At this point I am willing to try anything to make her understand that she is not talking to Russell Crowe. If I could reach out to Mr. Crowe or his manager, I would do whatever it takes to get her to understand that she needs to stop.This month, Septermber she found out that she has Breast Cancer and will be going into surgery in October. Her doctor knows of this texting and he has mentioned to her she needs to save her money because of not knowing what she might need in the future after surgery. She is not truthful with Dr.We asked the Dr. if there's anything we can do, he said since she is buying and sending cards to this person, there's nothing to do.
Do you have any suggestions??
Thank you,
Rio1063
No doctor is going to solve this problem except to diagnose her with something (like dementia at a level that requires the intervention of a PoA).
Are you her PoA? If not, this may be a tricky situation to get under control. You can try taking screen shots of her texts and presenting them to her bank and giving them a heads-up that she is being scammed. They are often helpful in these situations.
I have a friend whose 80-something mom was swindled out of her entire life savings and her house and car by a similar scam. The mom STILL believes this Prince Charming is a real person who is going to materialize and marry her any day now.
My friend ( her daughter and only child) tried to get court ordered guardianship because the mom had no will/ DPOA and no diagnosis. The mom went through court-ordered testing for dementia and it was found inconclusive. She’s now living in a slum motel on nothing but her meager Social Security and eating the motel breakfast plus whatever junk food she can afford from the convenience store next door. Really sad.
Get her a prepaid credit card and let her use that.
She clearly has either mental illness or dementia (her good judgement is gone).
Is she diagnosed with dementia or does she have Mets to her brain from the breast cancer?
Speak to the doctor again and ask for thorough cognitive testing, not a mini test but a full work up. If you can get her to go and she’s diagnosed mentally incompetent then you may use your POA (if you’re designated as such) or you can go to court and apply for guardianship.
A step you can take for now, if she agrees, is signing her up for a credit monitoring and protection service. You can tell a little fib and say your job is paying for employees and their families or something similar, so you can see if she’s losing more than just gift card money.
My suggestion is to take your mother's phone with no access to internet. Contact your Attorney General's Office and report the scam. Your mother is a vulnerable adult and should not be taken advantage of in this manner. She will need her money for her care and not passing it on to criminals to support their families.
Telegram or Whatsapp. These are my suggestions, most importantly never, ever send money. Show your mom the Wikipedia page for Russell Crowe. She may not believe it is real but Wikipedia is the real deal. I usually run across a scammer about every 3 to 6 months, I usually get the widower type using some male models picture.
Hope this helps, so sorry that nonsense is going on.
Take control of her finances immediately. Monitor daily.
If it continues and she can't learn or disconnect from the behavior, disconnect her from electronics. Understanding these scams are rules for engagement.
My husband and I are “children” to our daughter.
She can track us and is notified of calls at night and during school hours and probably other events.
I am blocked from calls from unknown callers and have several spam blockers. It is nice.
My husband does not have the unknown caller block and spends much of his day listening to his phone ring from spam calls ( he cannot remember to shut off the ringer).
He still answers a lot of spam calls.
Do as others have advised and get her a senior phone with no internet access that can only make calls or text. Then talk to her bank.
I filed the form on this page: https://www.ic3.gov/
And this page: https://reportfraud.ftc.gov/
I copied as much of the messages as I could (they were deleting their messages after he read them). For you, it would be copying the texts.
I reported the fake profile to FB and blocked them. If this person is also interacting with your mom via FB, then you need to do that as well.
Get your hands on mom's phone and report the texts as spam and block the number. She doesn't even need to know you did this. Go into settings and allow only phone numbers in her contact list get through and screen all other calls. (An update to my Google Pixel phone recently kept even the realtor handling the sale of my parents' home from getting through to me. I had to add his number as a contact.)
And as others have said, make a report to the police.
Take the phone to the police immediately and see what they can do to help you, they may have you contact the FBI. If you have financial poa, close the accounts immediately and close credit card accounts too. Put a hold on her credit at all three credit reporting companies.
If all else fails, take her phone when she is not around. Later, you can help her look for it as it is "lost". Get her another phone that has all parental limitations, oh and she will also need a new email address that you can monitor. If she has a computer, disable it (oh not it is not working! and maybe get her an ipad with parental controls. If she is in a facility, she can use the computer there.
If its the same number she keeps texting you can block it. Or you can have the permissions in the phone made only to accept the numbers you assign in the phone as contacts. So if she has an iphone ..go to setting then screen time then communications limits and only choose contacts. Then only contacts will be able to communicate with her.
In the same screen time you can adjust the privacy restrictions to allow the privacy of the choice you want restricted ...hope it works
There are special phones which only allow calls to the numbers you have programmed. No incoming or outgoing calls from numbers you haven't already programmed. There are some with a touch pad and photos of family members, the elder only has to touch the photo of the person they want to call. Also they can have video calls. GrandPad is one name that comes to mind, but there are others. Google it.
You should also try and take charge of her finances. If she hasn't already named someone as POA, then consult with an elder attorney to see what you need to do. Give her a debit card with limited funds. Some people will say buy prepaid debit cards, but I think having a debit card through the bank is easier for you to manage, to see what she is spending on, and to add funds whenever you need. Either give her a debit card to an account in your name, or open a joint account, so you can transfer funds easily.
You can report this through ic3.gov FBI.gov your State Attorney General's office, and your local police. The police probably cannot do much, but it's more for completeness, and to have a police report to take to the bank. Do not forget to notify the 3 major credit agencies (on your Mom's behalf), as if the scammers have her Social Security number, and other personal info (which she might have given them), they have plenty of info to open new accounts in her name and take out loans in her name.
Taking her phone or other internet-connected devices away is probably not a good option. Even changing her number (or provider) and blocking his number is far from a sure thing! It could also be construed as elder abuse from you, depending on her exact situation - even though you're trying to help and protect her.
You mention she's sending him "cards". Are these gift cars (from stores), or are they prepaid Mastercard/Visa? This could be part of other scams, leading to purchase of export-restricted items. Most scammers/scam crews do not limit themselves to one type of scam! Nor to one victim.
This is a known problem, and many others have been where you or your Mom are. The trick right now is to get her out of his thrall. Some resources that might be able to help are
https://www.fbi.gov/how-we-can-help-you/scams-and-safety/common-frauds-and-scams/romance-scams
https://www.ic3.gov/Outreach/Resources#resources-for-older-adults
https://www.fbi.gov/how-we-can-help-you/scams-and-safety/common-frauds-and-scams/romance-scams
https://fraud.org/sweetheart-swindles/
The FBI page has numerous stories and videos about scams and swindles. The IC3 (Internet Crime Complaint Center - a part of the FBI) is worth reading for both you and her. You to find out what sorts of help are available. Her to help her realize what she's fallen for. It is NEVER easy to convince someone they've fallen for such a thing!
The typical "Nigerian Scam", such as the one you describe, may or may not come from West Africa. That's where this type started decades ago, but now, there are scammers throughout Europe, the US, Canada, Latin America, Australia, Japan... There are also "Russian Scams", which work differently, but are also no longer originating in Russia or Eastern Europe. In fact, MOST scams targeting Americans originate in the US!
If any part of this went through the Post office - or private carriers such as UPS or FedEX, report it to a postal inspector at your local post office (if available), or the local post office can put you in touch with a postal inspector.
IMPORTANTLY if you/she receives a negotiable instrument such as a money order or cashier's check, verify it with the bank or other issuer. If you're turning it in, write VOID across the front, so you cannot be construed as "passing a fraudulent check". Due to archaic banking practices and laws, such an item will immediately be available in your account. If you/she then takes the money out and uses it (to send to the scammer in various ways), it will come back in days or weeks as fraudulent, and you/she will be responsible for paying the money back!
Once you realize this, you do what you need to do.
* change her computer / phone usage ability.
* Block some numbers / websites.
* Get medical authorization from primary physician that she is unable to take care of herself / her own welfare - with this documentation, you can gain legal control over areas you need to manage.
Gena / Touch Matters
You will not make her understand that she is being scammed.
You will not be able to get her to stop sending cards, money, texts or anything else to anyone she should not be.
YOU need to take control of the situation.
Block numbers on her phone.
Set it up so she can make calls ONLY to those people that she knows.
If she is using a computer set up parental controls on that as well.
If all else fails you take the computer because it "broke" and you are going to have it fixed.
You take the phone because the carrier is changing and she needs a new phone. The phone you provide her with will not be a "smart phone" and you can have more control over that one.
The doctor telling her she needs to save money means nothing to her as she probably has no concept of money or if she does what the value of it is. Other than knowing that she can make purchases. But to her $1.00 is the same as $100.00 or $100,000. 00
If you are not POA of finances I think that ship has sailed and you need to get Guardianship.
If you are POA then you are not doing what you should to protect her assets.
My husband has NPH and for 2 years he has been financially irresponsible and I have tried reasoning with him. I am just now starting to take action to stop the bleeding. It's a matter of not being able to pay the monthly bills. You really don't want your mom to lose the ability to stay where she is and to live in a safe place.
I just saw a National Geographic program on TV about scammers. They are in the USA, South America, Israel, and other places. They prey on older people who are lonely or have dementia and they laugh at how much money they make. It's horrible!! Take action to stop it and her access to communicate with them. Don't wait!!
God bless!