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I missed Christmas day with my grand daughter last year because my two sisters would not have dad for the day and now the same is happening this year they wont have mum so i can spend the day with my 4 year old and 6 month old grand children I cared for my dad up until he died this year and now i am caring for mum my two sisters dont help and i cant take anymore when they come to visit mum they say i am not keeping the house clean they criticize me on every think my partner is living 320 miles away because they dont want him living in the house with me and mum They goad me into losing my temper I am trapped because if i move they will put mum in a home and she does not want that .

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Here's my suggestion: STOP TAKING S___ FROM YOUR SISTERS AND LETTING THEM RUN YOUR LIFE!

Bring your partner back too. No reason why Cinderella should live in a love-less convent. I'm sure your Mom would be ecstatic to have him around too.

You're not a servant, and you're certainly no one's doormat. So stop behaving like one.
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Rainmom, Countrymouse:

Thanks for understanding. Wringles' post reminded me of when my sisters would drop by on Sundays to gossip with Mom all day long. "This house is a barn" (I was a single father with twin boys on self-destruct mode); "Do you know what a mop is?"; "You should marry one of those guacamole women to cook, clean, and watch your kids. Yeah, one of those that never leaves the house."

Bunch of overfed, trifling troglodites! They'd leave the fridge barren, a pile of dishes, and use up all the toilet paper. In the evening a large pizza with extra cheese and three toppings. Those bloated buffaloes didn't even offer me or the kids a slice. Since I was the "host" I had to pay for everything. "Next Sunday," they said, "we're going to bring fried chicken, potato salad, soda, etc." Seven days later a knock on the door. Only thing they brought -- as usual -- was their mouth. Tried to negotiate, but that didn't work. So I had a psycho moment that scared them s__tless.

"Sundays you're going to pick her up at 10 and bring her back exactly at 10. ... Mother's Day will be at your house(s). Holiday weekends she's all yours. If you don't pick her up I'll drop her off at your doorstep. Is that understood?" In unison, they all screamed "Yes sir!" (I'm a Marine, so I guess that was their way of feebly trying to get back at me.)

To my mother, "Forget about the guacamole b__ch they told me to get. Housecleaning is going to be your responsibility from now on. ... It's about time you started pulling your own weight. Is that clear?" She nodded. "Sorry, I didn't hear you." Whimpering, she said "Esta bien, esta bien. ... Dios mio, que pasa con este muchacho?" I said "I dropped my cojones (b__s) the day you moved in. ... Just found them."
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Sorry, I don't know what possessed me. But I can't take it back. I just get so frustrated when I hear about lazy, inconsiderate sibs who don't do squat to help and walk around giving orders like the world owes them a living.
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What I don't get is why you are allowing yourself to be bullied by your sisters. You're not allowed to live with your partner? They don't help but feel free to criticize while you give up your life caring for both your parents... why do you pay attention to anything they have to say?
I think it is time to pretend you are an only child and act accordingly, make arrangements for caregivers for your mum so you can have time off. It may be too late for christmas, but make it your new year's resolution to be more assertive about your needs.
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It sounds like there are two issues here.
1. Wanting to spend Christmas with your grandchildren
2. Feeling resentful that mom's care falls to you.

1. Arrange for your sisters to spend Christmas eve or Dec 26th to with mom. Start a new family tradition of that being your special day with your grandkids.

2. Start looking around for good facilities for mom. "They don't want" and "mom doesn't want"? Slavery was abolished a long time ago. Your mother needs care. Not necessarily your hands on care. You've done your share.
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Who's in charge? If you have the authority to run the household, then set up the schedule for Christmas the way you think is fair. Bring the grandkids to your house with your mum for Christmas day. If that's not possible, then arrange for care for your mum for the day so you can visit with your grandkids. Have a Christmas celebration with mum the day before Christmas. You can open gifts, have nice meal, etc.

Is there a facility or family where she can stay for the day so you can visit with your grandkids? Explain that you are alternating years of celebrating with your mom on Christmas day and Christmas Eve. If siblings want to help, great. If not, then let them keep quiet.

Is mom aware of what is going on?
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I'm a Grandmother too, and I do understand your wants, but I am just happy to have and to see my Grandies any day on or around Christmas day. The kids don't really care about the specific day, they just want One special day with you! Try to find a common ground, and set aside a day where you all can enjoy each other! Our kids are very busy working, going this way and that way, trying to please all of their Grandparents, so we just go with the flow, and it always seems to work out! Your Grandchildren know that you Love them. Just make it special. That's all that matters!
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Arrange for a caregiver whatever day you want to be with your grandchildren. Holidays are a higher fee as caregivers want to be with their families too. If you do not make the change now, it will not happen the way you want next year either. The caregiving charge should be paid by mom. Does she have the resources? If not tell sissies they will have to split the cost.

I went through what you are and until YOU change it nothing will happen. Next year maybe mom should be in a community, then you will not have to deal with it at all. My mom was moved earlier this year. My sissies wanted to have mom to their homes for holidays. I would not let that happen as my mom's confusion then agitation increased when in their homes with many more people than she was accustomed to. Sissies thought I was trying to control mom and them. They found out differently this year when facility did not want mom to go out because of behavior issues that are a major part of her life.
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I loved it, too; but it caught me at a time when I too am having to retrain myself about interacting with siblings, so I know it's not that simple (I know you know that, Eddie, I'm not having a go at you).

I'm trying to teach myself that overbearing/domineering/bullying siblings are only paper tigers - what, really, can they do? Who made them your boss? The trouble is, when it comes to confrontation on specific issues or in real-life situations, those paper tigers are still genuinely scary. And getting over the life-long habit of giving in to their expectations is very hard, very stressful work.

But, Wringles, if you want anything to change, you have to start somewhere. Please say a little more about how your situation came to be?
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Eddie - I was sorry to see you be sorry for your original post - I loved it!
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