Mom received note from family services in her door, is this normal?

I have to second what sunnygirl is saying; I've had friends in NYC who've told me that they are subjected to guilt trips by agency and hospital social workers asking why they can't take care of their family members...when the family member is working to support themselves and their children and the parent or relative needs 24/7 care to be safe. So I'd err on the side of accepting help; also, somehow parents seem much more able to give in when it's "the state" saying that they need care, rather than their poor worn out child/neice/relative

sunflo2, when you are there visiting, check the business card.... maybe it was just a door to door salesperson that owns a family business selling whatever.

Well she read me the note this morning just saying it was city of X family services and the name on the card. She would not give me the number and stated she would call. Unfortunately, I'm not confident she will call. I found the family services number on the web and will call tomorrow to understand more. I was just baffled as to why they would leave in the door vs. trying harder to make personal contact and thought others may have had previous experience with this.

Should I fill them in on her situation in advance or let them talk to her first? She has been known to lie to drs, police etc and tell them I live up the street, she has family nearby, dr visits her at her home, all untruths, but then nothing happens, no supports get put in place etc. they allow her to continue along.

Sorry, I can only hope that this leads to getting her to accept help to improve her quality of living.

Sunflo, look at this as a very timely intervention. Someone was concerned about her and called family services/adult protective services because they have reason to believe she should not be alone. I would call the agency to give them a heads up. Leaving the card on the door is probably their protocol. In my state once an investigation is requested they have 72 hours to respond. And mom may have been home and decided to let the door go unanswered. Investigator may have heard her moving around in the house.

Call them tomorrow. It should be an interesting conversation and an opportunity to express your concerns. Also make sure you tell them of all of your efforts to influence your mom to change her living situation.

Just a word of caution. Sometimes if the state agency believes a family member is willing to take over with the senior's care, they will pull back and then you're stuck trying to convince a loved one to get help on your own. I stepped in with my cousin and in some ways wished I hadn't. If Social Services had stepped in, they would have had more authority, took court action and I could have avoided all the weeks of begging, pleading, etc. to convince her to accept help. Sometimes the state authority has more influence and know of the resources and how to set them up.

Sunflower, all good thoughts coming your way. You don't have to read many posts on this site to see how quickly things can devolve into chaos when an elder refuses help and a child tries their best.

I would tell the social worker " Look, my hands are tied and your hands are tied because she refuses help. Where do we go from here?" Build a plan together, join forces. If family services wants to move her, they can be the ones getting the court order for protective custody.

It is common protocol to do exactly as your mother described, leaving a business card in an unmarked envelope when no one comes to the door. The tells them who was there but the envelope preserves privacy. How long would you expect them to stand there? If the person doesn't call back the investigator will try again....but not forever if they can't make contact. Call APS hotline and tell them your mom's name and ask them to give your info to the assigned caseworker. Then go from there.

Hi friends, here is an update. I visited mom and all is well; honestly I can say she's better than ever; her house was organized, she's clean, clothes clean, she's sharp on her finances (bills paid, witnessed her reconciling her bank statement to checkbook, food okay, etc.). Amazing considering she is 91. We spent almost 4 days together and she is managing.

Back to APS notice. Well, as I suspected they did little to no follow up. Thank god mom is doing fine; but if she weren't -- I would have not faith in this town's family services. Here's what i found out.
Mom had just a card in an envelope left in the door with hand written note to call appearing on the envelope.
Mom called the person on the card (surprise!). "Mom said they just wanted to move someone in her house and she was NOT having a stranger move into her house". THat was about it.
WHile I was there; another envelope arrived in the mail from "family services". Mom opened and there was a cover letter indicating a case number and the case worker. It was a form letter in which a box was checked "Case closed"; typed comment: "Client refused services".
No personal visit; no nothing.
Luckily mom is okay -- BUT I thought how can someone close a case without placing a home visit to a 91 yr old. How does this case worker know mom is not "toileting on the floor"; has no food, no heat, water doesn't work, ceiling falling in, etc. -- Any senior could say anything or anwer questions any way they want -- but unless you visit them or observe living conditions, you can't make an evaluation.
I'm not saying that is their job exactly; but if a senior has been reported and you take the time to drive to their house; you would at least make an appt and do a home visit.

Dissappointing; but not surprised.

The good news is that I felt good about mom, she is managing and we had a nice visit. I would like her in AL where I could be confident she was being "overseen" and had company, regular meals, etc; but she chooses to stay barracaded in her home without "anyone in her business" and I guess as long as she is still managing I will have to accept it. We did visit an AL close by (mom was at least curious) so that is a step; though she admantly said the next day she didn't want to live there until she couldn't do for herself at all; then she'd move there. I know that means NH at that point; but I kept my mouth shut.

Bottom line; her town is worthless.

The county APS does not move someone into your house. Could this have been a scam? Read it all carefully.