Follow
Share

My dad died 2 yrs ago. Have not heard anything from sibling or anything anout my dad's will. Sibling is in Canada.


I just got a certified letter saying I need to pay for dad's last year at nursing home. My sibling is POA for both parents.


I have no idea why this is coming to me. I was never privy to anything going on with my parents bills, other than to visit them. Or why it took 2yrs to send me a letter from a PA lawyer about a bill. Am I responsible? Im panicking here.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Who is the letter from? Is it a collection agency letter?

Have you called POA sibling and asked?
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Jasmina Aug 2019
No lawyer- who is acting like collection agency. Sis doesnt care. Told me file ch 13. Please read update.thank you for responding.
(0)
Report
First off, be careful, it could be a scam.

Copy and forward the letter to your brother.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Jasmina Aug 2019
It is legit. Please read updates. Thank you for replying.
(0)
Report
Jasmina, who is the Executor of your Dad's Will? That is the person to whom a copy of said letter should go to. Was your Dad living in the U.S.? If yes, I wonder if he was on Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Did Dad have a house?

So the letter came from an Attorney? Does the name on the letterhead sound familiar? I am also wondering if this is a scam. Whatever you do, do not call any of the telephone numbers on the letterhead as those numbers could belong to the scammer. You can check on the internet if there is such an Attorney. Sometimes the internet will say if others have received such letters from that person.

No, you are NOT responsible. If this does turn out to be a legit debt, the Estate is responsible.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Jasmina Aug 2019
Thank you. I called the lawyer. The paperwork looked legit. I got a secretary.She said he would call back. I left msg I wasnt executor.My sister is.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
Sounding like a scam to me. First of all, you are not responsible for your parent's nursing home bills unless you signed on to be. Secondly this letter should not be sent to you. I agree with the others. Copy and forward to your brother; let him know HE needs to proceed slowly and carefully as well. You need to run this past someone in the know. I know nothing about Canadian law and don't know if your parents are deceased in Canada or the USA, but suspect, just as with here, you do not owe money yourself on your parent's bills in Canada.
2 years is certainly time enough for an accounting on the will. In the USA a will that is probated is filed. If you are a beneficiary you have a right to a copy of the will. Ask your brother for a copy of the will, tell him that this triggered a kind of "need to know" moment for you.
Good luck. Don't panic. You don't owe your parents bills here unless Canada is VERY different from the USA. People always bring up this obscure never used law about children being liable, but I have NEVER heard of it being used. Hope we have some here to answer for that for sure.
The thing you REALLY need to know is that scammers are out there in just hoards. Be careful.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
worriedinCali Aug 2019
if this happened in PA, it’s NOT a scam. PA enforces filial laws and the OP mentions PA.
(3)
Report
See 4 more replies
I disagree with the others and that is because you say the letter is from a PA attorney. If your dad resides in PA then I am sorry to tell you that PA is one state that somewhat aggressively enforces filial laws so I would not ignore the letter and I would not chalk it up to a scam. Under PA filial law, you and your siblings may be financially responsible. I sincerely hope not but....it is very possible :(
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Jasmina Aug 2019
Thats what has me so scared. But the house should have been sold. She refused to sell it.
(0)
Report
I would send a letter to the law firm and inform them of who in the family is POA and or executor of the Will.
If payment has to be made then it should be split between all heirs.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
rovana Sep 2019
I'm curious if there is any will or executor, not just a lot of lies from sis, who figures she is safe because she is in Canada, not US.
(0)
Report
For me, I took reference for the "PA" as Professional Association, which some companies have at the end of the company name.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Jasmina Aug 2019
Hello no Im in Pa.-Pennsylvania.
(0)
Report
NO ONE is saying to ignore the letter.
NO ONE knows whether it is a scam or not.
It is perfectly common to issue a warning about a scam.

Of course Jasmina will be checking into whether it is a scam or not.
One does not do that by contacting the originator of the letter first, and giving them information!

Jasmina needs more facts and should contact the sibling right away.

There is no way anyone on this forum can determine if this is a scam or not.
Just because the letter comes from PA with aggressive filial laws does not prove it cannot be a scam. Poor logic if anyone really believes that.

Jasmina, we may need more information from you. Did your Dad reside in Canada or the U.S.? Is your brother visiting, or living in Canada? Are you able to call him up?

Is there a probate opened at a courthouse that you can obtain a record or status on your Dad's estate?

If your mother is living, where is she? Wouldn't she have responsibility for the NH? Or, if she is protected as a community spouse, and your brother is POA, why aren't they handling it?

So many questions, not enough information.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Jasmina Aug 2019
Please read us pdates. Thank you for your reply. Not a scam. Legit. Bill was being paid very slowly then stopped. So it hasnt been 2 yrs just a couple of months. That is what triggered the letter. I dont know why it didnt go to collections but a lawyer instead.
(0)
Report
Jasmina, several issues, some of which will hopefully offer some comfort.

1.   If you're concerned that the letter isn't legit, check this link:

https://www.martindale.com/search/attorneys-law-firms-articles/?term=debt collection, creditor's rights near Pennsylvania

and/or search online for "PA creditors' rights law firms", or "PA debt collection law firms."    If the firm isn't listed, you could call the PA State Bar directly and tell them you're trying to locate a firm (with that name) and need a contact number and address.  

Don't tell them you already have it; let them advise you if the firm is a PA law firm.  This will help determine if it is in fact a law firm or is a scam outfit.

2.   Was your father in fact in a nursing home for the last year of his life? If not, then definitely something's amiss!

3.     Do you know if your father had a Will?  Or a Trust?    If so, do you know if your brother was Executor/Personal Representative, or Trustee?

4.   Although your brother may have had POA authority, that would have ended on your father's death.    Then the Executor, etc. would take over management of your father's assets.

5.   I did some quick checking.   This law firm's site offers insight into PA laws, including the statute of limitation for filing claims, specifically, within one year after the first notice of death published as required by law.   

https://mcandrewslaw.com/publications-and-presentations/articles/paying-the-creditors-of-an-estate/

Your brother should address this issue, b/c if the claim is just being filed now, it may be that it hasn't been filed properly and/or the statute of limitations has run.   This is critical in determining the legitimacy, timely filing, and what's known as "perfection" of the lien. 

6.  The 4th paragraph of the URL above addresses a situation in which there are insufficient assets to pay creditors.  

It also may be that the estate had no funds and this law firm is coming after the grown children.  Two years seem to me like an awful long time to wait before filing a claim, so I do wonder if something's amiss.

7.    Since you don't have information on what happened after your father's death, I would, as others suggest, start with your brother and notify him.   It doesn't sound as if you're close or in regular contact, so I would keep the original letter and send him a copy of it and of the envelope, and ask him specifically to address the issue of whether or not your father had a Will, and if he handled it.

There are more issues, such as what's known as intestacy if your father had no Will, but I would first get in touch with your brother and ensure that he's involved.

8.   As to contacting the firm, I'm of "two minds" about this.    I would try to get in touch with your brother first and clarify issues, but I would also be concerned about filial obligation statutes.    You might call the PA Bar and ask if there's a free legal hotline, and see if you can get legal advice on this, especially if you don't have any funds to pay for the last year's care.

9.   Another aspect that should be pursued is who signed any admission papers, and under what capacity.   I'm not sure at this point how this would interface with filial obligations, but it's a good idea to know if anyone, such as your brother, accepted responsibility (perhaps w/o knowing it) for your father's financial obligations to the nursing home.

Don't panic, but do plan to do some research to protect yourself, starting with visiting your local senior center to get free advice on what kind of attorney might be needed if you need one.   And I would also clarify the filial obligations statute and case law, including whether or not you, in whatever your financial situation is, could be liable if sued. 

When you feel up to it, this is a summary of the PA Filial Obligation statute:

https://www.paelderlaw.net/pennsylvanias-filial-support-law-children-can-be-held-responsible-for-parents-unpaid-nursing-home-bill/
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
Jasmina Aug 2019
My sister didnt get a copy of letter as far as I know. I found out she was paying a small amount per month but then stopped a couple of months ago. That is what triggered this letter. She never said why. Other than too busy to handle it.
I believe its legit letter.
I have no knowledge of if my dad had a will. I think he did. Im pretty sure she is executor. Parents never discussed this with me. I wouldnt be surprised if she told them not to, or said ill handle it dont worry.
Assets have not been liquidated.
They probably tried to contact her but she gave them wrong address.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
Thank you for all the answers. Let me clarify. Sibling (sis) lives in Canada hss for 30yrs. I live in Pa.
She was Power Of Att. for both mom/dad. Mom passed 7yrs ago. It took almost 5yrs for her to get the info for the will gathered up. I got a blank will with a signature. I didnt even know such a thing exsists.
As for dad I have seen NO will. I would never here the end of it if I even asked about it. Itwould be thrown in my face Im money grubber.
Been 2yrs now. I have no idea about it. Wouldn't be surprised if it is another blank will signed 1month b4 death. That way sibling can write a list of what the assets are. I never saw that with my moms. Just got a check out of no where. Not even explanation.
My parents had legit wills done 20yrs ago. But couldnt find them apparently. So says sibling.
I have been deliberately kept in the dark about everything. Sibling enjoys that I dont know. Have some property and she refused to tell me where it is at. I had to call the county and have paperwork sent. She isnt paying taxes on her portion. Lumped in with mine. Just laughs it off.
The nursing home would always call me first about my dad. They never wanted to call Canada. Sis screens her calls probably wouldnt call back anyway. Does that all the time.
I already called the lawyer. I didnt think it was a scam bc I had to sign for the letter. It still could be one, but I didnt think it was, bc sis told me she owed money once b4 to the nursing home. It seemed legit bc my dad was in/out of hospital constantly before he died.
As far as anything else concerning the will, executor if the will. I have no idea. Im totally in the dark and it is designed that way.

I dont know how they can come after me. My parents still have a home/land just sitting. Sis says she is never selling it. I dont know how that can be. If both parents are deceased. Again Im kept in the dark. Neighbors of my parents didnt even know I existed. Only ssibling.
Im sure the lawyer can go after that? If the lawyer calls me, I will be tight lipped. I wasnt going to give them any info but my sisters. I was going to tell him call her. The lawyer is in Pa as well. I read that is a state that can go after family of the deceased. So Im still in a big panic.
Iam just shocked the nursing home took 2yrs to get around to this????
My dad is in Pennsylvania. Only sis is in Canada. Only 2 of us. I guess she is executrix. I have heard nothing in 2yrs. Nothing about assets. Family home nothing. Thank you for your comments. I am totally at a loss as to what to do.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
worriedinCali Aug 2019
Yep looks like PA is using filial law to try to recoup what is owed. However it is my understanding that they have to determine that your dads children can actually afford to pay the outstanding bill. It might be worth contacting your own attorney and NOT the law firm that sent the letter. My concern if I was you, would be that the firm trying to collect on the debt now, may get a judgement against you and your siblings and possibly garnish wages. Don’t know if they will go those extremes or not! Was he on Medicaid? Because if yes, sister IF she is the executor, should have sold the land and house & paid his debts. That is her responsibility again IF she is excutor of the will.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
Sorry, Jasmina, what a stress! If you dad lived in a nursing home in Pennsylvania, then this might be a legitimate letter, unfortunately. That state actively pursues collections from families. You may want to obtain the services from an elder law attorney for advise. Here is a short video on filial responsibility laws and it might have some good info for you. Best wishes.

https://youtu.be/3lgyc_m-xUc
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Pardon Jasmina.
"Brother" is your sister in Canada.
Your mother has passed, and this is about your father's nursing home in PA.

So sorry that your sister has let you down.
Sorry for your loss of both parents.

You say there is a home/land. Any debts can come out of the equity in that home?
It may not need to be sold, it could be refinanced if there is no tax lien. What is the condition of the home....looking at the entire picture of assets may help you.

Is there any reason you cannot research yourself to find out about Dad's estate, the status of probate, and the current ownership of the house/land?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If it was me, I would start with Estate lawyer for 2 reasons: 1) they will give you a free consulting and be able to give you the lay-of-land. 2) And they are cheaper than Elderly lawyer. Some here may disagree, but right now you just really need to know what the NH can and can not do & what are your rights are.

Although, I agree that you should send a copy of the letter to your sister; however, I don't think she will be much help to you! The lawyer who is trying to collect for NH may have been in touch with your sister and got no where--just giving you heads up!

Don't panic...breath...find a lawyer or legal aid!

Just my 2 cents!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Jasmina Aug 2019
Thank you!
(0)
Report
UPDATE: Called sibling. 1. She told me file chapter 13. 2. Then told me to tell the lawyer we are going to sue the nursing home for bad care. (Im not doing or saying that ever). 3. Said she is too busy to deal with it. She said they cant come after her bc she paid 50 a month on the bill. She stop paying in june, which probably triggered lawsuit. She is also using a friends address as hers, so she can screen/ignore any problems that arrise. And she says she might have moved and giggled.
So it seems Im on my own with this. This 10k bill is supposed to be paid in 30days and if not lawyers/court fees added till they take me to court. None of my dads assets or will was discussed. I tried to discuss it, but no.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Shell38314 Aug 2019
I had a feeling that your sister would bailed! It really sucks when family members 'don't' handle there responsibilities and you get stuck with the mess!! I'm am so sorry!

If only your sister would have come to you and both of you discuss the problem and 'worked together' to solve it.

I really would go to Estate lawyer and tell him/her about everything...the withholding dad's will...sister stop paying the NH bill...your sister has thrown you under the bus and by what you have posted she doesn't cares what happens to you...I wouldn't take this laying down!! I would let her know that she messed with the wrong person, but hey....that's just me...threaten my home, life, my world...oh h3ll no!!!

Have you ever wonder why your sister keeps the will from you? I do!

"People who have nothing to hid hid nothing." --Dr. Phil
(6)
Report
See 2 more replies
It sounds like your sister is leaving you holding the bag, after all she is in Canada and you are much more easily accessible. I think she has screwed you over with the Wills too, IMO there is no way in h3ll those were legal documents. I agree with Shell, you need a lawyer to protect yourself and to hopefully send the chickens home to the proper roost.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Shell38314 Aug 2019
I agree that those wills were not legal documents. There is no way...From my understanding from my mother's Estate lawyer in my state, if my brother wants to see her will after she passes I have to show it to him.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
Your sister was POA and needs to do an accounting. An Administrator needs to be assigned to the estate, which can be the lawyer. You really need a lawyer to protect your interest. A letter needs to be sent from one lawyer to another asking for an accounting from the debtor. You have to take it one step at a time. If you and siblings are found responsible, then you each will need to pay your share. If you can prove that paying for parents debts will bring financial hardship, you may not have to pay. Deals can be made. If the house is just standing, it can be sold to pay the debt.

I always thought I would handle things on my own first and then a lawyer. Recently I had to use a lawyer for transfer of property. He handled that, helped with the sale of the house and probate. It was so nice allowing someone else to do the job.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Jasmina Aug 2019
House is just sitting. Someone is renting the land, unless it was sold to them. I dont know. Thank you.
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
Check the county assessor website to see who owns folks home now. Maybe sis has sold it. Tell lawyer to get a lien on the home IF it is still your parent's.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Jasmina Aug 2019
Thank you I will!
(2)
Report
See 2 more replies
Don't panic yet. Call this attorney and discuss why/how you have all of a sudden been pulled into a money matter that your sibling is the person the nursing home needs to direct this issue.
We had a situation similar to this yrs ago. My father-in-law, who was estranged from his 2 kids, had heart by-pass done at Emory hospital. Out of the blue we started receiving calls/letters that we owed his bill or we would be reported to collection agency. NO, WE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT THIS AND WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO WITH THIS? Father-in-law had placed us as next of kin. Big difference between notification of emergency and signing a contract to help pay for this surgery. We flat out told Emory where they could put their collection attempts.
We just happened to move to GA about a year later and the 1st week we were there, we received a letter from Emory with the same threats. My husband sent Emory a certified letter telling them that if they didn't stop their threats then Emory University would be known as ABCD UNIVERSITY. They should have made sure father-in-law had the means to pay and they did not have any legal right to come after us. NEVER HEARD FROM EMORY AGAIN.
DON'T ALLOW THEM TO SCARE YOU. YOU HAVE LEGAL RIGHTS AND YOU CAN TAKE THEM TO COURT FOR THREATENING YOU AS WELL AS NOT HAVING ANY LEGAL CLAIM TO COME TO YOU FOR THE MONEY.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
Jasmina Aug 2019
Thank you but in Pa(Pennsylvania) they can go after relatives. As far as I know I never signed anything. Nursing home tried mult times.
(1)
Report
See 3 more replies
This reminds me of one of the hospitals in the area that had run into some financial
difficulties. Some auditors were brought in to help. The auditors started sending out notices to former patients to pay the remainder of the outstanding balance that was not paid by medicare. There was no balance due. They were trying to collect the amount over and above the amount allowed by medicare.
It was serious enough that all of the local news got hold of the stories and warned people that this was illegal and not to pay anything.
What you have may be something similar. I would not pay anything with out a full accounting of the account. It just could be a scam being run by bill collectors or along those lines.
I think you really need to obtain a full copy of her entire record and maaybe even seek legal council.
Good luck
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Jasmina Sep 2019
Hello and thank you. Bill is from nursing home. I have to get a lawyer bc first words out of sis's mouth was for me to file chapter 13. No joke. She was serious. Then said she was too busy to take care of this problem. S
Then said she was paying a tiny bit per month, and said they cant come after you if bill is being paid. It stopped getting paid in june. No amswer as to why. Nursing home wasted no time coming after me.
I have no accounting of anything. Didnt with my mom either.
She must have known this was going to happen bc she gave them fame address.
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
1) Or why it took 2yrs to send me a letter from a PA lawyer about a bill.
2)  Bill is from nursing home.

This information is confusing, and perhaps is still unfolding.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
cwillie Sep 2019
Minimal payments were being made until recently. Scummy Canadian sister hasn't fulfilled her obligations first as POA and now as executor - she has chosen to walk away knowing full well that the fall out will land on the OP.
(7)
Report
See 1 more reply
https://www.wayforth.com/blog/executor-misconduct-4-ways-break-probate-law
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws
https://blog.aarp.org/legal-grounds/more-filial-support-cases-ending-up-in-court
https://www.nextavenue.org/could-you-be-forced-pay-moms-nursing-home-bill/

Sounds like your sister should never had been made POA or executor. It would appear from looking at USA laws that the nursing home has a right to go after any children of a parent for monies.

I would be very interested in why she hadn’t paid the nursing home in full since that was his money to pay for his care. If it was that he didn’t have the money then I believe you have Medicare there and she should have fulfilled her obligations as POA / executor by ensuring that was in place. If it was he had enough - what did she do with it?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
worriedinCali Sep 2019
Medicare doesn’t pay for nursing homes.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
Jasmina...if it were me, i would write to the nursing home and attorney and give them all of your sisters information, since she was POA and then executor of the will. She is shirking HER responsibilities. Do not let her get you involved in any of it. And if you knew nothing of your fathers finances or will, then why not? You are being taken advantage of by your sister....consult an attorney to ease your mind....
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
AlvaDeer Sep 2019
I agree that she due to her filial relationship is being used as an "easy target". I would see elder law attorney were I her because the best option may be NO reponse to them. The sister has obviously signed something taking responsiblity, perhaps not knowing she had to sign AS POA, not just her name, but the name of the parent, then her name as POA only. And by paying 50.00 she was sort of "assuming the debt" as in assuming responsiblity. Now she won't discuss it and tells her sister to apply Chapter 13, which may be what she herself has done, and now this comes to the other sister. It isn't the other sister's debt and I do not believe our OP can be made to pay it, but boy oh boy, I would be in a lawyer's office as in NOW.
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
Jasmina, I really don't believe you are legally responsible for anything here. Stop panicking. You could pay a local Elder law attorney to consult with or maybe find one to give a free initial consultation where you may find what I just told you- you don't owe them anything. Or you could just wait and ignore their letters. The only way they can get negatively affect you is to take you to court and get a judgement against you so wait and see if they serve a court summons and then think about hiring an attorney, but I'm pretty sure you are not legally responsible. But my guess is you will never see that happen UNLESS you signed paperwork stating you will be financially responsible. So relax
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
TXGirl82 Sep 2019
I think Jasmina is wise to find an elder law attorney now to get ahead of this thing. If the land her dad owned is still part of the estate, her lawyer could help the nursing home go after that instead of Jasmina. (She is the easy target, since she is in PA and sister is in Canada.)

I agree with the point upthread that the court victories thus far (at least two have been upheld on appeal) will embolden other nursing homes and hospitals to go after the families.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/jamiehopkins/2019/02/06/you-might-be-on-the-hook-for-your-parents-nursing-home-costs/#45e0449833e8
(3)
Report
See 6 more replies
Jasmina, please read your whole thread here again, as there is a lot of good advice by responders replying to other responders.
We are worrying about you and thinking about you and we hope you will update when you come to some resolution on this. I think your sister has made some major mistakes.One mistake is that thinking paying 50.00 a month gets her off the hood from a creditor. It only works to assume the debt, let them claim that you PAID so you must know you OWE. I think her mistakes won't come to bite you unless you let them, unless you make mistakes of your own, so do not act without legal advice. I like Tacy's advice IF you communicate at all, because it forces them to prove to you what this is for. If this is a collection agency you will not see a reply to that letter.
Good luck. Please see a lawyer.
Please consider an hour of Elder Law time. This is going to ruin the budget for a month or two, but in terms of mental health it may be worth it.
Good luck.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Jasmina Sep 2019
Thank you Im waiting to talk to lawyer now. I now see she was still paying on the bill.
There is a list of payments and charges along with the letter
.The check # are out of order. So at first glance looks like it wasnt paid after june. That is incorrect. I had to go thru the list and write the dates/checks in proper order.
So Nursing home got paid something in August. So that makes me feel a bit better.
Odd thing is, the last payments of this 2019 are in the middle of the page/list. So glancing at the bottom of the list- it looks like bill was not paid since early june. Weird.
(1)
Report
Plenty of great advice and support for you, Jasmina! The only thing I'll add is to make a folder containing all paperwork; keep a log of what items you received and when and by what means; who and when you talked to and what what discussed (being as specific as you can) and include any witnesses.

Document, document, document. There's no telling when that information, no matter how insignificant it may seem, can make a difference.

I'm sorry you had this dumped on you. Best wishes to you!
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
TXGirl82 Sep 2019
Yes! This.

If you have any written communication with your sister, even texts or emails, print them and put them in that file, too.
(5)
Report
See 4 more replies
Jasmina, have you spoken to the estate planner your parents went to? Who told you dad didn’t have a will? Your sister?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Jasmina Sep 2019
I dont know the persons name. My mom said they went like 1x a month or so. They didnt like it. Was tedious.
I called the county about the wills. The lady said none on file for dad. Im almost positive he had one. They would only know if it was filed. I would think a lawyer would do that at the time the will was done. I am so shocked right now.
How would he have POA if he couldnt get it together to get a will. Why bother. Ugh
(0)
Report
See 3 more replies
Try looking for old check registers to see if you can figure out estate planners name. I had similar happen and just started going through stuff and found what I was looking for, including a lapsed long term care policy.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

What a nightmare! I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Jasmina Sep 2019
Thank you. Even the lawyer thinks its a nightmare. O_o
(2)
Report
Jasmina,
Thank you for your update below. So relieved that you are in the hands of this lawyer now. I have to think that your sister is well aware of assets and is trying to keep the facts hidden. There is something VERY wrong with all her responses to you.
I hate to think of the costs you are incurring here, but I cannot help but be so relieved you are seeing a Lawyer. This is a heck of a lesson you are learning, and likely to be costly in every way from monetary to emotional, but your words below on what we must do now to protect our families in future are so good.
I hope you will update us as you walk this journey. You could be such a help to so many as you walk this walk with the Lawyer.
I personally will always be on the lookout for "Update from Jasmina" and my thoughts are with you. Hope this goes well for you.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Jasmina Sep 2019
UPDATE: Thank you for your kind words. I felt like I was physically beat up after I left lawyers office. I was shaking, upset, mad, feeling awful. Part of me was saying why is this happening? Who does this to family? Rip them off (potentially) and who gets a lawyer after family? Im very conflicted. Also no will submitted to the courts? After all this time? I still cant believe that one.
I also need to talk to lawyer about how much of mom's assets automatically go to husband. Mom died and he was still living. Havent found concrete answers online yet. I was told, most of the assets had to be kept, and added to dads assets. So no personal items distributed. NONE. Not even sentimental. It has been 7yrs now. Still nothing.

Everyone was telling me go see a lawyer. If you think something is off it probably is. Dont let your Executor tell you, you cant ask questions. Or provide you with O answers. You have a right to know!!!
I was even told dont open the mail (when dad was living) only Executor can do that. It is illegal. I never did. The lawyer said all this time? Why not?

I have to remind myself that narcissists will always try to get you to believe a different reality than what is really going on. This has happened all my life. My mom and sis always telling me my feelings/reactions were wrong. The gaslighting was tremendous. Still is. If I brought up (the will) Im a filthy money gruber. It was 2yrs after death. I didnt have a right to know, and no right to question anything. Withholding knowledge is power.
So finding out what assets go to husband is next. I'm writing all my questions down for when I talk to him next. At least with him I get answers. That is more than I've ever gotten in 7yrs.
(5)
Report
See 1 more reply
Update: Venting. So after a week my lawyer has not called the lawyer of the nursing home. It's coming down to the wire and I'm so stressed. Sis said to call her at a specific time, then doesnt bother to answer.
Im afraid nursing home's lawyer is going to say we waited a yr for payment, and we are not waiting any longer for the estate to be probated. I dont know what to do. I dont have 10k.
My lawyer says dad has no will. He looked into it. I'm so stressed right now.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
AlvaDeer Sep 2019
But Jasmina your Dad does have some assets? Are they in Canada or here? I am so sorry this is still not going well for you. Please try not to fret if something doesn't happen right away. I am pretty certain the wheels will move slow here. The GOOD NEWS is that if you have not got the money they cannot get the money and the debt will be forgiven in whatever time frame your state dictates, usually around four or five years. If your credit is other wise good, and your credit gets ruined by this, then you need a simple lawyer letter saying you were unfairly assessed costs of your father's care and cannot pay for his care. Sometime, unless you are buying a home or a car, not having credit isn't the worst thing in the world; I have known people to actually be able to SAVE once they don't have credit cards in their wallet.
I hope you will keep updating us. I think of you and am pulling for you.
(0)
Report
See 3 more replies
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter