What should I do when my mom continually points at fat people or discusses people within hearing distance?

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I took her for supper but she won't stop telling me how fat the one waitress is and even pointin it out She can't leave other people or their children alone Keeps on smiling, waving and pointing them out When I told her to stop it she started shouting at me and didn't want the grapetizer I ordered after she had a Savanna and two glasses of wine I can't continue like this

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Jeanne, when I was very pregnant with my second child a woman in a supermarket rudely shoved her shopping cart into me as though I'd been standing in her way (I wasn't, she was being impatient). As we waited in line, she did a double take and said "oh sorry! I thought you were fat."

a) Really? I was seven months gone.
and
b) So? It's all right to run your shopping cart into fat people all of a sudden?

All I could think of to say was that she was really horrible, so I didn't say anything.
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... and IF two glasses of wine were consumed on top of any medication- well, two glasses can be more like six. Sorry for butting in but it could be a contributing factor... just saying.
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devestatedinco, you said you wouldn't let her have alcohol. Why?
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I never said alcohol was responsible for this behavior! The letter stated two glasses were consumed. Period.
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And, btw (don't worry I'm not going to tell another story) in the case of jeannegibbs - when the little girl said "Look it's the fat lady..." I can help but think had the little girls mother used that as a teach-able moment and then had the little cherub apologize to jeannegibbs - the little girl might have grown up to be the better for it and be just a tiny bit more sensitive to the feeling of others. But that's just me.
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I had never heard my Mom make judgements on anyone until the past few years. My Grandma would always say something about almost everyone that passed by.

I am thinking my Mom has always thought those thoughts, those words just came out of her mouth when she developed dementia.

Mom usually looks at someone and I know it's just a matter of time before she says something hurtful so I either hurry her along or start talking about something getting her interested to something else. Dementia is good, in this case, as her attention factor is less than 10 seconds.
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What lindylu says rings a bell for me - and reminds me of another situation (now, quit rolling your eyes!).

This was back in the day when you had to go to a store to rent movies. Rainman was probably around 10 yrs old. Now, Rainman is very good looking (stop it, he is!), and at a glance he doesn't appear disabled but it only takes a minute or two so see that he clearly is. Anyhoo - Rainman and I were standing in a long line to rent our movies. Standing next to us were two girls about 16 or so. I swear to God- every fourth word they said was "retarded". If the line had been short and moving fast it would have been different but after I had heard "retarded" for the twentieth time I got a little ticked off - and I'm not one of those s people who get my panties in a bunch over being politically correct - but seriously? So - I said something to the young ladies.

The girls were very embarrassed. Seems as is usually the case with insensitive clods - they had no awareness beyond a foot of their bubble. Honestly, I don't know if Rainman was hearing them talk - or frankly - if he even understood the word "retarded". But I did. And yea, it had really started to bother me and it hurt.

Call me old fashioned or even unrealistic- but I think in a civilized society everyone needs to take some responsibility- when out it public - to ensure we are not infringing of the rights- and feelings of others. It's just the polite and civilized thing to do.
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Countrymouse, I'm not talking about making the mom a prisoner in her home. The writer didn't say whether the mom lives independently or with one of her children anyway. But if we are assuming the mother has some form of dementia, and the daughter or son is being placed in the position of being the responsible adult, then it is perfectly fine for them to draw the line at taking her to venues where she is going to get agitated and insult people.

There is a difference between someone behaving inappropriately (e.g. calling attention to one's self, making too much conversation, etc.) and then being mean or hurtful. In the first case, people nearby can just suck it up and be uncomfortable for a second or too. But insulting someone's appearance is offensive. You never know what kind of day someone's having, first of all. And if you are a decent person, it hurts to see others hurt. I don't see why the daughter or son should have to take their mother out "for fun" just to end up feeling awful and ruining someone else's evening as well.
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I can clearly remember when I was a young teen, reading a letter to "Dear Abby". The letter was complaining about their evening out to a nice - expensive - restaurant. Seems at the table near by was seated a person in a wheelchair, severely disabled, barely able to feed themselves- making a huge mess of it - and making guttural noises as they ate. The person writing was horrified at the sight, said their whole nice evening out was ruined - and asked why, oh why, would anyone like that be taken to a fancy restaurant? Didn't the handicapped persons companions realize they were ruining it for everyone else?

I remember thinking "what kind of a-hole would think that way?" As fate would have it, I had spent two summers as a jr. counselor at a camp for the disabled and for several years already had been assisting in the disabled room at church. So it wasn't like I didn't get it - the idea and image of what the letter writer was saying. But still- I was terribly incensed.

Then I had my own disabled son. There are places I don't take him for his sake - so people won't stare at him. There are other places I don't take him because, yeah - now as an adult I realize there just are places that are not appropriate for my baby - and besides, he has as much fun and enjoys his meal just as much at Sizzler as he would at Ruths Chris. Truth be told - I get ticked when people bring their small, misbehaving children to Ruth's Chris when I'm there!

I've also brought Rainman up to realize - it doesn't matter where we are - McDonald's, the mall, the grocery store, - that he starts to misbehave we will be leaving immediately to go home. And I will say with all modesty aside - my Rainman is an angel in public.

So my point? Not every places is appropriate for every body. Sometimes you need to show some consideration for others around you - and sometimes it's for the person you're with. But if someone can not behave in public - others shouldn't be made to suffer for it.
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devestatedinco, what makes you think the alcohol is responsible for this behavior?

And Boeremeisie1, why did you mention the amount she drank? Does this behavior only happen when she drinks?
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