My Husband started to do the same thing. I would "frisk" him before we left a store and would remove items from his pockets. If I found something after we got home I often would return the item or pay for it if it was a food items when I went back to the store the next day. One time I even asked to talk to the store manager since my Husband had removed tags from a garment. I explained the situation and they were very understanding in every case. If it is theft of item from another household member they need to understand that this will probably continue for a while and any items that are not locked up or put away where they are not likely to be found are "fair game" for her "shopping" Lying. You can not argue so don't even start. She does not understand the concept of a "lie" because it is her truth. One of the reasons a person is declared incompetent is they do not understand "normal" concepts. Lying, telling the truth, stealing, ownership are all part of that.
You hide what's important and accept the fact that people with dementia lie and steal things as it's part of the disease. Please don't expect your Mom to fess up because that's not going to happen.
If a person has cancer is vomiting, losing their hair, etc. from chemo somehow we find a way to deal with that. Dementia is no different with all the behaviors that come with it.
You are correct, but it is exhausting, mentally, to be thinking ahead to prevent problems, and so challenging to find answers to prevent a problem at times. My mom was always OCD about locking up for the night..now she continues but the chip in her brain is so broken that instead of LOCKING our patio door, she UNlocks it. It's a toggle and I have even put labels on to indicate the locked/unlocked position...which she was insulted enough to pull off...and continue UNlocking the door. So I learned about a U (upside down U) sliding lock we can add...now a project on hold not wanting any outsiders in due to the virus.
Well Blondie, you don’t give us very much information but since you posted under dementia I’ll assume your problem may be that you are expecting someone with a broken brain to respond as someone without this illness might.
When someone’s behavior changes suddenly it’s always best to check for a UTI. The UTI can manifest in ways that appear to be increased dementia which is caused by a bacterial infection. The correct antibiotic can clear this up. So have her checked for a UTI.
Lying is usually confabulation, a symptom of mental illness. Read this to see how it can affect her or just google the word confabulation.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confabulation
The one thing you can count on with dementia is that it will progress. Her behavior will change. Today it is this, tomorrow it will be something else.
Look at Teepa Snow videos on YouTube and notice the similarities to your mom. Notice how she uses gentle persuasion with folks with dementia.
Your mom will not be convinced she is lying or stealing. Her broken brain won’t allow it. There is no intention of deception. You can do a search on this site for confabulation or lying and you will see that many posters go through this same issue with their loved ones. You are not alone.
The only thing to add is that there are times when the relationship with these loved ones is not so great and Teepa's wonder way and sometime touch...physically or verbally...doesn't work for all of the duos of afflicted and caregiver. This scenario rings true for me because mom "takes" things that aren't hers like other people's shoes (i.e. here in the house), or clothes, obviously clueless of whose is whose. In the beginning she was totally obsessed with making the fridge warmer and sharp enough if someone said something to say it was because Dad did not like his orange juice cold. Which also was a lie.
Look up Natalie Edmonds’ “Why do People With Dementia Lie” on YouTube. This was eye opening and madd me realize that my mom has been failing long before diagnosis and why she had been lying for years. She was also in denial about EVERYTHING, including her CHF/dementia. She’d shut down and not discuss anything with me.
I also found the Roslyn Carter Institute webinars for caregivers very helpful.
And so it begins!! Yes you got some great advice. And yes it can be UTI among other things. It also can be a person with Alz/dementia for whatever reason people with this horrible disease start lying and stealing. Why? Because their brains just don't work like they use to or should! It can be very frustrating to say in the least. I wish you would give us more details to help you. This is a great place to get answers and support; moreover, just reading other people's posts can help you by realize you are not alone and others have gone through what you are going through.
blondie - my Alz. mother also steals and hides things, too. Anything pretty, sparkles, pretty color pencils from my kids, knickknacks, etc. will not escape her sticky fingers. Before we knew she had a problem, she had swiped a (fake) diamond necklace, and a bottle of perfume (a tester) from a large department store and put them in her purse. We discovered them after we left the store. When asked, she said those were hers all along. In her mind, that's what she believes. There is no arguing with a demented mind.
So now, she no longer carries a purse anywhere. We check her pockets when we're out shopping with her, and we watch her like a hawk.
For your mother, most likely, she has forgotten about the jewelry she took.
My mother does the same thing. I go in her room and search it from top to bottom. I always find what she’s taken. I don’t why she does it she always says “I didn’t do it” they just don’t understand what they’re doing it’s like living with a child.
I also check my Mom's room (she has dementia) as she takes things that I forget to hide. Anything important I hide in high places since she can't reach.
I also have to hide her mail because it may be a bill in her name and she will take that (seeing her name) but I pay her bills since my Mom is not capable of that plus I have POA of financial and medical.
Your mom may believe that those things she is stealing are in fact hers. This often happened when I worked in memory care. Sometimes it's just the loss of impulse control: "It's pretty and I want it so I'll take it." Although there might be some degree of deceptiveness involved, there may be more forgetfulness than deception.
It's interesting that what you said in your first sentence happens, because there are others who insist that their possessions (such as clothes) aren't actually their own. My mother went through the latter with her father--she didn't know what he was going to wear because most of his clothes "weren't his"!
What a strange thing dementia is, and how it affects one's perception!
With my mother in law, she's been pretty much like a toddler when it comes to possessions. If she sees it, it's hers. It got to the point where I had to put a key lock door know on our bedroom door to keep her from rummaging around in there and taking things. As the disease has progressed, she's got out of that behavior pretty much.
I would "frisk" him before we left a store and would remove items from his pockets. If I found something after we got home I often would return the item or pay for it if it was a food items when I went back to the store the next day. One time I even asked to talk to the store manager since my Husband had removed tags from a garment. I explained the situation and they were very understanding in every case.
If it is theft of item from another household member they need to understand that this will probably continue for a while and any items that are not locked up or put away where they are not likely to be found are "fair game" for her "shopping"
Lying. You can not argue so don't even start.
She does not understand the concept of a "lie" because it is her truth.
One of the reasons a person is declared incompetent is they do not understand "normal" concepts. Lying, telling the truth, stealing, ownership are all part of that.
If a person has cancer is vomiting, losing their hair, etc. from chemo somehow we find a way to deal with that. Dementia is no different with all the behaviors that come with it.
You know the truth and you know she's stealing. Facts are facts and no need for her to admit anything.
Where is she stealing things from? Stores? Or from family members in the house, etc?
When someone’s behavior changes suddenly it’s always best to check for a UTI. The UTI can manifest in ways that appear to be increased dementia which is caused by a bacterial infection. The correct antibiotic can clear this up. So have her checked for a UTI.
Lying is usually confabulation, a symptom of mental illness.
Read this to see how it can affect her or just google the word confabulation.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confabulation
The one thing you can count on with dementia is that it will progress. Her behavior will change. Today it is this, tomorrow it will be something else.
Look at Teepa Snow videos on YouTube and notice the similarities to your mom. Notice how she uses gentle persuasion with folks with dementia.
Your mom will not be convinced she is lying or stealing. Her broken brain won’t allow it. There is no intention of deception. You can do a search on this site for confabulation or lying and you will see that many posters go through this same issue with their loved ones. You are not alone.
I also found the Roslyn Carter Institute webinars for caregivers very helpful.
thanks for this tip. I’m very familiar with confabulation but this explanation is so detailed. Excellent video.
I am truly sorry that you are going through this.
So now, she no longer carries a purse anywhere. We check her pockets when we're out shopping with her, and we watch her like a hawk.
For your mother, most likely, she has forgotten about the jewelry she took.
I would have never guess that stealing and lying was so common with people who have Alz/dementia!! It's just insane!🐾
I also have to hide her mail because it may be a bill in her name and she will take that (seeing her name) but I pay her bills since my Mom is not capable of that plus I have POA of financial and medical.
What a strange thing dementia is, and how it affects one's perception!
As the disease has progressed, she's got out of that behavior pretty much.
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