I am really sick of talking about this and dealing with my parents and compassionately lying to my dad who has Alzheimer's. They constantly criticize me, even though they wanted me to be POA. I don't want to be the responsible one anymore. I just want to get in my car and drive away. I think it would feel so good to go away.
No, seriously, sounds like you either have or you're on the way to burnout. This is serious. It will affect your thinking and your health. You have to find a way to get out and enjoy yourself. Think of something you love doing and DO IT. If it means calling a friend or family member to give you time out, do it. Truth is, removing yourself from the environment (if only one day a week) is imperative. What makes you laugh? Do it. God bless you - you are obviously a loving and caring person, but we all have our limits. If you don't take time for yourself, next thing you know you'll become resentful and angry. I'm talking to both of us. You are loved and people do care.
She now has a PT person coming twice a week...as far as I am concerned, that's her activity and socialization. No more once a week, draining dinners...it's not worth the drive as I always left on high alert filled with anxiety. She is a very mean, nasty woman...and her verbal abuse has significantly increased.
I am in the process of looking into assisted living. If that doesn't work, then she can pay for in home care.
Once I know that she is completely taken care of one way or another, I am relocating to a place far enough away...and will continue to live the rest of my life. This all sounds horrible...but at the same time, I've put up with this woman's nastiness all of my life (I am her only child and I just turned 61) and I am done.
I'll bring munchies.
Hang in there - we're all with you.
I got through it, albeit with some depression and anger issues after my Mom died, by taking it one day at a time, sometimes one morning or afternoon at a time. I try to do little things for myself as they add up. I think of it as the "bank of me" and even a good cup of coffee and watching birds for a few minutes go into that small "me bank". It helps to keep me going.
"Helpful" hints like soak in a bubble bath or walk in the park don't cut it when your total existence revolves consciously or subconsciously around the needs of someone else - for literally years! These gems of advice are usually given by people who have no idea what it's like to have the responsibilities we have for another human who often has very limited mental -not to metion physical and possibly financial - capabilities.
Everyone has their end goal. Mine is to emerge healthy and not bitter. I don't feel noble or good for doing this. I feel stuck holding the bag with no end in sight. So, for me, it is day to day and praying I am not old and gray by the time it all ends. We'll just see how it goes.
Bless you all.
@Orlando I’m dealing with my passive aggressive, hoarder, narcissistic mother. Everyone thinks she’s just such a sweet old thing. I think the only reason I haven’t had a heart attack or stroke yet is Xanax.
@Anniepeepie Pick me up on the way to the cruise ship please.
I’ve been a lurker here for quite some time. Honestly, just reading how many people are going through the same thing and feeling like this helps tremendously.
See All Answers