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I am now 67 but and had to quit working earlier than I wanted to and move from Texas back to Indiana to move in with my mother who is bedridden. My sister who lives close by just retired last year and only helps me out when I needed some surgery or Dr visit. She will come once a week to help with a full bath. I only get to see my grandchildren on their birthdays and Christmas. I need more help.  My sister who lives in Alabama does come up a few times a year to give me a week break, but how do I get my sister who lives close to help out more? I am at my breaking point.

You didn't have to quit your job and move in with your mother; you chose to. And now you can choose not to. Your sisters are not obligated to make the same choices you do.

Place your mother in care. Sell her house to pay for it. When she has used up that money and whatever assets she has, apply for Medicaid for her. She'll have trained professional caregivers around the clock instead of one exhausted daughter.

You can then go back to work if you want to or need to, Or you can enjoy your retirement. You can give your grandchildren time and attention, and be a happy and special presence in their lives, and they in yours. You can have a nice relationship with your sisters, rather than resenting them. And you can visit your mother as a daughter, rather than as a frantic and overstressed caregiver.

You deserve peace in your life. Make the changes necessary to achieve it. Let us know how it goes.
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Sandra2424 Jan 25, 2026
Excellent post. It was your decision. Time to decide if you want to change it.
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I made the same mistake retiring from my job because I did not realize how long both my parents would live on. I retired in March 2021 and my mother died in June 2024 at 95. My father just turned 97 and is in a nursing home with some sort of dementia and will probably outlive me.

Out of all the dumb decisions I've made in my life, I regret this one the most. I miss my work life. I was making a good salary and had benefits. My parents expressed no appreciation for what I did and seemed to have this sense of entitlement about my sacrifices, both financial and emotional. I never received one thank you for all that I did.

I tell everyone who writes on this forum even considering leaving a job not to do it.
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Beethoven13 Jan 29, 2026
I needed to hear this, again, today. Thank you. I have a similar story. Dad died at 94 after 15 months on hospice and 24/7 paid caregivers with their money home care for 2.5 years. I know I’m very fortunate that they had the funds for this. I lived with them for 3 months and then moved into my own place about 10 minutes away. My health declined so fast worrying about him and her and managing the caregivers and everything else and my full time job. It was scary. Cancer scare. Mom is now 92 and at home with daily paid care. Not 24/7 but about 15 hours a day. She’s ambulatory with a cane, manages her ADLs with minimal assistance. Caregivers handle medication and housekeeping and meals. I moved from 2 states over and a very peaceful life in Arizona to my hometown. I have kept my job and benefits. My mother claims she doesn’t remember but she told me years ago that she I kept her job so she wasn’t expected to care for her parents. Mom retired with 45 years perfect attendance from a large telecommunications company. She then worked 10 more years part time. Her job was her identity and her freedom. Her parents were difficult and lived on a farm and were not easy. Her older sister got to care for them because she lived on the farm next door and they gave her some land. So many lessons to learn from this experience. Don’t quit your job is at the top of the list.
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As a person who was the only one to care for her mother, my siblings are men, I ended up placing my Mom. She did well at her Assisted Living and later LTC.
I am 76 and I will tell you, life is short. Time just flies by. We really don't know what tomorrow will bring. A girl who was raised next door to me just passed at 55. She was found in her apartment.

Your Mom has had her life. Time to continue yours. Place her and become her daughter again and not her caregiver.
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Well, you made a bad decision and now you have to figure out how to get yourself out of it.

How was it decided that you got to be the one with the ruined life in shambles? You drew the short stick? Or were you groomed from the start to be the caretaker?

In other words, you didn’t have to do anything. You CHOSE to do this.
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southernwave Jan 24, 2026
Hugs, it’s hard and you have the right to end this and find a better way.

Is it too late to get yourself job back?
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The decision to quit your job was a choice not a “had to” and your sisters are equally entitled to make their own decisions in being involved with caregiving. They’ve chosen their level of involvement, you have no choice but to accept their decisions as adults. Caring for a bed bound person often requires a team of caregivers as it’s too much for any one person, of course you’re at a breaking point. It’s time to find a new plan before your health is ruined, then you’ll certainly be no good for mom. Either use her funds to hire help in her home or she moves to where professional help is available. My mother became completely unable to do any physical movement, no way at all to care for her in home or it would have been done. She lived in a nursing home where she was a two person assist for every move, she went from private pay to Medicaid when her funds ran out, all in the same bed, with the same kind and competent care throughout. I’ve been in a very hard place with a beloved mother, I learned quickly that I was so far over my head, and had to accept a plan nobody wanted. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Your sister is helping as much as SHE wants to. She is happy to have you do the care. Please don't be the sacrificial caregiver. You have given up your job and your life. It is not too late to get them back. Get placement for mom now!
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Reply to Sandra2424
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You don't, the sisters do not have to do help in any way if they do not want to.
It was your decision to give up your life, rather than to place her in a facility.

Might be time to rethink your decision, sell her house use it to pay for a facility, spend down so she can then get Medicaid for a nursing home, she is bedridden, it is time to make some difficult decisions for all involved.
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Reply to MeDolly
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I agree with other replies.

It sounds like you have been a full-time caregiver for about 3 years and who knows how much longer your mom will live and how much more frail she will become. Meanwhile, you have had health challenges yourself and are missing out on what you want to do. You could end up passing before she does!

You write “I need more help” but the truth is SHE needs a lot more help which she can get from professionals.

Then you can get your own life back. If your sisters or anyone else argues this point, ask them to try a three-year shift themselves.
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Reply to Suzy23
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You can’t make the siblings do more .
Time to place Mom in SNF care . Sell her house to use that money to pay for her care until she’s eligible for Medicaid.
Get your own life back too.
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Reply to waytomisery
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So you made a choice (and no you were not forced into anything) and now you are unhappy with your choice, so you want your sister to make the same choice and be unhappy too? Do you see what you are asking? No matter how much your sister steps up to help, it will not change your burden because more 'needs' will pop up and take over any little free time you just acquired. It is a never ending pit of needs. Sell her house and use her money to fund assisted living. When she runs out of money you apply for Medicaid.
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