My father refused to consider moving to a smaller home or apartment. As his health declined he stopped maintaining the house or doing any repairs. The result was that after he died the home was in such poor repair that it would have taken all of their savings to make the house livable and safe. Mom wanted to stay but and monthly expenses exceeded her income let alone pay for repairs.
She was fretting herself sick about it and was driving my sibs and I away with constant requests for us to come over and do something about the chimney, the lights, the leak in the basement, etc. We joked about it but we’re all reluctant to visit because all we did was fix things, never really got to sit and visit. And if you did all you got was a list of problems and complaints about the house.
I would get phone calls in the middle of the night about raccoons in the chimney. Nothing I could do about it because no company would cap the chimney because it was leaning and needed $$$$ worth of repairs. We are all in our 60s and feeling it so doing the repairs ourselves was not always an option.
A health crisis at age 92 and a stay in rehab (and 6 weeks staying with me) finally convinced Mom it was time to sell the house and move to Assisted Living. The sale money will be plenty to pay her costs there for several years. And it will be cheaper than paying for the same in home help aids. Plus, the aids and nurses at AL are screened and supervised and much more reliable than the services we hired to help out when Dad was ill.
Sure, we could have remortgage the house and made the repairs but what if she outlives her money? Her brother is 99 and sister 95!
It took about 6 months for her to get adjusted, and she still wishes she could be back at the house, but is happy to have someone else do the cleaning, washing, and cooking. I don’t have to worry about her taking her meds correctly or forgetting to turn the stove off. She has help taking a shower and has a call button for emergencies. She can be as social or anti-social as she wants with the other residents and has become the star of the beach ball volley ball game.
She still calls asking for things, or complains about small issues. But now I can ask the AL direction to take care of most of that and sit and really visit with her instead of being the errand girl.
This has been a long post but I’m almost done. It can be a hard adjustment making such a big change in old age, losing everything that is familiar, neighbors, grocery store, even the senior transport driver was familiar. But this has been much easier for all concerned. My sibs and I are in our 60s and beginning to have our own physical problems. We discusses having her live with one of us but she didn’t want that, she always told me she didn’t want us to have to take care of her that way.
Good for your mom saying no to her children being her caregiver.
She is obviously a loving mom and knew that taking care of a senior citizen with health issues is a very difficult task that is better left to professionals.
We let my mom who had all her mental faculties make this decision. We went in and did as much safety analysis as we could. Motion detectors, first alert she wouldn’t wear. She lived on a second floor too! It was her life and she lived it how she wanted. Most important to anyone is their dignity and independence.
How can you save a person from herself? You cannot. A person can only be 'taken care of' if they're willing to BE taken care of. The guilt card serves no useful purpose, methinks.
If it's really not good, then take her to see her PCP, who can refer her to geriatrics. It was my 86-year-old FIL's geriatrics doctor who was able to convince him that he needed our help.
Is there some reason a paid housekeeper can't be employed for maybe one day a week or so? Your opinion is clear "it's not good" ... is there a living will and who is the POA? I'm presuming the burial circumstances are all worked out as well. Is there a designated medical POA?
My Italian grandmother lived alone in her apartment in New York until she died at the age of 96. She had a little wire push cart and used it to buy fresh groceries daily, and cooked her own meals too. She was lucid and capable as possible for a woman nearly 100 years old. Her 2 sons lived nearby and would check on her periodically. They did not feel it necessary to intervene and have her put into a nursing home for her own safety. She wound up living life on HER terms and becoming a burden to nobody. Of course, she didn't suffer from dementia so that wasn't an issue that would have absolutely prevented her from living alone. But she did have lots of health issues and surgeries, but never let any of it deter her. She was a tough old broad!
My mother-in-law is the same way. She is 89 and lives alone in a house that is way too big for her. She wants to stay, and there is nothing we can do. She also refuses to wear any kind of alert device, and is very secretive about her health. She probably wouldn't tell us if she developed a serious illness.
We live about 4 hours away from her, but at least her neighbors kind of look out for her and have our phone numbers. We have noticed that her house is not nearly as clean as it used to be, but so far it hasn't seemed to affect her health. We hate staying there. All of our things smell like mildew when we get home. On the bright side, she did get rid of the 90-pound (well, maybe not that big) racoon that was living in her attic.
Find out if she'll accept aides coming in for a few hours a day to help her do the heavy lifting, shopping, etc. Make the apartment age-friendly so that she can do as much as possible. Get her a life-alert necklace so that she can just push a button if she needs help.
No one knows your LO like you do,so I'm sure you wouldn't leave her home alone if it wasn't safe to do so.When my 84 yr old dad had a stroke fours years ago.My first thought was for him to come stay with me,but I knew how much his independence means to him.
He drags his left foot and has no mobility in his left hand,but he remains in his apartment of 20 years with assistance.
He has a aide five days a week,a nurse twice a month,meals on wheels,neighbors who check on him,and myself.His bathroom and living space was modified for him.
He does quite well on his own even with restrictions and as long as it's safe for my dad to live alone.He shall.
I don't understand "she doesn't do anything she is supposed to". She is doing everything wrong? All I can say is unplug the oven/stove. Some people are just fine alone. If she's in good mental health then I'd just get an emergency necklace in case of a fall & maybe put some wireless cameras in so you know she's ok & call frequently.
I can answer this based on my own experience. Your mother is lucky - she has family. I have no one - all dead. I am alone and my kitty can't help me. I became disabled eleven years ago to the point where I could no longer walk. When I realized I could not stay in my three story home which is where I wanted to be with my beloved animals until I passed, I literally "died". I had no choice but to go to assisted living and I hate it. I am l00% mentally alert, extremely involved in all kinds of things - two jobs; 6 years of college courses; take care of all of my own affairs; drive and eat out alone; have many hobbies and my kitty - and I would go insane if I did not have these things in my life. No one here, hardly, is mentally "with it" and it is so lonely. I'd sell my soul to the devil to be at home - alone and scared, yes - but it was my home. My advice is this - let the poor soul be where she wants to be and is happy. At 96, things can happen - in her home or somewhere else - just a fact of life. Don't interfere. Help as much as you can and what will be will be - but leave her in peace. Don't take that away from her.
So she is sharp, mentally? This may be a minority opinion, but so here it is: Think of what you would want yourself. Don't you want the right to make your own decisions, decide your course, be respected? You haven't shared much in detail, but I would strike a deal...she stays put but with supports to help her remain independent...a safety alert button, a knox box, an automatic medication dispenser...and even then...if she chooses not to take her meds, if she is mentally capable, isn't that her choice?
One person's 96 is not everybody's 96. Some might say it has to do with her ability to take care of herself. Is she a hazard to herself or others? Does she have a way to call for help if needed and how far away is that help?. Each individual is different.
No, if it is not safe. If you are her caregiver it is your responsibility she is safe. She could burn down the house with her in it, wander off and get heat stroke, or not be found. If she lives in an apartment, she could burn down other peoples homes too. Certainly not fair to them.
You might even be found culpable knowing she wasnt safe and did nothing to protect her from herself.
You could get aids to come in and help keep an eye on her. Family usually strips the house down to bare necessities so there is nothing worth taking, but its still livable and comfortable. She is still in her own home but has caretakers who monitor, help with meals etc. It is cheaper than a nursing home. 10k a month, not counting med costs, doctors etc.
She might say she hates it, but then enjoys the company. You can even pay them to spend the night in case of falls. Good luck.
From your profile, these issues are red flags: alzheimer's/dementia anxiety hearing loss heart disease vision problems
The most concerning are the alz/dementia - her ability to make good decisions and remember things, as well as the progression leading to potential wandering, safety issues, etc would be enough for me to decide mom cannot stay alone. Our mother is just about to turn 96, but has been in MC for 3.5 years now. She had progressive short term memory loss, couldn't manage finances, couldn't really cook anymore, hearing loss (had to get neighbor and/or PD there when she wasn't answering the phone!), vision issues, sometimes wouldn't take BP meds even though we got a locked timed dispenser with alarm and although we tried bringing in help, after a few months she refused to let them in. It (dementia) will only get worse with time, until some disaster happens. I wouldn't want that on my plate and also had concerns about being charged for neglect if we did nothing! Note - after 9 months she had forgotten the condo, focused on previous home and now asks for her mother and father, long gone!
In her own mind, our mom still insisted she was fine, independent, could cook and care for herself. Microwaving a frozen dinner and eating boxed crap is not cooking. There's just too many issues to list here, I just knew this was not going to work. She also wanted no part of moving, whether in with one of us or AL (although AL HAD been in her plans prior to dementia!) She also, after a few months, refused to let the aides in that we hired to check on her/meds (only 1 hour/day!), so that ended the plan to let her remain in her condo.
Dementia lies to the person as well as to you. Insisting she is fine isn't enough. I was afraid of something happening to our mother with no oversight - she was not really capable (although happy to just sit around reading the same paper/magazines over and over, clipping coupons etc.) and I didn't want that on my conscience. EC attorney said we could not force her to move (despite already having DPOA/MPOA - these allow you access to financial and medical information and to make decisions regarding them, but do not give you power to make someone move.) Mom was refusing to move and we had to come up with a plan to make it happen. She managed to injure her leg and develop cellulitis just before the planned move - one brother used this to draw up a phony letter from 'Elder Services' at the hospital that examined/treated the wound (it would likely have killed her if it wasn't treated in time!) telling her she moves to a place we choose or they would choose. She reluctantly went.
Although in an ideal world, we could live a long and happy life in our homes, even alone, but it isn't an ideal world. If at all possible, can someone move in/stay with your mom for a period of time and observe? It would help you make decisions for her if you can see what she does/doesn't do. We also used some cameras, partly to keep tabs on who came to the door and what the aides were doing, but a little bit for observing her and her behavior(s) - they did get a bit squirrely (some nighttime OCD/sundowning slowly building up to 1 or 1.5 hours a night, wearing the same clothes over and over, up to SIX days, which is NOT normal for her, etc!) Combined with the knowledge that she wasn't eating proper foods and knowing she was getting worse made the decision for me! She was also slowly self-isolating (used to go to Senior Center with others with bells on all the time, but was making excuses not to go, canceling - or at least thinking she was - appointments, etc.)
One last note - an alert device is only as good as one's ability to wear/use it. One brother set up a flashing light to alert her to phone calls - on one visit I found it unplugged. Not much use if the can't/won't use it, and dementia WILL get in the way of using these tools!
Not enough information. If she doesn't have dementia it is really not your choice. If she does, she should likely, at this age, be in care. I am sure she is hoping to pass at home. If she is not checked daily by someone she should have a device she can activate if she falls, and as that tired old commercial used to say, can't get up. Wishing you luck. Whatever happens, you do know she doesn't want to leave her home. So please know you are doing the best you can with decisions.
I would encourage her to receive some assistance including a device that detects falls. The way that I would present this discussion would be something like, "In order to preserve your independence, it is time to give up just a little of it. These little interventions are worth your freedom."
None of us do what we're supposed to do...lol...but can live alone. Is there a problem? Like forgets to turn off a cooking pot, can't remember things, etc? If her mind is still sharp and she's getting around good, then she is probably ok.
For your own sense of well being, would she allow someone to come in to help with cleaning or prep meals for her? Maybe a neighbor or friend who could be paid to do XX things every day. Maybe a couple of hours. Or just an hour, but would put eyes on her each day. Would she wear an alert? If so, check out the 5star alerts sold at walmart - you can track her online anywhere she goes. The button is answered right away if pushed - just in case she fell down - to get help.
Does a neighbor or someone very close have a key to get in? You can program the alert to call several people in very close proximity so they can get the door opened before emergency people come. Prevents having to break door or window and leaving a house unsecure if she had to leave.
The camera is a good idea. Maybe a couple of them in the house so you could peek in on her from time to time. Someone should be checking on her each day just to avoid a fall where she lays in the floor for extended period.
An anecdotal response. My grandmother is very independent and very stubborn. She lived alone in her three story house until age 98, and refused to wear any type of safety notification device. Her mind was very sharp and nobody dared argue with her. Her three children each lived a minimum of two hours away. Very, very luckily my parents were in town last March and found her lying on her kitchen floor. She’d either had a heart attack and fallen or vice versa. She has been in a nursing home and very unhappy ever since. I think do everything you can to let your mom do what she wants. If it shortens her life at all, at this point it is more about quality than longevity. Just my two cents. Best wishes.
She needs to be evaluated and helped. I agree that she needs a fall/emergency necklace, but she has to agree to, and remember, to wear it. If your finances allow, a good camera monitoring system will help whenever she is alone, though you may need to "fabricate" the reason for it. Can she or you afford regular in-home visits? Does anyone have a Power of Attorney? I can certainly understand your concern.
Depends on her status mental as well as physical. Assess - has she changed in recent years? Can she see to her personal needs? How does she get to Doctor? go for groceries? etc. With some in home help - housekeeping, etc. - can she continue to live alone. At 97 my Mom finally decided she should not be living alone - out in the country - driving - taking care of a 6 acre front yard (still able to do it, but not best idea). I gave her choice - either I would put someone in house with her or she could move cross-country and live with me (house handicapped equipped due to husband who had passed). She choose to make the move to live with me. She just passed at 103 - almost 104. I am so glad she chose to come here. no problems until last 6 months and was able to get help in as soon as it was needed. (Where she was help was hard to find). She got to enjoy her flowers (which I had over the years transplanted here), and time with me and my pets. Most important - it was her choice which route to go But I gave but the 2 choices - there with help OR here with me and help when/if needed.
Dollyme.... I've just prayed for your poor, old mom in NC. My heart is broken over her situation, and I wish I could step in and at least give her a bit of company. 😥. I'm in the white mountains of Arizona....so kind of far away. She could easily develop a UTI, it could spread, and she could pass, and no one would even find her body until it was half decomposed....this happened a few years back....I was staying temporarily in a senior apt area, poor, sick woman of 63, died, leaving 2 birds and her dog there....poor pets were there with her body just 3 days, but 1 bird died, and poor dog was half starved and so grateful when maintainence man opened the door, letting her dog out....all very terrible. But, just those 3 days, and the woman's body had started decomposing....bad smell, etc. These things happen! So, it's why I'll continue praying for your dear mother....she needs someone there to look after her, and at least keep her company. May the Lord be with all of you, and give to you His peace. 🌺🕊🌺
I wish my 83 year old mom was able to live alone - I know she'd be happier. If your mom is still self sufficient, that's a reason to celebrate. I don't blame you for worrying though - especially if you don't live nearby. I think I'd discuss with her doctor. Does he/she feel Mom is competent enough to drive, cook, bathe, clean house without help? If not, you could hire someone to come in at least part time to assist with those things and get her a call device for times when she is alone. They get pretty stubborn and set in their ways, so approach the subject gently, but definitely do approach it, if nothing else, for your own peace of mind.
My dad lives alone at 95, he has minimal help and has just qualified for in-home care with the VA since he is not able to drive. He is strong willed, determined and knows exactly what he wants. My inclination was to let him live as he wanted to live out his final years. My sister had a different perspective and at one time, tried to pursue legal action to declare him incompetent. It was ugly and devastating and pulled our family apart. We were not very close to begin with but now we are not on speaking terms. Whenever possible, I would say to try to avoid the legal route and just talk to your mom.
I would agree that it sounds like your dad would be fine with having help come in. OP's profile lists too many questionable issues for allowing her mother to stay at home alone, in particular dementia, but combined with some of the other issues, this is a recipe for disaster! Sorry about this impacting your family relationship.
Everything is dependent upon her capability to care for herself. It is not often that I work with someone of her age, that prevailing medical, physical and cognitive challenges do not present safety issues in relation to independence pertaining to her care. Does your mother handle all her ADL’s without assistance or incidents. Is she able to maintain her medication management without oversight or missed dosages. Have their been falls or moments of diminished mental clarity. Is her “Safety Awareness” intact. Too many times Seniors want to remain alone for varied reasons but the one take away from independence is “Isolation”. As a society we look upon incarceration as the ultimate penalty against our freedom, yet for those incarcerated, the ultimate penalty is isolation. Self imposed isolation seems contrary to reasoning in a rational manner, so having a discussion, even if uncomfortable for you or her should occur. Knowing the reasons why alienating the outside world is her preference, will help you form better communication and responses to her desires.
No you should not. Either have her screened for a facility, move in to live with her, or hire outside help to come to her. If it's not safe, she shouldn't be alone.
Has she become a danger to herself or others? If not, then let her live alone if this is what she chooses.
It's not the age that should determine living alone, it's her condition mentally and physically. Is she a "falling risk?"
You haven't given much information - what is it that "she doesn't do anything she is supposed to?" If you're referring to eating habits, I don't know many people who eat properly regardless of age. And at 96, she should be allowed to eat whatever she wants; most doctors are now realizing and understanding that. Also, most at 96 are taken off any medications not needed for survival.
She was fretting herself sick about it and was driving my sibs and I away with constant requests for us to come over and do something about the chimney, the lights, the leak in the basement, etc. We joked about it but we’re all reluctant to visit because all we did was fix things, never really got to sit and visit. And if you did all you got was a list of problems and complaints about the house.
I would get phone calls in the middle of the night about raccoons in the chimney. Nothing I could do about it because no company would cap the chimney because it was leaning and needed $$$$ worth of repairs. We are all in our 60s and feeling it so doing the repairs ourselves was not always an option.
A health crisis at age 92 and a stay in rehab (and 6 weeks staying with me) finally convinced Mom it was time to sell the house and move to Assisted Living. The sale money will be plenty to pay her costs there for several years. And it will be cheaper than paying for the same in home help aids. Plus, the aids and nurses at AL are screened and supervised and much more reliable than the services we hired to help out when Dad was ill.
Sure, we could have remortgage the house and made the repairs but what if she outlives her money? Her brother is 99 and sister 95!
It took about 6 months for her to get adjusted, and she still wishes she could be back at the house, but is happy to have someone else do the cleaning, washing, and cooking. I don’t have to worry about her taking her meds correctly or forgetting to turn the stove off. She has help taking a shower and has a call button for emergencies. She can be as social or anti-social as she wants with the other residents and has become the star of the beach ball volley ball game.
She still calls asking for things, or complains about small issues. But now I can ask the AL direction to take care of most of that and sit and really visit with her instead of being the errand girl.
This has been a long post but I’m almost done. It can be a hard adjustment making such a big change in old age, losing everything that is familiar, neighbors, grocery store, even the senior transport driver was familiar. But this has been much easier for all concerned. My sibs and I are in our 60s and beginning to have our own physical problems. We discusses having her live with one of us but she didn’t want that, she always told me she didn’t want us to have to take care of her that way.
She is obviously a loving mom and knew that taking care of a senior citizen with health issues is a very difficult task that is better left to professionals.
If it's really not good, then take her to see her PCP, who can refer her to geriatrics. It was my 86-year-old FIL's geriatrics doctor who was able to convince him that he needed our help.
We live about 4 hours away from her, but at least her neighbors kind of look out for her and have our phone numbers. We have noticed that her house is not nearly as clean as it used to be, but so far it hasn't seemed to affect her health. We hate staying there. All of our things smell like mildew when we get home. On the bright side, she did get rid of the 90-pound (well, maybe not that big) racoon that was living in her attic.
Not expensive yet very effective.
He drags his left foot and has no mobility in his left hand,but he remains in his apartment of 20 years with assistance.
He has a aide five days a week,a nurse twice a month,meals on wheels,neighbors who check on him,and myself.His bathroom and living space was modified for him.
He does quite well on his own even with restrictions and as long as it's safe for my dad to live alone.He shall.
She could burn down the house with her in it, wander off and get heat stroke, or not be found. If she lives in an apartment, she could burn down other peoples homes too. Certainly not fair to them.
You might even be found culpable knowing she wasnt safe and did nothing to protect her from herself.
You could get aids to come in and help keep an eye on her. Family usually strips the house down to bare necessities so there is nothing worth taking, but its still livable and comfortable.
She is still in her own home but has caretakers who monitor, help with meals etc. It is cheaper than a nursing home. 10k a month, not counting med costs, doctors etc.
She might say she hates it, but then enjoys the company. You can even pay them to spend the night in case of falls. Good luck.
alzheimer's/dementia
anxiety
hearing loss
heart disease
vision problems
The most concerning are the alz/dementia - her ability to make good decisions and remember things, as well as the progression leading to potential wandering, safety issues, etc would be enough for me to decide mom cannot stay alone. Our mother is just about to turn 96, but has been in MC for 3.5 years now. She had progressive short term memory loss, couldn't manage finances, couldn't really cook anymore, hearing loss (had to get neighbor and/or PD there when she wasn't answering the phone!), vision issues, sometimes wouldn't take BP meds even though we got a locked timed dispenser with alarm and although we tried bringing in help, after a few months she refused to let them in. It (dementia) will only get worse with time, until some disaster happens. I wouldn't want that on my plate and also had concerns about being charged for neglect if we did nothing! Note - after 9 months she had forgotten the condo, focused on previous home and now asks for her mother and father, long gone!
In her own mind, our mom still insisted she was fine, independent, could cook and care for herself. Microwaving a frozen dinner and eating boxed crap is not cooking. There's just too many issues to list here, I just knew this was not going to work. She also wanted no part of moving, whether in with one of us or AL (although AL HAD been in her plans prior to dementia!) She also, after a few months, refused to let the aides in that we hired to check on her/meds (only 1 hour/day!), so that ended the plan to let her remain in her condo.
Dementia lies to the person as well as to you. Insisting she is fine isn't enough. I was afraid of something happening to our mother with no oversight - she was not really capable (although happy to just sit around reading the same paper/magazines over and over, clipping coupons etc.) and I didn't want that on my conscience. EC attorney said we could not force her to move (despite already having DPOA/MPOA - these allow you access to financial and medical information and to make decisions regarding them, but do not give you power to make someone move.) Mom was refusing to move and we had to come up with a plan to make it happen. She managed to injure her leg and develop cellulitis just before the planned move - one brother used this to draw up a phony letter from 'Elder Services' at the hospital that examined/treated the wound (it would likely have killed her if it wasn't treated in time!) telling her she moves to a place we choose or they would choose. She reluctantly went.
Although in an ideal world, we could live a long and happy life in our homes, even alone, but it isn't an ideal world. If at all possible, can someone move in/stay with your mom for a period of time and observe? It would help you make decisions for her if you can see what she does/doesn't do. We also used some cameras, partly to keep tabs on who came to the door and what the aides were doing, but a little bit for observing her and her behavior(s) - they did get a bit squirrely (some nighttime OCD/sundowning slowly building up to 1 or 1.5 hours a night, wearing the same clothes over and over, up to SIX days, which is NOT normal for her, etc!) Combined with the knowledge that she wasn't eating proper foods and knowing she was getting worse made the decision for me! She was also slowly self-isolating (used to go to Senior Center with others with bells on all the time, but was making excuses not to go, canceling - or at least thinking she was - appointments, etc.)
One last note - an alert device is only as good as one's ability to wear/use it. One brother set up a flashing light to alert her to phone calls - on one visit I found it unplugged. Not much use if the can't/won't use it, and dementia WILL get in the way of using these tools!
For your own sense of well being, would she allow someone to come in to help with cleaning or prep meals for her? Maybe a neighbor or friend who could be paid to do XX things every day. Maybe a couple of hours. Or just an hour, but would put eyes on her each day. Would she wear an alert? If so, check out the 5star alerts sold at walmart - you can track her online anywhere she goes. The button is answered right away if pushed - just in case she fell down - to get help.
Does a neighbor or someone very close have a key to get in? You can program the alert to call several people in very close proximity so they can get the door opened before emergency people come. Prevents having to break door or window and leaving a house unsecure if she had to leave.
The camera is a good idea. Maybe a couple of them in the house so you could peek in on her from time to time. Someone should be checking on her each day just to avoid a fall where she lays in the floor for extended period.
I've just prayed for your poor, old mom in NC. My heart is broken over her situation, and I wish I could step in and at least give her a bit of company. 😥.
I'm in the white mountains of Arizona....so kind of far away.
She could easily develop a UTI, it could spread, and she could pass, and no one would even find her body until it was half decomposed....this happened a few years back....I was staying temporarily in a senior apt area, poor, sick woman of 63, died, leaving 2 birds and her dog there....poor pets were there with her body just 3 days, but 1 bird died, and poor dog was half starved and so grateful when maintainence man opened the door, letting her dog out....all very terrible.
But, just those 3 days, and the woman's body had started decomposing....bad smell, etc.
These things happen! So, it's why I'll continue praying for your dear mother....she needs someone there to look after her, and at least keep her company.
May the Lord be with all of you, and give to you His peace. 🌺🕊🌺
Does your mother handle all her ADL’s without assistance or incidents. Is she able to maintain her medication management without oversight or missed dosages. Have their been falls or moments of diminished mental clarity.
Is her “Safety Awareness” intact.
Too many times Seniors want to remain alone for varied reasons but the one take away from independence is “Isolation”.
As a society we look upon incarceration as the ultimate penalty against our freedom, yet for those incarcerated, the ultimate penalty is isolation.
Self imposed isolation seems contrary to reasoning in a rational manner, so having a discussion, even if uncomfortable for you or her should occur. Knowing the reasons why alienating the outside world is her preference, will help you form better communication and responses to her desires.
It's not the age that should determine living alone, it's her condition mentally and physically. Is she a "falling risk?"
You haven't given much information - what is it that "she doesn't do anything she is supposed to?" If you're referring to eating habits, I don't know many people who eat properly regardless of age. And at 96, she should be allowed to eat whatever she wants; most doctors are now realizing and understanding that. Also, most at 96 are taken off any medications not needed for survival.