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I am caring for 74-year-old lady with severe dementia. Her son moved her from Florida to NJ approximately 6 months ago to care for her.

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For many people with dementia routine and sameness are important. Doing something different like traveling can be upsetting and a setback. This largely depends on how far she is into the progression, but if symptoms are severe I wouldn’t do it
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Bad idea. She needs routine.
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Not really.Not with severe dementia. However, with severe dementia it also may not hurt anything. A good thing for the son to discuss with the doctor, or leave it to the son's opinion, since likely he knows his Mom and her condition best.
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lealonnie1 Mar 2022
I've yet to see a son who knows his mom's condition best, especially when it comes to dementia. Sorry to say. So many of them are SO deeply in denial that their mom's even HAVE dementia!!!!!
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This woman's son, who's set on having his mom go visit her house & old friends, likely has NO IDEA what dementia is all about, as most people are clueless on the subject. He's thinking with HIS clear head about a situation that's anything BUT clear headed, but instead muddled by disease & riddled with confusion. And, of course, YOU will be the caregiver who has to deal with all the fallout that results from this ill advised visit. Like when she urinates on the floor of her old friend's bathroom.........how much fun will that be for all concerned? Or if she's sitting in a soiled Depends on the friend's velvet couch and leaves a stain on the cushion? Things the son won't ever think of but that YOU have a good handle on. Or how about when she goes to see her old house & refuses to leave, and/or starts crying? What then?

Things that make ya go 'hmmmmmm'.

How long is the trip back to visit her house & friends? Will there be a bathroom stop involved or is she wearing Depends? Do you have calming medication on hand to dole out if it becomes necessary? If not, and if the son insists on this trip, I'd call her PCP for a script for low dose Xanax or Ativan to have available if she has a meltdown or two along the way.

Here is a link from the Alzheimer's website about tips for traveling with a dementia patient:

https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/safety/traveling

Wishing you the best of luck!
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Well a trip from SW NJ to the Ocala area is 15 hours and that is with an overnight stay and gas fill ups. Tate of Md is a b _ _ _ h to find even a gas station right off an exit. Then there's Rt 95, always some kind of hold up. If she is incontinent, I don't want to be in that car trying to find a place to clean her up. A plane? Forget that altogether. Taking her thru security and the wait. The plane itself will be overwhelming and trying to toilet her? Six months makes a big difference in a Dementia patient. I would not do it. She will not know her friends and its cruel to take her back to a home she can't stay permanently at. That is a long drive in itself let alone having to care for someone suffering from Dementia. I did that drive on an average if 1x a year for 20 yrs to visit in-laws. No way would I do it having to stop all the time for someone. She neither will like the trip or will she appreciate it.
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It won't change anything. Dementia kills the brain and the rest of the body later. It's is an incurable disease, a death sentence.
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Gershun Mar 2022
Wow, such a positive uplifting answer. Thx
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No no no no no no no no. A thousand times NO!
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To further my thought in one of the replies regarding the GOAL of this trip..

I'd also gently ask if this is a mere WISH... from the son or lady herself.

If she: how many people desire to "go home". This is more an emotional need that a car trip.

What they mean is *go back in time* to that feeling of home, family home, friendships, love.

Even if old friends can be rallied around - would she recognise them? Be able to connect in a meaningful way now? Or left in confusion.

Or if the son has the wish: Why? Does he think it will bring her happiness? Closure?

He's done the hero ride in to save Mom from old age/dementia. He may not have stepped off that horse into reality yet. The reality that dementia is progressive. That round the clock supervision & care is eventually required (if people don't succumb to other health issues first). That one son cannot stop or cure it.

There was a poster last year who's DH was stuck in a thought wish to take his elderly Mom, (with heart, mobility, Vas Dementia issues) back to the 'one horse town' she grew up in.

It became this mantra he had. This wish to give his Mom this wonderful thing - to show he loved her. Only it would not have been wonderful for her.

He had to accept he needed a different way to show Mom he loved her.

Anyway.. thoughts??
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Denying the severity of dementia gives the care pgivers false hopes and contributes to making people feel guilty for not having done enough to improve their dementia.
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My poor Aunt got more confused when we just drove her by her old house, did not recognize it. She was 91.
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