Mom’s 100th Birthday during Covid, any advice?

You are in Ohio, right?

Having an indoor gathering of a large number if people is unsafe at this time.

Please tell the thoughtless relatives to arrange a Facetime or Zoom call on mom's birthday.

What an amazing life! Living to 100, and with the added blessing of good health, should definitely be celebrated. I don’t blame you at all for being careful in Covid times, but I do hope you’ll find a good compromise to let everyone enjoy the day.

Just remind them we are in a pandemic and as this point you can not plan anything. You feel bad about it but Moms safety is important.

Do a card thing. Tell everyone to send a card wishing Mom happy 100th. If she has a Church, inform them. Anyone who knows Mom. We did this for a classmate whose father turned 100 and had moved out of State. He was so happy to receive cards from kids he knew 50 yrs ago.

We did the same thing for Mother's 90th as JoAnn suggested. My sister then put all the cards and letters in a little scrapbook. We were able to have a limited 'drive by' back in June and only a few people wore masks. Mother was one of them. It was kind of a 'whatever happens, happens' attitude.

Nobody got covid, surprisingly, the 'party' was what it was--since mother has some level of dementia, she did not notice the family members who didn't show.

She LOVES that scrapbook, though.

(BTW, we ALL know that this year we are not having Thanksgiving, or Christmas celebrations, except with the ONE family who all had covid. It stinks, but it is what it is.)

If you can download Zoom on your device (whatever device you may have) and some of your Mom's friends children have a device that can use Zoom that would be the best thing as well as having all of her friends send her cards.

I did a "virtual" party with a friend and we used Zoom (I used my Ipad) and it worked out great.

Happy 100th Birthday to your Mom!
Jenna

I'd opt for something by which Mom can be reminded after the big day celebration is over.   And I'm still partial to cards; they're proof of remembrance, that can be viewed over and over again.

What I might do is open up a few cards on her birthday, a few more another day, and string it out so that it's something to look forward to over a period of time.   You might ask people to call on that basis as well.  Sometimes the attention on the day of the birthday is so much that succeeding days are real let downs.

You can also get one of the card boards, about 2' x 3', on which cards can be pinned.   My cousin bought one for my father during one of his hospitalizations for a broken hip.  Cards were added to it as people came in, and eventually it became full.  

We took it home; Dad kept it in the living room where he could view the cards while sitting in his favorite chair.  They reminded him of an unpleasant medical adventure made much more positive by the support of family and friends.  

Those cards are going into a scrapbook which I'll be creating of his life.

Do what you think is best. Have a party with the two of you at home and try Zoom, Skype with family. My mothers 98 birthday was in September and it was just the four of us and two others. We always had a big party with family and relatives but things have changed and a small gathering is best under the circumstances. It is in the best interest of elders to limit visitors during this pandemic. Turning 100 is amazing and very special. Hope she has a very nice day for her 100th birthday. Is your local Senior Center aware she is turning 100.? They usually do special things. They sent a tea set with chocolates, sandwiches and a balloon to my mom for her 98th birthday. It was special and she liked very much. Family should understand and not put pressure on you. Wishing both of you the best.

Seriously? Have they not noticed that we are in the midst of a pandemic?? Remind them that the celebration of Mom's 100th birthday should not be the cause of anyone of the celebrants (including the birthday girl) contracting Covid-19. Have them send cards, order a small cake for Mom and organize a Zoom or Facetime party to celebrate virtually. Don't be bullied by family who will blame you if anyone gets covid at a party!!

Isn't there something you can get a card from the President wishing you a happy 100.

“You’re getting “pushback from family”???

Let whoever thinks she should have a public Gala, plan it and videotape it, then send it to you and Mom while you both stay SAFE at HOME.

You are doing your best to protect her. Don’t be bullied by nonsense into doing something that NOBODY guarantee to be SAFE.

Do you think they might consider a Showering of Birthday Wishes MAILED to her, a 3 or 4 piece combo playing Happy Birthday and some of her favorites on your lawn or driveway, a cookie distribution to family members gathered outside, a Fly By with a Happy Birthday Banner??

Your family members apparently don’t realize that people who have reached the wonderful age of 100 should by doing so be allowed to take a SAFE shot at going for 101!

God Bless Her, AND YOU, and keep up the good work with your door locked!

My dad wanted to hit 80 and he did in June this year. We had family and friends over. It was summer and out side. He passed away in August. We knew his days were numbered and nothing would have stopped me from celebrating his birthday with him. I honestly didn't know if he would make 80 and his Drs did not think he would. So we chose to celebrate life. I understand that it's a tough decision and I think I would leave it up to her. In her 100 years she's seen a lot worse than what we're going thru now. Let her decide. Good luck and Happy Birthday to her!!

Dear "BAMinOH,"

Back in May when the pandemic was still fairly unknown, a woman was turning 100 at her facility where I think she was on the third floor.

Her family decided to give her a big birthday surprise by coordinating something with the local fire department.

If you'd like to view it you can type in the Google search box "100 year old woman celebrates birthday in Arizona" and one of the local news stations (azfamily.com) has an article with the details along with a video.

Hope you will be able to come up with something for your mom!

I love the card idea, I did something like that for my parents wedding anni, one year. Tell your siblings to tell everyone they know, who may know Mom to send a card. Notify her church, and orginizations she belonged to.. Anyone and everyone. Our local TV station will put those birthdays on TV ! My parents got about a hundred cards, and they heard from so many people they had not heard from in years. Even your friends will probably pitch in! I have a friend who does this for her brother in a NH who had a stroke many years ago.. I have never met him but I gladly send a card every year!!

Listen, my DH just had triple bypass open heart surgery & his DD is arguing with me that she wants to drive 500 miles to come here and 'help take care of him.' I'm like, are you freakin' KIDDING me or what? Nope, she's not kidding. She doesn't take into consideration we're going into lockdown mode AGAIN any day now since our covid cases are growing larger daily & taxing the healthcare system. It nearly kills me to go visit him in the hospital due to the covid patients there and I stayed OUT of the ICU for that very reason. If I catch it and bring it home to him, and he starts coughing or gets sick, boy howdy, all h*ll will break loose.

So many people have NO COMMON SENSE at all in their God given brains these days. Push back or no push back, the answer to your 'well meaning' relatives is NO. NO is a complete sentence. If they don't like it, they can join my step daughter in LUMPING IT.

Sorry not sorry, but your mother didn't live to be 100 to die of some stupid virus brought in to your condo by some well meaning partyer. Tell them all you'll bake her a cake, put 100 candles on it and a party hat on her head, get noisemakers for both of you, and have your DH film it. You'll post it on FB for their viewing enjoyment.

The End.

Happy 100th to your mom!

Can you set up a Zoom party? Get everyone to get small cakes, candles, decorations, etc. Send your Mom presents in advance so,you can quarantine them if you like. Then on the day they can sing Happy Birthday to her, eat cake, and watch her open the presents. The whole world is having to adapt so I would guess your friends and family will too.

Living to 100 is a feat. Have you discussed it with her? What does she want?

Very elderly people are often overwhelmed by too many visitors at once. They can’t hear in the noise, they get confused, and they tire very quickly. Do her a favour and keep it very very small. Decorate the room so it looks fantastic – balloons make a big impact. A lot of candles help, even just massed on a table. Cards on every level surface. Take photos to talk about afterwards with her. Take a photo of her looking at a card from each pushy family member, to talk about with them!

If there is someone younger in the family who can do it, get them to collect up videos of each family member saying happy birthday, slowly and clearly, and then splice them together in a form that can play on the television, big enough for her to see. She will probably enjoy seeing it repeated very day, more than she would have enjoyed it in person.

Don’t let other people guilt you into doing something that she quite probably won’t enjoy, and that would risk her health and her life.

Great advice, Margaret.

While it is wonderful that she's made it this far and with good health and mind, why jeopardize that for unthinking relatives? Bringing together family with this virus running rampant is not a good idea, which you are fully aware of! Your area is one of the "danger" areas. Also could be worse where some of these families live, so why take that chance? These who are clamoring for a big to-do are really not thinking about what's in her best interest. Chance a big blowout and infect her, or tone it down, and celebrate later?

Zoom if possible. Even though drive by isn't possible, perhaps she could be seated in the front door area, with a storm door, if you have one, to protect her and they can visit there, one family at a time, to greet her and express their well-wishes? Maybe one of you can be there to hand out cupcakes for each family who shows up?

Not a good time of year for b'days (which I know ALL about!! Dec b'days for me, my DIL and grandson and Jan for my daughter! It was tough arranging b'day parties for her - every other weekend with dad and if our weekend was a bad storm, reschedule!)

My mother is in a facility (MC for her) which has been locked down since mid-March. She reached 97 in August. At that time they were allowing brief outdoor visits, but it was VERY hot, so not pleasant for her even in a shaded canopy area. We also had to wear masks and remain at least 6' apart. We couldn't even share the ice cream and cupcakes I brought (I was able to leave them for her.) Given her really bad hearing and the masks, I'm not even sure she was aware I was there. They handed the cards and little gifts I brought, but that was it. Everyone in her generation is gone. OB isn't local, so no visit for over 2.5 years now. YB is YB, who knows what he's doing! We've been out of touch with most cousins, some have passed, so there's really no one else to celebrate.

If there's some way to have everyone acknowledge her "special" day without exposure, you'll keep her safe. If you have or can rent a large display and do Zoom, with them sending cards and gifts ahead of time, they can "share" in the festivities that you set up in your home.

If her health and mind are really good, make plans for a celebration later, when the weather is better and you can do it outside (virus will likely still be around, so it may have to be outdoors.) At the very least, don't let this clueless people get you down!

My friends and I all turned 60 😬 this year during Covid. While my personal request was to ignore my own birthday lol, others were given card parties (everyone and their brother - as they say - sent birthday cards) or virtual birthday parties (lots of people gathered virtually at one time). Don't stress too much about this. Nothing is normal about this year and we all just have to do the best we can!

Congratulations to your Mom -I think NBC Today will still send a “Smuckers” 100th Birthday Greeting, go to their website; most State/City Office of Aging will also send a greeting as well as your Congressional persons and the Governor. These are just small acknowledgments, the greatest of course will come from family and friends - you have gotten some great ideas from this site! I would highly recommend the videos that she can watch later and to add a “cherry on top of the sundae” do the Zoom - people will be able to see her and really feel a part of the celebration. As a mom myself, it is so wonderful that you, her daughter, love and want to something special for her! GOD Bless you both.

Covid, the current boogie man. Full blown celebration.

I do not know if getting your mom’s doctor to issue a letter stating that a gathering during a pandemic would not be a good idea for her health would help to solidify your position- ‘doctor’s orders=no party’.
the decision is taken out of your hands and put into the physicians.

I have not read all the responses, but could you set up a Zoom call?   Let people dial in and say hello

You are an excellent caregiver and daughter trying to protect your mom! My mom is in a nursing home and just celebrated her 90th birthday last month. I couldn't even visit my mom because of Covid restrictions, let alone, have a celebration. I'm also a caregiver to my 68 year old husband with Frontal Temporal Dementia. Then my mom had a stroke 3 weeks prior to her birthday and was taken to the hospital so I was the only visitor she could have. That was the first time I was able to be with her in person in 6 months! I vowed at that time that I would do my best to give her a 'card party.' I emailed family and friends to let them know ahead of time so they could send the cards to my address first since she needed to be quarantined once she came back to the nursing home for precautionary measures.
I decorated a shoe box with pretty birthday paper and, on the day of her birthday, I called ahead to let them know it was her birthday and that I was bringing a gift. They have a table on the porch to drop off items for the residents from their families. We were able to see one another through the window. My mom calls me every evening and she was so happy to receive the many cards that family and friends sent. Many of them called her on the phone throughout the week to wish her well and visit with her. Some even sent pictures of their families and I made sure mom had current pictures of her two new great grandbabies. She was so happy and continues to look at all the pictures everyday. Your family and friends need to understand that you and your mom need to be very careful about both the Covid and flu virus. It is a blessing for your mom to be here this long and still have her health and mind. You both need to protect yourselves as best you can and it certainly sounds like you have done a wonderful job so far. Your mom and my mom's generation are a very hardy and stubborn bunch. Look at all the things they had to live through growing up! Have a 'card party' and let family and friends know they are welcome to call to wish your mom a happy birthday. Most will understand. In the meantime, I'm wishing you, as one caregiver to another, the very best and a very happy birthday to your mom!

We celebrated my Dad's 90th this past September with a virtual birthday party. He and Mom live at in their own home on their own and the closest relative is a couple of hours away. Everyone else lives in a different state. I asked family, young and old to make a video for dad. They submitted to me and I spliced together. His 96 year old brother got help making a video from their daughter. Some sang happy birthday, some caught dad up on their lives a bit since they had not talked in a while. I combined the videos with some music and my sister was able to drive up to be with my parents on my Dad's birthday and show it to them. (She had recorded a video too just in case she was not able to drive up). She brought lunch and a cake. Dad cried and loved it all. A video can also be watched as many times as one likes. I shared the movie with everyone. They enjoyed seeing everyone else's videos. Several of them also sent cards and and called my dad the next day. I will say that I felt like if dad died the day after his birthday, we all would have felt at peace knowing we'd all just interacted with him, shared some memories and told him we loved him. I think that's the main thing. Good luck and follow your gut.

I would ask her what she would like and depending on what she says, invite a few of her closest family members and friends and take everyone's temp at the door before coming in.

My goodness! What a wonderful daughter or son you are to be caring for your mom in your own home. My mom turned 100 in late May when we were still in lockdown. I had made all these elaborate plans to have lots of guests and speeches etc. Then Covid arrived. The nursing home she lives in put on a celebration with a lovely cake. Those that could stood outside in the parking lot and sang and waved. There was a beautiful cake and mom was able to celebrate her birthday on her own terms, She could go rest when she wanted and come back for more celebration when she wanted. She said it was the best birthday ever. I realized, at 100, how much energy it takes just to be alive. My mom, like your mom, was sound in mind and body, just 100. I wonder if part of caring for an older parent (when you are getting older yourself!) is guilt - no matter what you do.

We dealt with a similar situation in July when my mom who has dementia and is in assisted living, turned 80.  At that time they were allowing 2 visitors time for a scheduled 30 minute visit. They took our temps, sanitized our hands and sat us at the end of a very long table across from her and masked.  We brought her a cup cake and balloons.  It was the best we could do.  I was very angry because I thought what good does it do to have a long life completely alone.  Your situation is different because you are family and you are with her every day.  Maybe you could do the same thing...keep everyone masked, hands sanitized and schedule individual visits throughout the day.  Have her on one side of the room and them on the other.  I saw that someone suggested a zoom visit which is a great idea...especially if you have a good sized desktop screen.  Let her eat cake while she talks to them.

She’ll be 100 all year long. Nothing wrong with waiting to celebrate at another date