I also have a MIL that can not keep her hands to herself in a flirting way. She pats bellies, rumps, backs with giggly comments like, "How far along are you? Haven't missed many meals have you? and my all time favorite It's a wonder you fit in the stall." All the while calling them sweetie and honey. Oh, did I say she has gained 60 lbs from lack of exercise and consumption of sweets and ice cream. With family, it was mostly ignored. When complete strangers became involved, embarrassing moments became the norm. After a while we stopped apologizing and let her fend for herself. She thinks she is funny and no amount of explaining of bad behavior computes. Looking in a mirror comments go ignored. Nose goes in the air, head turns with a vocal humph. So far no one has flattened her out, but time will tell. Flirting is a memory trip back to their younger days trying to hold on. Most are harmless some not so much. Good luck to all. At least interaction is not boring to say the least.
That's kind of amusing that your MIL does that - the same lady I mentioned earlier that seemed to have no filter on her mouth was in the NH with dad..and dad was a very large man. She walked up to him one day and said, "You're FAT!" - just out of the blue. Dad looked at her and replied, "I may be FAT, but you're UGLY - I can go on a diet - what are you going to do??"
My dad gets touchy with young women. He likes to put his hand around their waist or on their backs much to our embarrassment. Like a dirty ol man. We often don't know what to say and try to pull him away gently. he thinks he should talk to any stranger, especially young women. Its often irritating.
God help us all with the crap you have to endure with dementia! We can build giant telescopes that see across the universe and send space craft to other planets but we cannot do anything for people losing their minds.
My mom flirts with my partner of 13 years. She always asks him if he has a wife. She tells him he would look much better if he shaved off his beard. He's also bald and she tells him he needs a hat. He keeps a cap next to him at the table and takes off and puts it back on at her requests. She asks everyone who visits if they are married. One holiday dinner, mom kept winking at my youngest son. He was sort of creeped out but took it in stride. Flirting is harmless and if it makes them feel happy, it's a good thing! We don't have too many things that can do that.
Mil with vascular dementia cornered male aides at nursing home, they perfected the "side step, keep moving." When she then added all visiting males, there were complaints. When she then attempted to . . . my husband (her son) in front of me, I banned any sitting or standing closer than 2 feet with her. He was so embarrassed. She had always had married boyfriends before the dementia, so whatever her life was before, was worse after. Told nursing home to do whatever they needed to do, to protect other residents. After 4 years, no one would even hardly be in the same room with her.
CatRudy, that is so sad! In most cases, the person with dementia feels much younger and does what comes naturally because there are no inhibitions.
I've heard from more than one young couple where the daughter-in-law, once close to her FIL, has to stay back and only visit when the son is there. This is because the elder doesn't understand that this woman is his son's wife. She's simply an attractive young woman and since he, in his brain, is an attractive young man, he flirts.
The flirting does feel "icky" and disconcerting to say the least. When the behavior goes beyond flirting the problems can become immense as CatRudy said. This is where there's a place for gender specific homes, though not many people have that choice.
Take care, all of you. It's just plain awful some days - coping with this all of the time. Carol
While in rehab my mother commented on one of the other patients eying her as he walked by her room. I've never heard my mother comment on men being interested in her. My father died a few years ago. I had a good chuckle when she said maybe she should see if he has any money! I told her to go sit herself out in the common area with a vacant chair next to her and entice him over for a chat. We both had a good chuckle. It honestly was good to see her sense of humor coming through.
That's kind of amusing that your MIL does that - the same lady I mentioned earlier that seemed to have no filter on her mouth was in the NH with dad..and dad was a very large man. She walked up to him one day and said, "You're FAT!" - just out of the blue. Dad looked at her and replied, "I may be FAT, but you're UGLY - I can go on a diet - what are you going to do??"
:-)
giant telescopes that see across the universe and send space craft to other planets but we cannot do anything for people losing their minds.
I've heard from more than one young couple where the daughter-in-law, once close to her FIL, has to stay back and only visit when the son is there. This is because the elder doesn't understand that this woman is his son's wife. She's simply an attractive young woman and since he, in his brain, is an attractive young man, he flirts.
The flirting does feel "icky" and disconcerting to say the least. When the behavior goes beyond flirting the problems can become immense as CatRudy said. This is where there's a place for gender specific homes, though not many people have that choice.
Take care, all of you. It's just plain awful some days - coping with this all of the time.
Carol