I am now 67 but and had to quit working earlier than I wanted to and move from Texas back to Indiana to move in with my mother who is bedridden. My sister who lives close by just retired last year and only helps me out when I needed some surgery or Dr visit. She will come once a week to help with a full bath. I only get to see my grandchildren on their birthdays and Christmas. I need more help. My sister who lives in Alabama does come up a few times a year to give me a week break, but how do I get my sister who lives close to help out more? I am at my breaking point.
Place your mother in care. Sell her house to pay for it. When she has used up that money and whatever assets she has, apply for Medicaid for her. She'll have trained professional caregivers around the clock instead of one exhausted daughter.
You can then go back to work if you want to or need to, Or you can enjoy your retirement. You can give your grandchildren time and attention, and be a happy and special presence in their lives, and they in yours. You can have a nice relationship with your sisters, rather than resenting them. And you can visit your mother as a daughter, rather than as a frantic and overstressed caregiver.
You deserve peace in your life. Make the changes necessary to achieve it. Let us know how it goes.
Out of all the dumb decisions I've made in my life, I regret this one the most. I miss my work life. I was making a good salary and had benefits. My parents expressed no appreciation for what I did and seemed to have this sense of entitlement about my sacrifices, both financial and emotional. I never received one thank you for all that I did.
I tell everyone who writes on this forum even considering leaving a job not to do it.
I am 76 and I will tell you, life is short. Time just flies by. We really don't know what tomorrow will bring. A girl who was raised next door to me just passed at 55. She was found in her apartment.
Your Mom has had her life. Time to continue yours. Place her and become her daughter again and not her caregiver.
How was it decided that you got to be the one with the ruined life in shambles? You drew the short stick? Or were you groomed from the start to be the caretaker?
In other words, you didn’t have to do anything. You CHOSE to do this.
Is it too late to get yourself job back?
It was your decision to give up your life, rather than to place her in a facility.
Might be time to rethink your decision, sell her house use it to pay for a facility, spend down so she can then get Medicaid for a nursing home, she is bedridden, it is time to make some difficult decisions for all involved.
It sounds like you have been a full-time caregiver for about 3 years and who knows how much longer your mom will live and how much more frail she will become. Meanwhile, you have had health challenges yourself and are missing out on what you want to do. You could end up passing before she does!
You write “I need more help” but the truth is SHE needs a lot more help which she can get from professionals.
Then you can get your own life back. If your sisters or anyone else argues this point, ask them to try a three-year shift themselves.
Time to place Mom in SNF care . Sell her house to use that money to pay for her care until she’s eligible for Medicaid.
Get your own life back too.
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