday to your mom!

I have not read all the responses, but could you set up a Zoom call?   Let people dial in and say hello

I do not know if getting your mom’s doctor to issue a letter stating that a gathering during a pandemic would not be a good idea for her health would help to solidify your position- ‘doctor’s orders=no party’.
the decision is taken out of your hands and put into the physicians.