My Mom refuses to wear hearing aids and I physically cannot talk louder. Any advice?

I bought one of those typing machines (about $200), basically a laptop for writers without any of the distractions. I typed and showed her the result and she would respond. You can also just text into your phone or tablet. This is all if you don't like to write the old fashioned way.

With eyes contact with communication with body languages, for example if you want to shower her,put her to toilet while running warm water by the time she done toileting,you just use your hand aim to shower area,she will know what to do. All you do smile at her with hand talking with you mouth moving. It's not easy as I said especially you have to catching time for your life. Hope this help you a little. Good luck and take care.

Great anwers here! Omigosh, ear wax, now I know to look out for that. I support all the ideas around talking lower instead, and writing things down... you do not have to make someone else's problem your own. If someone with dementia can learn sign language, that sounds like a terrific thing to try.

My father, who had dementia, wore his hearing aids, but was always messing with them. He said they didn't work. I don't think it was his ears that weren't working, but his mind. He could hear, but not understand.

My mother also has hearing problems sometimes, but hears perfectly sometimes. I think dementia is setting in. Sometimes her brain is engaged and she hears, and sometimes her brain is tuned out. Then sometimes, it seems like it is the tone of your voice, i.e. high pitched vs deep pitched.

My husband, who has early onset dementia, doesn't always understand or seems to not hear me. Can't blame old ears. With dementia, the line blurrs between not comprehending and not hearing, and hearing aids don't fix comprehension.

Besides, technology isn't always that great. I'm in my 60s and need to wear progressives, but they bother my migraines. I wear bifocals, but they don't cover all the ranges I need. I can only imagine the complexities that go into hearing all the different sounds, i.e. loud/soft, high/low, background, etc. Then factor in a brain that is not working correctly, and you have quite mess.

J has started doing the same thing, not wearing the very expensive hearing aids... I am not going to shout when she can use them... so have been asking her if they are too loud or not loud enough.... all this can be adjusted by computer, or at least hers can....also a lot of earwax... have to clean them every time she uses them.... all I can say is that I am glad to hear I am not alone..... but will not shout anymore.... it is exhausting, it causes our adrenalin to spike and just adds to our own exhaustion...so we are sort of in a stand off right now... she won't wear them and I won't shout... I'll keep ya'll updated....

We too have thousands of dollars worth of hearing aids in a drawer. P.S. -- They can be donated to the Lions Club.

Mom (97 with dementia) made it clear long ago that the problem with her hearing is ours and not hers. So I talk as loud as I can for as long as I can and then just tell her I can't shout any more and put my hand over my throat. Generally, she nods that she understands.

Perhaps wearing portable karaoke equipment would work. I looked on Amazon and they have a "Singing Machine" for $45.95. Tempting.

Bottom line: Do your best, with love, and then let it go. Blessings for peace in this trying situation.

Try bringing a large pad and bold pen with you. Every time she says talk louder, start writing your responses.

tlhanger, same issue with my Mom and ear wax. Numerous times we have had her at the doctors to having the wax cleaned out, but she would stop the cleaning because the water was too hot.... she wanted it luke warm which doesn't nothing.

So flash forward a decade and that wax had cemented itself into her ear canals. Only surgery would be able to remove it, and at 97 years old that's not an option. Mom was her own worst enemy when it came to ear care, but she rather blame the hearing aid company and/or the tech trying to fit her to the hearing aid... [sigh].

These are all good responses. I especially liked the comment about learning American Sign Language. I have thought about that. I too have difficulty with getting Mom to wear her hearing aids. She has two but always wore just one. Then recently the one aid didn't do the job so she started wearing both especially when I would turn the volume down on the tv. It would be so loud you could hear it a house away! I told her and said you spent all that money and wont wear them? There are people your age that need them and cannot afford to buy them. So I guess between all of us saying we can't talk louder and turning down the tv, she started using both. Dont get me wrong--she gives us a hard way to go about wearng them but she has been using them more regularly.

Visit for 15 minutes if you live close by. Maybe a half hour if you live far away, once a week at most. Ask the caregivers about her health and observe her care. Brush her hair if you feel like it, or rub hand lotion on her hands. Smile and say only "I love you."

American Sign Language.
MY husband has solvent dementia HOWEVER he learned ASL to communicate.

Good luck with that! I bought mom 6000 dollar hearing aids and she flushed them down the toilet. Her ears have way too much wax and I take her to the ear doctor and she won't let them touch her. She is 95 and I have been her caregiver for over 5 years. I just make sure she is well fed and don't even try much to talk to her as she gets mad at me because she can't hear me. I love her and try to help her. But that soundless world she lives in is hard on her and me. She does read close caption to watch TV.

Visit her often enough to satisfy your own pleasure in seeing her, and your conscience (providing your conscience is healthy and not into martyrdom.)

I start to miss my mom if I haven't seen her for a week or so. I feel a prick of conscience if I haven't seen in two weeks.

It would be VERY frustrating not to be able to talk to Mom. Mine is having decreasing hearing and that is hard to deal with. I sit on her "good" side, get her attention, speak directly to her, and repeat the words she doesn't get. It's hard.

But I still love her, she's still my mom, I still want to be with her regularly.

If the hearing loss is causing you a lot of stress and frustration and you think cutting down the number of visits would help, give it a try. Or visit when you can be with her without a lot of talking. Sit with her during a movie, or bingo, or some entertainment. You can hold her hand or put your arm around her shoulder or just smile at her.

Can your mom still read? I wonder what would happen if you went in with a white board and marker, with "Mom, I have a sore throat today. I will write my answers, OK?" Might that relieve some of the stress?

I don't think the hearing situation is likely to improve. I hope you can find some ways to still be present for you mother in ways that aren't too stressful for you.

My mom has severe hearing loss and has great hearing aides collecting dust in the nice box they came in. She refuses to use them too. I walk in her house and her t.v. is on 90. If you find a way to have your mom wear them let me know. Good luck.

If your Mom can hear wearing the hearing aids, but refuses to use them... instead of talking louder, talk softer to a point where you can barely hear yourself. My Dad and I did that with my Mom, we were just mouthing words and Mom was afraid she was missing out on something :)

That would only work if the rest of the staff at the continuing care center would do the same thing.