neon, You are so right. Mom tries it because she knows how much I care, but it just doesn't work anymore. No guilt, except for chocolate cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your dad and mother were in a sense co-creaters with God in bringing your body, mind and soul into existence. However, that does not mean that she owns you or that somehow as her adult child you owe her. The only thing I think you owe her is respect and to treat her in an honorable way to make sure she is cared for and safe in her old age, but not to cease your entire life like a slave. I bet she still had a life after you were born.
Is there any way that we can reword the lines of Tina Turner's song, "What's Love Got To Do With It?"? Possibly, 'what's guilt got to do with it, it's just a second hand emotion."?
I feel for all of you I cant imagine how tuff it is taking care of a parent. My mother is only in her 50s and already is leaning toward being helpless, she wont work and complains constantly inferring that I owe her to fix her life and take care of her. She tried to be a good mother to me but "dropped the ball" pretty badly in my opinion and it has taken me most of my life just to get my head on strait. I am sick of the guilt trip and the inferences and I'm so tempted to tell her exactly how I feel. I am a CNA and have worked with elderly for 13 years. I can say that there are caregivers out there that can help you as we know the game, you just have to find one :) A big part of it is not enabling by doing things for them they can do themselves, not holding them accountable for their behavior is a no no because they think they have a free ticket to be hurtful and mean. Alzheimer's is such a difficult disease and its always a balancing act between what they are really capable of and what can be expected.
IMHO, we do not owe our parents anything except "respect." They chose to create you and bring you into this world - as a result, they have no right to "punish you" for the rest of your life. You have every right to tell your mother how you feel. Your mother is using her helplessness to emotionally manipulate you - refuse to allow this to happen! I am 58 years old and I would never think of "manipulating" anyone and I certainly don't want anyone else manipulating me. I intend to hold a full-time job (or 3 part-time jobs) until I drop dead. Not all elderly people are manipulative - plenty prefer to remain as independent as possible and not place burdens upon their children or other relatives.
Thanks dragonflower for your response, you are right and I think the next time she gives me the guilt trip I will let her in on what I think. It is only damaging our relationship and that is a shame. Its just hard because I was raised to be so respectful regardless of what my parents did but I'm an adult now and respect really should go both ways.
You are so right. Mom tries it because she knows how much I care, but it just doesn't work anymore. No guilt, except for chocolate cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your mother was alive when her folks were around. How did she help them? Goose and gander I say.