I show her that we are right across the hall from her, but she doesn't care, she wants someone in her bed. I explain that I can't, I sleep with my husband (I'm afraid to start something that I won't be able to stop by sleeping with her). Mom has dementia and gets in these "states" where she just won't listen and is telling wild tales. Later she calms down but this discussion can last for a couple of hours and it's getting more frequent. Used to be once a week maybe now almost every night. Last night after I told her she could not crawl into bed with us, there wasn't room she asked to put a cot in our bedroom. Not sure how to handle this. Any suggestions appreciated.
Thank you.
The ideas of a pet, a big pillow (perhaps wrapped in a flannel shirt), and a large stuffed animal all make sense to me.
I'd also consider either an infant baby doll, or a toddler sized doll for her. Baby dolls have been shown to be very calming for dementia patients. She might enjoy a bedtime routine of putting the baby to bed beside her, then going to sleep herself. Perhaps add music (lullabies might be in line with the routine) or some sound she decides would comfort the child.
Stick to a routine of helping her sleep in her own bed, using the suggestions mentioned in above posts as well.
Its a phase that will pass.
Best wishes.🙏
I will say Mum absolutely loves the cats sleeping on her bed. One cat is a senior so they have a special bond. Mum will ask where he is when going to bed and prep the bed for him. His also a real chill cat that is like a carer cat ;) his always purring and comforting. Some days I have played those relaxation apps. Mum particularly likes the rainforest and birds chirping sound. Just not rain as she’s sick of the rain atm with all her heart. It’s been raining here for real so much.
I don't know how it would be, but if you have a medium size dog, would a real one help? I have no idea if it would work or not, perhaps someone else on the forum has tried it. Mom, Spot is going to stay here tonight to protect you.
I don't know how it would be, but if you have a medium size dog, would a real one help? I have no idea if it would work or not, perhaps someone else on the forum has tried it. Mom, Spot is going to stay here tonight to protect you.
My Grandpa is the same way
I have found Dr Bach Rescue Remedy ( applied where you apply perfume. Ie wrists & behind ears
Also a few drops in all drinks throughout the day have really helped with the irrational fears and sleep problems
avail on Amazon, EBay & all big supermarkets etc. been around 80 years. All natural. No side or after effects
Additionally a tea of chamomile )4 bags to a mug) served with honey
or Catnip tea help give a deep relaxed aleep
if he is still upset & restless I pull the sheets out at the bottom of the bed and massage his feet with a little warm olive oil with a few added drops of essential Lavender oil
look up the reflex points for head & neck on a chart on google & pay special attention to reflex points there
He slides off to sleep while I massage Then I put on some big clean comfy cotton Sox
Majority now he sleeps until the morning
Just yesterday mentioned. “I’m sleeping really well”
it’s a lot of work initially
However he’s stopped asking if he will die in the night. And if I will sleep with him
with deep sleep he’s a much easier & more happy camper also
Let us know how you get on :)
I went through the same with my mother as her dementia deepened.
She would not stay in her bed and wanted to sleep with me. After a few sleepless nights trying to get her to sleep in her bed, she started sleeping in my bed. I was single at that time.
However, I was working full time and needed my rest. I really resented this, I was a single woman in her 40's sleeping in the same bed with her mother. I wondered how did my life get to this point? I realized I had to get over it and deal with what was at hand.
On the other hand, my mom seemed to morph back to a frightened girl at times.
Sleeping with me calmed her down and made her feel safe. What was happening to her was frightening enough. That was MY job to keep her safe as a her caregiver. She did the same for me as a mother.
I also knew that this could not go on for her or me. What I did was:
1. Got her ready for bed in her room.
2.Had soft music or calm tv playing. Old movies or PBS was great for this.
3. Got her in bed and made sure she was comfortable.
4. Had a soft light on and kept it on so she would not wake up in the dark.
5. Sat next to her. Sometimes I would read to her and she'd drift off. Sometimes I'd sit next to her watching tv and she would drift off. Or we would listen to music.
6. Kept the bathroom light on so if she went to the bathroom, she could see.
Once she was in a deep sleep, I'd go to my bed. A few times, she would get up
come to my door, look in but would go back to her room and sleep the rest of the night. I was afraid that she would fall downstairs trying to get downstairs but that never happened.
This behavior did not last long but was one of the behaviors exhibited after her dementia deepened. After a while, I got a hospital bed and she slept downstairs.
I sat with her a while, then she would drift off and I would go upstairs. The doors would be locked(she did not remember how to unlock) and I left the light on in the living room. By then, she was wearing Depends.
That worked for us until she was placed.
Perhaps this behavior will not last long with your mother. My mother's behaviors came and went. I disagree with some of the "tough love" answers. You will have to figure out what will work best for your mother. Try some of the softer approaches (body pillow, soft toys, sitting with her, etc...) while trying get your rest.
Good luck.
love is the most powerful force in the universe
People don’t remember what we say, they remember how they “felt”
after being in our company
Im sure, despite her mental decline, your Mothers memories of your kindness caring & understanding remain crystal clear in her mind and heart
Bless you
it isnt easy. one of the hardest things of caregiving
When my son went through this stage (age 2), I found that talking about it in the morning when everyone was rested and cheerful did a lot more good than arguing about it at night when everyone was tired and upset. Since your mom has dementia, it might take a LOT of talking when everyone is rested and cheerful.
Definitely try the nightlight, lovie, soft music options.
My mom had trouble interpreting what she saw, and shadows turned into bugs on the wall, while lights from outside looked like faces in the window so we would leave the room lights on and close the blinds.
If you suspect anxiety, talk to her doctor about medicine.
Do you need to set up a baby monitor so you can hear if she needs you during the night?
When my mom got to the point that she could not roll over in bed by herself or transfer from bed to wheelchair, and was incontinent, I arranged to get a hospital bed in her room to make her care easier. I moved her queen size bed into the guest bedroom and the twin bed from the guest bedroom went into her room. Without any discussion, or any request from my mom, I and one of her aides started sleeping in her room when we were on duty. The other aide was a deeper sleeper, and, to avoid going to sleep, had already been sitting in a chair in my mom's room while my mom slept. We did this to comfort ourselves, and to make sure we would hear if my mom needed anything. This lasted until my mom died about six weeks later.