My Mom refuses to wear hearing aids and I physically cannot talk louder. Any advice?

For those who have loved ones who refuse to wear their hearing aids, please try this. Most people expect the person with hearing loss to be able to hear perfectly and be able to wear their aids all the time from the first day they get them. I am a hearing aid specialist and these are unrealistic expectations. Most hearing loss is left untreated for about seven years before hearing aids are purchased. It takes our brains about four to six weeks to accustom to wearing hearing aids. If the patient has dementia it can take even longer. Have your loved one start out wearing the aids a few hours at a time and try to increase each day. It can be overwhelming to people with cognitive issues to suddenly hear sounds that they have not heard properly for a long time. It is also extremely important to make and keep all follow up appointments with your hearing healthcare provider. Hope this helps.

Sorry, but there is no way you can teach sign to an Alzheimers patient. They have lost the ability to learn anything new. Elderly do not like hearing aides. They have no idea how to use them. I was told by Moms doctor that he checks his patients in nursing facilities. He found one time that the aides were not putting batteries in the hearing aides. Have u checked Mom for wax in her ears. This causes hearing loss.

Putting on your hearing aide(s) is like putting on your prosthetic. You're not whole without it. Many people just relegate them to a drawer because they don't fit nor work right-for them. Then the person never gets to the doctor. My daughter's MIL is one of them; making her son so angry because she responds incorrectly, e.g. him-"do you want a glass of iced water?" her-"you said do I want to talk to a daughter?"

My husband and I have quite frequent arguements now, he misunderstands so much of what I say. He does wear them when he knows we r going to be out together but not when he is driving or going out for walks which worries me because he is frequently alone and says he doesn't need them at those times. I do understand why he doesn't in the house since he has to take them out when he watches tv, he uses special headphones and also when he is on his computer.
It's put a strain on our relationship and I avoid him most of the time. We r only in our early sixties so not too old and we are retired so we are together 24/7. i feel we are not that old and have much more life within us, I'm so damn tired of yelling so now don't anymore hoping he will get it and wear the d*mn things!

All great responses here but I especially liked ghe wss you explained things Counttymouse. Very well put.

Well, what I did today was not argue,or ask, after her shower, I simply put them in her ears..... not another peep out of her.... at least not about the hearing aids.... I had already planned to simply shrug my shoulders when she started saying WHAT, WHAT, WHAT???? I'll save that idea, tomorrow is another day...

Took my Mom to the audiologist today . . . was reminded to clean the hearig aids and replace the batteries once a week. Testing the batteries in that little machine wears down the battery. Just replace weekly.

Think of it as not putting on your prosthetic.

I don't understand why you would put off obtaining hearing aides. Also, I wear one and got used to it the first time I wore it.

Consequently, she started wearing her hearing aids only after feeling ashamed that she accused my sister of not talking to her on a past vacation...only to find out after trying them that she could then hear my sister. Also, she didn't wear them one day while driving and almost got ran off the road by a fire truck with its siren and horn blaring. She was ashamed once again due to the fact that perhaps someone died because she was in the way of the fire engine. Perhaps you could set up a situation where your care receiver effectively decides on their own that it would be best to wear the hearing aids from now on. ;)

All great answers...
Due to the forgetfullness caused by dementia and macular degeneration, I used large dry erase boards, thick markers, 2 inch tall text or larger. Eventually only black on white will be seen as color blending sets in. I also carry a clipboard with blank white paper, a black chesel tip thick marker, and scotch tape to avoid dementia's 20 thousand repeated questions. I am confident from what I see in her mannerisms that having those notes "We are going to a doctor's appt. today", "We are celebrating your sister's birthday today.", etc. keep her fear at bay and give her the security she likes to have. It is comforting to me that she will seek out the notes when the anxiousness/forgetfullness effects of dementia set in...and after reading the note, she is calm once again. This could happen every 2 minutes...and i am happy to give her the tools to provide comfort to her.

TooYoungForThis, thanks for the info on Costco, but I had to stop taking my parents to any of those realllllly big stores. Too much commotion for them, and too long of a walk from here to there. Even those stores overwhelm me.

Plus my Dad will get bored, get a cart and start roaming.... when my Mom and I are ready to leave, it takes me a good half hour trying to locate Dad in the store :P By then, I feel too exhausted to even drive them back home. Thus, I am Too Old For This.

I think all caregivers with a parent who is HOH goes through a lot of frustration with this. I know I have.

Just FYI, Costco carries hearing aids that are quality & state of the art, and are several thousand dollars less than at an audiologist's office. Costco will do a comprehensive hearing test & then let you demo a pair of hearing aids to walk around the store & shop to see what the quality of hearing improvement is. My mother got 2 digital hearing aids for less than $2,000. The people that work in the hearing aid department are very nice, efficient & great with elderly people. All follow up appointments are free, cleanings are free. There is such a markup on hearing aids that audiologists sell, and audiologists are very mad that Costco is now selling hearing aids because it greatly cuts into their profits. I think it is unethical & downright mean to charge $5,000 or $6,000 for a pair of hearing aids when you can get a pair of aids for less than $2,000. And insurance won't pay for them, which is a whole other issue. I don't think I would pay $6,000 for hearing aids either. But, there is an alternative, thanks to Costco.

Think most things that worked for me have been covered here already. Dad was reluctant to get hearing aids until other people told him they wore them. Now he wears them most of the time but occasionally forgets to put them in and can't tell when the battery needs changing. I will ask him to put them in or change the battery so we can have a normal conversation and I will wait until he does. If they are uncomfortable, we get them adjusted. They have a liquid substance you can put in the ear canal to make them go in easier. He also has wax that needs to be removed occasionally. I also find that conversations go much better when we are facing each other and he can see my lips move. If we are in a crowded place, I will lean in to his ear and talk normally or softly. He hears. But it's also true that there is a difference between hearing and understanding what you are saying. Sometimes we have to repeat things in a different context.

Reference the eyesight/glasses, tooth loss/denture analogies - it isn't quite as simple as that. Those devices immediately and precisely - more or less precisely, anyway - replace the lost faculty. With hearing aids it doesn't work like that.

Hearing is a much more complex process than just sound reaching the inner ear and then the brain, because the brain then has to process what it has heard. The trouble is that because we lose hearing so gradually, and because it's such a nuisance to correct, by the time we get round to buying hearing aids the loss is going to be very marked and, even more to the point, the processing part of the brain will be rusty and cobwebby. It takes time, patience and brain retraining to get your aids to work well, and to be honest if you're fed up and old and tired anyway you're just not likely to be in the mood to put in the necessary diligence. That's why so many of these insanely expensive gizmos get put away in a drawer and are never seen again.

Think of it not so much as putting on a pair of glasses as turning on a bright light. Where before there was an absence of sound, there is suddenly a heck of a racket - it's uncomfortable, and your poor brain is wrenched back into action and forced to deal with a job it hasn't been doing for years.

A good audiologist, or a really good commercial hearing technician if you're lucky enough to have one, will take your elder carefully through the process. Be there at the appointment, write down the instructions, and follow them conscientiously - or as conscientiously as your elder will co-operate with, at least, and good luck with that.

Broadly, the trick is to reintroduce the concept of hearing gradually. Routine and repetition are the key. The aids go in after your morning wash. Actively listen *to* something - music, a favourite radio programme, something you want to hear. Do that for an hour, gradually increasing the length of time. Vary the sounds being listened to. Keep at it. Come the Oh Happy Day, the benefit of hearing something you want to hear will outweigh the discomfort and inconvenience of having to fiddle about and stick bits of hard, noisy plastic in your ears; and after that it's a less daunting challenge to keep going.

And be a good patient/customer - go back regularly to have them adjusted, keep your devices properly clean, keep zillions of spare batteries, etc.

And, by the way, there was a report in the BMJ the other week on various methods of dewaxing ears, and it turns out that audiologists and ENT surgeons don't rate *any* of them - syringing, hooking, drops, they chucked out the lot and dismissed them as either useless or potentially damaging. They didn't say what you *should* do, mind; other than let your ears clean themselves, don't stick anything in them that's smaller than your elbow, and if wax gets really impacted they'll deal with it.

My daughter's mother-in-law has 2 aides that she keeps in a drawer! Very irritating to the family! I'm going with freqflyer's suggestion! Perfect idea!

Dementia seems to effect sight and hearing. Mom seems to have no problem hearing when u don't want her to. :) I can tell its not she doesn't hear, she doesn't process. She also has hearing aides but can't take them out correctly and pulls the tube out. Really, having something in your ear all the time can't be comfortable. My husband has nerve damage and the digital don't work with him. He did better with the analog. They have found one close to analog for him. I have been told that an adjustment can be made with the digital where they perform more like analog.

When faced with a similar situation, all I did was just not repeat myself or talk to the person very much. I just stood my ground by saying "never mind, I'm not a broken record." The person soon started wearing the hearing aids again and changing the batteries more often when they found out I'm just not going to repeat myself.

I learned sign language before I got her and tried to teach it to her. She said quit talking Swahili and talk right (I was). She wouldn't even try just the easy signs.

From what I've experienced, adjusting to hearing aids is not easy. Suddenly sounds are louder, and it can be unsettling. It's my understanding that hearing deficits can occur in certain ranges, such as higher pitched female voices, so someone might not be able to hear those ranges w/o aids, but with a hearing aid in place, then that range as well as other background noises (which can be irritating) become louder. And all that background noise can really be irritating. So then the person decides not to wear his/her hearing aids.

P.S. My Mom wears her hearing aids but claims "they don't do a damn bit of good." I clean them weekly. Most times she has them in the off position.

I have no answers, but telling all of you caring people about my situation will help me. So bear with me or skip over my comment. My mother is 93, legally blind and profoundly deaf. I raise my voice as loud as I physically can but she hears little. She has mild dementia and lives in independent living. She claims "I will know when I need AL." Not even funny. My sister (who lives far away) and I would force a move to AL but we are afraid the money will run out before she does. Mom thinks she is so independent. Ha. She has no idea the stress I bear trying to lovingly care for her. I run out of breath, patience, energy on a daily basis. She has regular appts. with several doctors (eye, ear, heart, skin, oncologist, PCP and more). I take her to all. I manage all of her healthcare and insurance. I try to carve out days/short trips for myself and my husband but they are all to infrequent. And did I mention the non-stop complaining that I listen to daily; the same complaints over and over again. I try to be sympathetic. It is not easy. I haven't told you the half of it. I realize others have far more burdens to bear than do I. So I just try my best and go to bed praying for increased strength, wisdom, compassion and patience. And I thank God that my husband and I are still relatively healthy.

I think that with or without hearing aids, people with Alzheimers just can't comprehend what one is saying. My husband is very hard of hearing, and has Alzheimers. I took him to the audiologist for to have the hearing aids reprogramed. It doesn't seem to have helped him. Instead, he will take out the hearing aids and ask you to repeat. Then he'll think you said something else; something entirely off the subject. It is so frustrating....marymember

People who have bad teeth get dentures. Bad vision, get glasses. Bad hearing? BLAME EVERYONE ELSE OR MAKE THEM YELL/REPEAT. I dont chew food for others, nor do I read to them unless they are blind. My sig other is told that I will not enable him because he wont get his age-related hearing deficit checked. I have been hearing impaired since age 10, got an implanted hearing aid MedEl (NOT a cochlear implant) about 8 years ago, in my 40's. I do not repeat myself more than once, do not raise my voice, and don' t criticize people who dont/ wont wear their HA. I can get away with this because I wear my HA and dont ask people to speak up because I cant hear. I have had people write things for me if really important and I still dont hear or understand. Most people tell me the HA is uncomfortable or doesnt work anyway. Also, as a health care worker, yelling violates privacy laws and embarrasses patients. I agree totally with using a normal or softer voice. Higher pitched (female) voices are first sounds to be lost. I have been very successful lowering my voice and speaking directly into HOH person's ear. Private and effective. Good luck to all of you!

Have you tried new batteries in the aids? My aunt goes to bed later than me, and never disconnects batteries. They last that way only 10 days. She does not notice when they need replacing. When necessary to hear choices from me or the doctors, I just write it on a paper.

What an impossible situation! It must make you despair.

I was able to speak more loudly but I used to find it exhausting - and as well as that, the drag of having to repeat every sentence made me reluctant to start a conversation sometimes. Especially because I began to suspect that it wasn't exactly that my mother couldn't hear: she'd just assume she couldn't, and then when I repeated myself would quite often complete the sentence for me. It used to drive me to distraction.

What I started to do was make sure she was looking at me and paying attention, then pause, then speak slightly more slowly than normal but at normal volume. It kind of worked. No miracles, though, I'm afraid; but I hope something like that might help.

My Dad is ready to buy my Mom an old fashioned ear trumpet... probably would work just as well.... plus can't roll one up in a tissue... can't hide it in drawer unless its a deep drawer.... and can't flush it down by mistake :P

For the much younger generation not familiar with this item, Google "ear trumpet".

I agree with those who suggest just being with your mom and showing your love with hugs, glances and a touch to the hand. If possible, sit and watch the trees and birds outside or take a photo album to look at. Words aren't that important, IMO. It's the feeling and just seeing you that will brighten her day. As she progresses, she may change her acceptance of the hearing aid. Why not discuss the matter with the Memory Care staff or patient rep. Certainly, this is a common problem and they should have ideas on how they have dealt with it before. Eventually, she may forget that she doesn't want to wear the hearing aid, but then the problem comes with keeping up with it and they often get lost or misplaced.

Oh...ear wax could be a problem...the doctor could clean out the ears on occasion . .. cant hurt.

Omg...my father has driven me crazy with this problem! In the beginning after we bought a pair of hearing aids...hewould keep saying he couldnt hear...we had them adjusted at least 7 times! Oh he could hear fine in the doctors office...but would tell me he couldnt hear me at home! Year after year after year new hearing aids...and truly he hears only what he wants!! This last time i updated his hearing aids and he doesnt bother putting them in!! Needless to say after years of him putting his hand up in my face . ... ive spoken to him very little! He wore me out with his games, i dont worry about it anymore...buy he hears me wen its important enuff...or i just walk away!