Is it strange that I'm afraid of my 90 yr old mother? What should I do to manage this?

Fortuatly I had a good relationship with my Mother and Father...they would never play the guilt trip games that our relative does with her children my cousins..strange that this behavior surfaces whether its schizophrenia,or possessives...…….but its really pathetic how people are able to create a victim personality to manipulate their children...and then just snap out of it and be charming..or I call it lying...or I call it super salespeople..dominance submission
its a game are they insane or needy or controlling???she my,aunt is super needy and has acted out also underlying alcoholic...she has produced preety successful
children one being a Priest......they have developed this dysfunctional way of
communicating...…...which ironically has produced super salespeople...…..
everybody has secrets in their family...….if you are rude,bullying to your children
it will come back to bite you.
communicating but I do not think as they have their mother in a assisted living
now ……….she continues to run the show...….so don't take abuse......
communicating whilst trying to appear Christian...…….

I think that if you use her money to see a therapist - you could get in trouble. You'd have to consult with an attorney for that one.

While I hate to suggest this - stop visiting your mother if it causes you this much grief. The people in charge can still reach you by telephone so really, they cannot insist you visit.

I'm really sorry you had this terrible a childhood. Home is supposed to be a safe haven where you are protected by your parents, not abused by them.

As someone else has already said (sorry I can't find your post again), If you are in the USA and Medicaid maybe needed in the future, you cannot use your mother's funds to pay for your therapy, without it impacting the look back period. It could also be you can't feed yourself with her money. You can use her money to find a Eldercare Attorney to advise you. Be careful about the 5 year look back period. Try to get out and make new friends. If you can't get work right away, still get out of the house. volunteer, go to a senior center. If you don't have money for gas, try some place close by your house or take a bus. I don't think anyone has used the old airplane instructions. When the oxygen comes down, you put it on yourself first, then others. I am so happy that you are really listening to all the people on this site that are giving you good advice. Just, please, remember the 5 year look back period.

As others say, stop visiting your mom. I am on anti psychotic medication to be able to tolerate seeing my folks. My father was a violent man. And he still expects for me to show "genuine" kindness to him? I was sexually assaulted by a stranger repeatedly when I was only 12 or 13 years old. When I finally got the guts to tell my folks what happened, they did nothing to help me. N o t h I n g. They told me to just to forget about it and think of something ' brighter' . So now, I have to be on anti psychotic meds to be able to handle myself to see them once in a great while. Don't you think that there is something wrong with this picture? Don't be like me, please.

I am so sorry about the way your mother treated you and how it affected you - even now. The best advice I can give you, and this is based on my life's experiences and a hard, sad life, is STAY AWAY FROM YOUR MOTHER. You have her in assisted living where people are trained to care for people like her. What earthly reason do YOU feel you have to visit your mother? She was no mother to you and she certainly is not now. You owe her nothing. She may have given birth to you but apparently she was mean and did not nurture you. She is in a safe place. Don't go to see her. Instead try to get involved in things that make you happy and feel safe and maybe seek some new friends. You would be surprised how you will heal when you stay away. She will destroy you. And check with local churches and medical facilities - some have support groups that you can join, often for free. Good luck and be strong.

If your name is on the accounts, it is half yours legally. If you are power of attorney on your mom's accounts, you can only use it for her.
I agree with visits in a common area and limited to monthly or whatever you feel. You could call and ask how she is also. So sorry for you having this painful situation.

Contact your local ASAP ( Aging Service Access Point) and see what their Caregiver Program has to offer you.

My mom is in her 70's and I'm still afraid for her. She only hit me a few times but I ALWAYS tried to avoid conflict. I know in same cases (maybe yours) that does not matter. She will still threaten me if I stand up for myself too much. She can't stand anyone disagreeing with her. I don't really understand what the power of attorney give you authority over....but if its not out of bounds to use the money for that purpose....I would! I'm in therapy and I need it. I have decent insurance to help pay for it. I would talk with your therapist about that situation.

Hi, you might want to look into EFT. There are a ton of free trainings online. This self help therapy has helped millions of people. Its non-invasive and helps reduce stress immediately with most people. Stress is the root of most physical and emotional pain. I have taught over 900 people how to benefit from it and have seen life changing improvements personally. All the best!

Get a therapist. Who cares what money you use, just go for your own peace of mind. She caused it, let her pay, just go. I know what it feels like and I know how it messes with your head. Go clear your head.

I do not care who or what the abusive person is in relation to you. If anyone, regardless of their reasons for doing it, abuses you - YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO OBLIGATION TO THEM WHATSOEVER. You may think you do because it is a mother or whatever but you do NOT. Walk away and do not look back. No one deserves that from another living soul. Your mother made her bed long before so now let her lie in it. YOU go on and take care of yourself and find things and people and situations that make YOU happy and have peace and then get involved with the good things in life. You deserve a happier life. And as to a therapist, check with the social service department in the local hospital or even the church. There are often ways that you can obtain therapy for greatly reduced or no fees. Go for it and give it a try. Good luck.