I have a sister that is the caregiver for our mother. She does everything for her. I live in another state. Should I send her money to help?

I would,ask her what she needs. Self care for her is so important! I was my moms caregiver for 5 years. I'm 62 now. It was EXHAUSTING! Maybe offer to pay for a yoga studio, a "babysitter" get a food list and have delivery from a grocery store once a week. Anything to give your sister a break on a weekly basis.

Thank you for posing this question. I care for my mom 24/7 and would love to have my sister from out of state offer to do anything. I agree with the other poster who suggested you ask her what she needs or would like.

Is your sister eligible to receive Medicaid payments to family caregivers that are available in some states? If so, you could start by helping her with the paperwork for that. Talk to your sister and offer to help financially or otherwise (any way you can). Sometimes help is needed to find out about programs or services that are available. Your sister might need a break at times. If you can help by hiring an aide to come in to give your sister a break, it might help. But it is best to talk to your sister.

I have to give you major kudos for asking the question! So many siblings fail to be supportive to the main caregiver. It must be hard for both you and your sister that you cannot visit. This pandemic affects so much...

I agree with the previous answer that suggested asking your sister what would help. But I have a specific suggestion that she probably wouldn't mention unless you do. I would guess that she would think of asking for a break now and then during the week. But if she has been at it a long time, she may need more than that. She may need an offer to put her up in a hotel in a pretty area, and have your mother stay in an assisted living facility that offers respite care.

I have not read others answers, but I know the most wonderful loving gift would be to ask her what you could do to help and that you love her and want her to know that, being just a phone call away. My sister lived out of state and was not able to travel as I was our Moms caregiver. Knowing I could call her at anytime was such a great helpful gift, especially when Mom wouldn’t take her meds because she said I was trying to poison her. At that time she didn’t know who I was. My sister was able to calm her down, with convincing Mom I was helping and would not kill her. She was also a support to me, being she well understood Mother’s temperament. So miles between didn’t really matter, she was my right arm.
Another thought might be to send her a special treat she would enjoy. Sweets, flowers, etc.

If your sister need the money, send her money. If your mom has money, give sister your blessing to pay herself for caregiving. For example, your mom's funds help with rent/mortgage, utilities, etc.
If money is not an issue, you could consider paying for someone to come into the home for a few hours a week so that your sister has some respite time.
I'm sure that your sister would appreciate any gesture of help.

I would send 200.00 I take care of my disabled mother, even though it’s a labor of love it would be great to have some money.

Imho, the money for the parent's care do not come out of their adult children's financial institutions.

I am my mothers caregiver and I would love if my out of state brother did something for me! I would love a break so money for respite care would be amazing!

Ask your sister how you can help. I was the in-town caregiver for my parents as they aged and declined, but I never felt alone. My sister did everything she could from 1800 miles away. She and I talked frequently and made decisions together. I was still working and she was working part time. She had more time than I did, so she called my parents more frequently and checked in with their caregivers. Whenever we needed to research care, doctors, care facilities, doctors, etc., she did that online and by phone. She also came on short notice when she was needed (i.e. when my mom was to be released from the hospital on my first day back at school (I was teaching) and she helped set up all the at-home care.
I don’t know the specifics of your situation. Maybe some money would be helpful to hire extra help. In my situation, my sisters’ support as outlined above was more important.
Good luck! It is hard to be the one caring for one’s parents, but it is also hard to be the one far away and feeling helpless.

Yes.

Perhaps you could find a way to help her pay for groceries and/or take on the payment online of the utility bills and/or help with online housing payments. As elderly age their dietary needs can become more specific and it can cost money. I don't think theres a specific amount. I think it depends on your own finances. For the daughters who care for parents it tends to be, as st. Mother Teresa of Calcutta said, "give until it hurts." My experience with that is somehow it all comes back with blessings many times over.

Did the OP ever come back to update us? I’m curious what she chose to do!

Yes hired help is $25 - 30 an hour. Pay for help 2-3 times a week or pay for housekeeper and send meals from favorite restaurants 3-4 times a week.

Offer both money and help. The suggestions have been good, and making specific offers might help your sister see options that she's too overwhelmed to think about in the moment. I have one suggestion that's not really in here yet: set up a Trello account shared with your sister where you can keep track of tasks that need to be done. You will be surprised at the things you can help with from a distance once you know what's going on. Keeping a prescription list up to date and ready to print. Setting up prescription renewals by mail. Paying the utilities. Managing other finances, but make sure sis knows you want to help and are not accusing her of mismanagement. Setting up and managing Amazon subscriptions for adult incontinence products and household necessities. You can handle grocery delivery for them if she sends you the list - so she doesn't need to spend time texting answers to the shopper's questions. Arranging to have their taxes done. Negotiating problems with medical insurance and Medicare. Finding and making appointments with contractors for home repairs. My advice is to put all the specific tasks on Trello and figure it from there. Your sister is probably too tired to ask for help if all you offer is "is there anything I can do?" If you get specific and have that bulletin board space to put things, she can feel your involvement. If she's not tech-savvy enough for that, set it up yourself and choose all the tasks that a non-tech-savvy person will need help with. Tell her exactly what you think you could help with and how she would adjust it. Knowing that there is someone who knows what needs to be done and is partnering with you makes such a HUGE emotional difference.