For many people with dementia routine and sameness are important. Doing something different like traveling can be upsetting and a setback. This largely depends on how far she is into the progression, but if symptoms are severe I wouldn’t do it
Thank you. She is pretty far along. She just went into the bathroom and I was 2 mins behind and she peed on the floor. All cleaned up but I’m s9 worried what the travel will do to her. I agree but her son is set on it. I will speak to him again.
Oh gosh, don't go. Tell him he had a nice thought, but given the circumstances, it just wouldn't work out. Listen to the folks here who have been and done. I can tell you from my own experience that traveling to see loved ones can work up to a point, especially if done by car, and the dementia sufferer still has some concept of who people are, and semi-recognizes them. Earlier stages. But after that, you're asking for trouble.
Once they get to the point that just doing the daily routine (which they DO need) becomes more of a struggle, and they no longer recognize or know people, just the extra disorientation of the disruption in routine alone can be a powder keg- add to that the possibility that the people that want you to come visit really don't get it, and will end up MORE upset by the visit. If forced to travel, Please forget planes and trains with someone with incontinence issues and advanced dementia, not a good combo. Good luck reasoning with the son. It sounds like he really doesn't get it, non-custodial folks often (usually!) don't.
Not really.Not with severe dementia. However, with severe dementia it also may not hurt anything. A good thing for the son to discuss with the doctor, or leave it to the son's opinion, since likely he knows his Mom and her condition best.
I've yet to see a son who knows his mom's condition best, especially when it comes to dementia. Sorry to say. So many of them are SO deeply in denial that their mom's even HAVE dementia!!!!!
This woman's son, who's set on having his mom go visit her house & old friends, likely has NO IDEA what dementia is all about, as most people are clueless on the subject. He's thinking with HIS clear head about a situation that's anything BUT clear headed, but instead muddled by disease & riddled with confusion. And, of course, YOU will be the caregiver who has to deal with all the fallout that results from this ill advised visit. Like when she urinates on the floor of her old friend's bathroom.........how much fun will that be for all concerned? Or if she's sitting in a soiled Depends on the friend's velvet couch and leaves a stain on the cushion? Things the son won't ever think of but that YOU have a good handle on. Or how about when she goes to see her old house & refuses to leave, and/or starts crying? What then?
Things that make ya go 'hmmmmmm'.
How long is the trip back to visit her house & friends? Will there be a bathroom stop involved or is she wearing Depends? Do you have calming medication on hand to dole out if it becomes necessary? If not, and if the son insists on this trip, I'd call her PCP for a script for low dose Xanax or Ativan to have available if she has a meltdown or two along the way.
Here is a link from the Alzheimer's website about tips for traveling with a dementia patient:
Well a trip from SW NJ to the Ocala area is 15 hours and that is with an overnight stay and gas fill ups. Tate of Md is a b _ _ _ h to find even a gas station right off an exit. Then there's Rt 95, always some kind of hold up. If she is incontinent, I don't want to be in that car trying to find a place to clean her up. A plane? Forget that altogether. Taking her thru security and the wait. The plane itself will be overwhelming and trying to toilet her? Six months makes a big difference in a Dementia patient. I would not do it. She will not know her friends and its cruel to take her back to a home she can't stay permanently at. That is a long drive in itself let alone having to care for someone suffering from Dementia. I did that drive on an average if 1x a year for 20 yrs to visit in-laws. No way would I do it having to stop all the time for someone. She neither will like the trip or will she appreciate it.
To further my thought in one of the replies regarding the GOAL of this trip..
I'd also gently ask if this is a mere WISH... from the son or lady herself.
If she: how many people desire to "go home". This is more an emotional need that a car trip.
What they mean is *go back in time* to that feeling of home, family home, friendships, love.
Even if old friends can be rallied around - would she recognise them? Be able to connect in a meaningful way now? Or left in confusion.
Or if the son has the wish: Why? Does he think it will bring her happiness? Closure?
He's done the hero ride in to save Mom from old age/dementia. He may not have stepped off that horse into reality yet. The reality that dementia is progressive. That round the clock supervision & care is eventually required (if people don't succumb to other health issues first). That one son cannot stop or cure it.
There was a poster last year who's DH was stuck in a thought wish to take his elderly Mom, (with heart, mobility, Vas Dementia issues) back to the 'one horse town' she grew up in.
It became this mantra he had. This wish to give his Mom this wonderful thing - to show he loved her. Only it would not have been wonderful for her.
He had to accept he needed a different way to show Mom he loved her.
Denying the severity of dementia gives the care pgivers false hopes and contributes to making people feel guilty for not having done enough to improve their dementia.
If she has dementia she will not recognize her former house or her friends. What happens when the daily routine of a person with dementia is disrupted is they get agitated and upset. This usually leads to serious setbacks for them which will make your job as a caregiver harder. You want to take her all the way to Florida? Bad idea. Please don't do it.
Once they get to the point that just doing the daily routine (which they DO need) becomes more of a struggle, and they no longer recognize or know people, just the extra disorientation of the disruption in routine alone can be a powder keg- add to that the possibility that the people that want you to come visit really don't get it, and will end up MORE upset by the visit. If forced to travel, Please forget planes and trains with someone with incontinence issues and advanced dementia, not a good combo. Good luck reasoning with the son. It sounds like he really doesn't get it, non-custodial folks often (usually!) don't.
Things that make ya go 'hmmmmmm'.
How long is the trip back to visit her house & friends? Will there be a bathroom stop involved or is she wearing Depends? Do you have calming medication on hand to dole out if it becomes necessary? If not, and if the son insists on this trip, I'd call her PCP for a script for low dose Xanax or Ativan to have available if she has a meltdown or two along the way.
Here is a link from the Alzheimer's website about tips for traveling with a dementia patient:
https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/safety/traveling
Wishing you the best of luck!
I'd also gently ask if this is a mere WISH... from the son or lady herself.
If she: how many people desire to "go home". This is more an emotional need that a car trip.
What they mean is *go back in time* to that feeling of home, family home, friendships, love.
Even if old friends can be rallied around - would she recognise them? Be able to connect in a meaningful way now? Or left in confusion.
Or if the son has the wish: Why? Does he think it will bring her happiness? Closure?
He's done the hero ride in to save Mom from old age/dementia. He may not have stepped off that horse into reality yet. The reality that dementia is progressive. That round the clock supervision & care is eventually required (if people don't succumb to other health issues first). That one son cannot stop or cure it.
There was a poster last year who's DH was stuck in a thought wish to take his elderly Mom, (with heart, mobility, Vas Dementia issues) back to the 'one horse town' she grew up in.
It became this mantra he had. This wish to give his Mom this wonderful thing - to show he loved her. Only it would not have been wonderful for her.
He had to accept he needed a different way to show Mom he loved her.
Anyway.. thoughts??
What happens when the daily routine of a person with dementia is disrupted is they get agitated and upset. This usually leads to serious setbacks for them which will make your job as a caregiver harder. You want to take her all the way to Florida? Bad idea. Please don't do it.