My Mom cannot afford assisted living. What do I do?

Get senior social services involved immediately. They'll have many good ideas and can possibly place her. I certainly couldn't take care of my mom if I worked. And I'd NEVER quit a job to care for her. I'm an only, by the way. Love my mom to pieces. But I would not sacrifice my life for her. And she wouldn't want me to.

Chicago is a very expensive area to live. There's an assisted living facility 8 miles from me that starts at about $1,500 a month for 3 meals. Maybe you need to start making calls. The average Social Security check is $1200. If she has savings, she can make up the difference.

Look to see if there are "board & care" homes in your area. They cost significantly less than AL. It is small scale congregate living within a home and can work for those who just are too OK for AL but need more of a system than IL would do. Most are about 6 - 10 residents with 2 -3 staff.

Also google your state's Medicaid program to see if there are any Medicaid diversion programs that will pay for AL. Now finding an AL who will take her will be the harder part in all this as most will have just a couple of beds that are diversion and they get filled from a waiting list based on current private pay residents.

Both wonderful suggestions from caregivers who know.
Thanks everyone,
Carol

I would look to see if there is any subsidized housing for seniors in your area. This would be cheaper since they go by your income. I was going to do this with my mother because she is on a very limited income, but she needed a lot of help that they didn't offer so she is in an AL. It is very expensive but they do take care of her well. However she only has enough money for 2 years there. If your mother is pretty independent than she would probably do okay in a small efficiency or apartment, and you could hire someone to come in a couple times a week to help cook, do laundry, housekeeping whatever. It would be a lot cheaper than an AL.

Hello, my name is Holly B. I live In Elizabethton, TN. Your best and most inexpensive option would be to find an in-home caregiver. This is actually better, because your mother would be happier in her own home, and all of her needs would be met without you having to worry about her safety while you are at work. God bless!

In home care would be your next option. It is expensive. The cheapest I was able to find was $12 and hour. Depending on how many hours a day you would need someone. If you live with her then you need a break even if it is work. Find someone to come in for those hours you are at work. Do NOT deprived yourself of your life then you too will go down hill, then you will need someone to take care of both of you. Not sure which state you live in, but some states are starting to pay for assisted living or at least some of it. My state hasn't yet, but I am working on getting this done. Even if someone came in for a few hours each day to make sure she had breakfast and lunch and some company. Good luck and best wishes.

senior social services ...how do you find senior social services ?? Which one (s) ?? If she has dementia try the free advice from Alzheimer's Association councelors

in your post you say primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia. so call 24/7 Helpline: 1.800.272.3900

Try contacting your local state home care agency. They can provide support services . The fee is sliding scale based upon her income. She can either stay in her own home or apply for a small apartment in a senior apartment. The rent is also based upon income(30%). Cheaper than AL and good for a person who just needs some assistance, not total care.

Is she the surviving spouse of Wartime era Vet?, does she have a Life Insurance policy any Kind) with a face value of $50,000 or more?

Hello, I would speak to a social worker for the elderly. Also when most seniors don't have enough income to pay for assisted living they have to apply for Medicaid. Then somehow the state picks up the bill for the amounts that the senior cannot afford. The admission person or social worker for the assisted living community should be able to help you with that or give you information. I went through that with my mom and we had to apply for Medicaid. A social worker helped us to get the forms and fill them out and he submitted them. I hope this helps you.

I contacted DADS and they put her on a waiting list for assisted living that is state funded or supplemented.

I'll come at this from a different perspective. You haven't indicated what you are doing for your mom that "requires" you living there. At times I have felt it was in my parents best interest if I was with them and doing things for them, yet learned they were capable of doing things themselves, even if it wasn't the way I would do them. I learned it was better to let them have their independence and "visit" to help with things they weren't able to do than be there all the time and start irritating each other from proximity overload. Why not take a break and go to work to confirm your suspicions, as otherwise your health will decline if you don't get a break. Also consider Adult Day Care programs, where she gets the supervision and social engagement and you can go back to work.

I know its very difficult I am in the same situation. I have had a lot of thought about keeping my mother with me. Many people have your same situation. Its poor planning on our parents part, its not an easy task, in there younger days they were raised with taking care of their parents so they assume a lot of times we will do it, or they will not live to see this day? The only thing that's feasible would be a visiting Angle or home care giver. Like the others say if your father was a vet there is a fund for assistant living? She can get financial aid assistants from medicade that's the only way you can get low income housing. If your mom is some what independent check out SHAG apartments? They are a step below assistant living. Other wise you have to be creative in how you are going to deal with this, and except the fact you and your mom need each other at this time. Cherish this time and don't let it get to you. With an in home care giver you can get a break. There are also day care centers at some Senior centers you can look into while you are at work. Good luck I really do feel for you.

If your mom or dad (her husband) was in the military (must be during a declared wartime) check with the VA - they provide assistance.

I had my mom go to a Senior day care in Savannah, GA. It's the Ruth Byck Senior Day Care. We told her she was a volunteer and this worked for 8 months

In home care is your best bet. Advertise in your local paper as opposed to online. The applicants are more plentiful and settle for less money. That's been my experience. Good luck to you

In my area we have the Jewish Home which will take you with what you have. So if she just has social security that's what they take. There is usually a waiting list but the sooner you do that the better. Also, you do not need to be Jewish to go there. They have an independent section, lots of activities, great food, they will make sure she takes her meds, beauty shop, etc.
also, you didn't mention your DAD but if he was in the service your Mom might be entitled to what's called Aid and Attendnance from the Veteran's administration. That's what saved me. Good luck and try to check all resources. The Alzheimer's Association is a very good resource. Also, I would suggest a support group with other caregivers. They will have lots of information because some will have gone through the same issues.

Contact your local Social/Human Services and begin the application process for Long Term Care/Meicaid. My mom was about 300.00 short a month and we got her on Long Term Care/Medicaid and everything is taken care of. You will need all the usual verifications - birthcert or passport/ID and proof of income. If she has money in a savings and checking over 2000.00 you will have to do a medicaid "spend down". You can not have any resources over 2000.00 in any given month after approval. The rules vary by state for resources and owning a home. Best wishes on your journey!

what is dads

My mother-in-law was at my place most of her last year; we had a very nice lady who came in during the day when we were at work, who made sure Grandma had her lunch and her meds and kept an eye on her. Social Security paid for part of it; we had to pay her an additional amount but it was manageable. Grandma really liked the caregiver, and she was very sorry when she had to be moved to a higher level of care for her last few weeks.

If your Mom can not afford assisted living on her income or savings, does she own a home ? We used my Mother's home to support her assisted living in her home. She received premium care and never left her home.

If you opt for in-home caregivers, try Care.com as they have independent caregivers who are less per hour than the regular homecare agencies who average $18 - 20 and hour. My Dad couldn't afford that rate so we found him some independent caregivers at around $ 10 - $12 an hour. Wishing you the best.

We currently have in-home health care and it is far more expensive than Assisted Living. And it is not 24-hour care with a Nurse on duty. We are in Ohio. In-home care, a private individual, may work but there are definite advantages and disadvantages to this decision.

Keep her at home, consult her doctor regarding some anti-anxiety meds, take a job and get yourself out of the house before you have a nervous breakdown. Perhaps each of you get on each other's nerves before her dementia, and now it is exacerbated with dementia. Take some time to discuss your options calmly and without a lot of drama and see what suggestions SHE might have. If you are desperate, sell the house if you can get any money from it, but I would strongly suggest you try to live in the house together as her condition will only deteriorate and she will need you to help her. Best wishes!

Your mother or father can remain in their home and have several professional nurses to help them if you use their home properly. Rent part of the home and it will pay for the nursing regardless of the cost. We did that for my mother with two full-time professional nurses and had money left over.

Renting part of the home is an interesting idea but may not always be an option. My Dad's home was reversed mortgaged by my Mom (now deceased) and there is no more money left to get out of it. It is very small (950 sq ft) with one bathroom and no privacy for whomever would stay there. He's ok for now with 6 - 8 hrs a day caregivers (paid for by VA money). But as he deteriorates he will be in same boat as the questioner. I live states away and will most likely then need to quit my jobs, leave my husband/home and stay with him for the duration.

Many church run assisted living centers are less expensive and are based on income.Search in your area for the various denominations and assisted living. Home care would be less expensive, but often hard to find someone to stay at night.

Everyone keeps mentioning Medicaid. She said her mother needs assisted living. Medicaid only pays for Skilled Nursing Care. You have to be diagnosed as needed SNC by a doctor and there are strict requirements.

Check and see if your town has a PACE program. It's excellent for seniors wanting to live at home. If she is over income, they will work it out and she has to pay a small portion depending on her income. If she has dementia, they won't take her. Check the income limits for Medicaid in your state and get a social worker through agency for the agency for the aging for some social work assistance in getting her placed.