Mom received note from family services in her door, is this normal?

It would be normal for social services to follow up on an elder alone who recently got out of the hospital. It is also possible that a neighbor, police or even the mailman made a referral. Call her county family services and meet the social worker at mom's home. Family Services is the same as APS. Also check with her police department, make sure they know how to contact you if there is a dispatch to her home. If you are the POA, you must respond to APS or they will allege neglect.

She hasn't been to the hospital and oddly a couple neighbors and police do have my number as a contact; but have not contacted me. She is alienated from all neighbors and friends. It's Sunday so I will call tomorrow as well. I am planning a visit this week so meeting social services at the home would work--but she is going to be livid as well as telling them she is fine. Her home is in order and for the most part she manages day to day quite well including her finances. I'm not sure they will find anything other than she lives alone with no nearby friends, relatives, or neighbors who can check on her well being.

I'm supposed to be POA but she won't let me see a notarized copy nor do I have one, only a copy that was never notarized. Don't ask, we've been blue in the face over this one.

My fear is this is just an investigation leading to no change. I would love to get a call saying your mom needs to move and we could get her in AL. She won't accept in home care, been there and it was a nightmare and failure.

Ps. Thank you for your response, I love coming here because everyone gives some great advice and real life experience. I respect your advice because it's always straight forward. Thanks for your valuable insight.

I'd venture to guess that a neighbor (or someone else) called and asked for a welfare check for her. Perhaps thought she could use some help.

This could be a wonderful opportunity to set mom up with some services. Depending on her situation, she may find out she's eligible for greatly reduced or even free services from the Council on Aging.

When you visit her, try to copy down that name and phone number. Call them on the down low, arrange an appointment and plan on being there at the appropriate time.

sunflo2, when you are there visiting, check the business card.... maybe it was just a door to door salesperson that owns a family business selling whatever.

Well she read me the note this morning just saying it was city of X family services and the name on the card. She would not give me the number and stated she would call. Unfortunately, I'm not confident she will call. I found the family services number on the web and will call tomorrow to understand more. I was just baffled as to why they would leave in the door vs. trying harder to make personal contact and thought others may have had previous experience with this.

Should I fill them in on her situation in advance or let them talk to her first? She has been known to lie to drs, police etc and tell them I live up the street, she has family nearby, dr visits her at her home, all untruths, but then nothing happens, no supports get put in place etc. they allow her to continue along.

Sorry, I can only hope that this leads to getting her to accept help to improve her quality of living.

Sunflo, look at this as a very timely intervention. Someone was concerned about her and called family services/adult protective services because they have reason to believe she should not be alone. I would call the agency to give them a heads up. Leaving the card on the door is probably their protocol. In my state once an investigation is requested they have 72 hours to respond. And mom may have been home and decided to let the door go unanswered. Investigator may have heard her moving around in the house.

Call them tomorrow. It should be an interesting conversation and an opportunity to express your concerns. Also make sure you tell them of all of your efforts to influence your mom to change her living situation.

Oh yes, I would call them tomorrow am ! If you have POA but don't have a copy of it, I would let them know that as well. Best of luck with this!

Just a word of caution. Sometimes if the state agency believes a family member is willing to take over with the senior's care, they will pull back and then you're stuck trying to convince a loved one to get help on your own. I stepped in with my cousin and in some ways wished I hadn't. If Social Services had stepped in, they would have had more authority, took court action and I could have avoided all the weeks of begging, pleading, etc. to convince her to accept help. Sometimes the state authority has more influence and know of the resources and how to set them up.

I have to second what sunnygirl is saying; I've had friends in NYC who've told me that they are subjected to guilt trips by agency and hospital social workers asking why they can't take care of their family members...when the family member is working to support themselves and their children and the parent or relative needs 24/7 care to be safe. So I'd err on the side of accepting help; also, somehow parents seem much more able to give in when it's "the state" saying that they need care, rather than their poor worn out child/neice/relative

Thank you Sunnygirl and ba8, I've given it thought this afternoon and feel what you suggested is just how this will be handled...they will expect me to step in. Previously I have been unsuccessful in getting any support thru the local agencies, even when mom was delusional and paranoid for a period 2 yrs ago. I was badgered to take discharge and I did and it was a horrible mistake as I believe she would have thrived in a care setting. I live in another state and still work full time in a travel job and not near retirement. She doesn't want to move near to me and she just wants to die in her house. My understanding is they will likely talk to her but can't force her to move or accept assistance. I would rather they investigate independently without my interference. Police have my number and have called me in the past when she called them she had been burglarized when she had just misplaced her purse. Drs, hospital also have my number. I suspect if it is serious I will be contacted. Regardless, I am spending a couple days with her this week. I'm certain she won't tell me anything if they contact her. I reinforce to mom that I love her and will help her anyway I can but that I will not be moving back.

Sunflower, all good thoughts coming your way. You don't have to read many posts on this site to see how quickly things can devolve into chaos when an elder refuses help and a child tries their best.

I would tell the social worker " Look, my hands are tied and your hands are tied because she refuses help. Where do we go from here?" Build a plan together, join forces. If family services wants to move her, they can be the ones getting the court order for protective custody.

It is common protocol to do exactly as your mother described, leaving a business card in an unmarked envelope when no one comes to the door. The tells them who was there but the envelope preserves privacy. How long would you expect them to stand there? If the person doesn't call back the investigator will try again....but not forever if they can't make contact. Call APS hotline and tell them your mom's name and ask them to give your info to the assigned caseworker. Then go from there.

I wonder if someone was just concerned about your mom and got a business card from the agency and dropped it off. It doesn't necessarily mean that the agency has her on their radar. That would be something I would do as a concerned neighbor, to make it easy for the person to know who to call. So don't necessarily assume it's an intervention. I'd think they'd have a standard letter "We were here but you weren't home" kind of thing that they'd leave if it was really a visit or well-being check. But I'm just guessing....

Blannie, the protocol I reported above is what they do at first. After trying in person a few times they might send a letter. Your scenario is much less likely. Just face it, somebody is concerned about mom, and it doesn't matter who..

In small counties, who have limited resources, the dept of social services is prone to allow and encourage family members to step in and take care of the elderly or in need person. I tried my best to get them to assist me with my cousin, but they just hold off if there is a responsible family member anywhere on the scene. If you are a family member and sound responsible, they will bow out and pray that you will take over. They have so much on their plate. I guess that's the reason.

I would also be careful staying with your mom. If you are living under the roof with her and know she is not capable to take care of herself, then you leaving her there in that condition might be problematic. Maybe I'm too cautious, but I would look into what liability and responsibility you have by staying with her and then walking out.

Hi friends, here is an update. I visited mom and all is well; honestly I can say she's better than ever; her house was organized, she's clean, clothes clean, she's sharp on her finances (bills paid, witnessed her reconciling her bank statement to checkbook, food okay, etc.). Amazing considering she is 91. We spent almost 4 days together and she is managing.

Back to APS notice. Well, as I suspected they did little to no follow up. Thank god mom is doing fine; but if she weren't -- I would have not faith in this town's family services. Here's what i found out.
Mom had just a card in an envelope left in the door with hand written note to call appearing on the envelope.
Mom called the person on the card (surprise!). "Mom said they just wanted to move someone in her house and she was NOT having a stranger move into her house". THat was about it.
WHile I was there; another envelope arrived in the mail from "family services". Mom opened and there was a cover letter indicating a case number and the case worker. It was a form letter in which a box was checked "Case closed"; typed comment: "Client refused services".
No personal visit; no nothing.
Luckily mom is okay -- BUT I thought how can someone close a case without placing a home visit to a 91 yr old. How does this case worker know mom is not "toileting on the floor"; has no food, no heat, water doesn't work, ceiling falling in, etc. -- Any senior could say anything or anwer questions any way they want -- but unless you visit them or observe living conditions, you can't make an evaluation.
I'm not saying that is their job exactly; but if a senior has been reported and you take the time to drive to their house; you would at least make an appt and do a home visit.

Dissappointing; but not surprised.

The good news is that I felt good about mom, she is managing and we had a nice visit. I would like her in AL where I could be confident she was being "overseen" and had company, regular meals, etc; but she chooses to stay barracaded in her home without "anyone in her business" and I guess as long as she is still managing I will have to accept it. We did visit an AL close by (mom was at least curious) so that is a step; though she admantly said the next day she didn't want to live there until she couldn't do for herself at all; then she'd move there. I know that means NH at that point; but I kept my mouth shut.

Bottom line; her town is worthless.

The county APS does not move someone into your house. Could this have been a scam? Read it all carefully.

Hi pam; no; that was just mom's perception. The business card was from APS as well as the letter and I verified that it was all legit. I'm sure they just said "well we can get services for you in your home" and all mom heard was "we want to have someone in your home". Mom is totally paranoid of any stranger coming into her home since I had in-home CNA care there almost 2 yrs ago per county services request. She rebelled and ultimately fired them and I couldn't legally stop it. So at this point, she is distrustful of any of the town's services including the police. She is an immovable object. I tried to explain to her what they meant -- but she threw up her hands and stated she was having no part of it.

It seems like it is so common that elders don't want "strangers" in the house. I am the opposite..

Both my parents are the same way with their home, no strangers. Dad has always been the handyman around the house and even now at 93 he still thinks he can handle any chore that is put in front of him, even cleaning gutters.... I use to grumble that he should hire someone, but now I yet let him do what he wants.... and I hope I don't hear my parent's address on the EMT scanner :P