Should I send her money to help with the care of our mother? During this Covid-19 pandemic, I'm not able to help out. What would you suggest and how much?
My mother is handicapped and can't do anything for herself.

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Great idea! Find a way to pay for a break or vacation for the sister - a trip and someone to stay 24/7 while she's gone. Is there any relative or someone you know who could fill that gap?

If my siblings just sent cash it wouldn't help me much. What I need is breaks, on regular basis, throughout the year. I'm worn out. You're a great sister
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Reply to my2cents
NeedHelpWithMom Nov 4, 2020
I wholeheartedly agree with you!
While money is nice to assist with care, my hope (as a primary caregiver) is that you’re offering your sister emotional support. Be a listening ear and be ready to be vented to at times. I have called my out of state sister to complain at her from time to time and she patiently listens. I don’t need anything solved I just want to blow off a little steam. I’m super grateful she understands too! She never takes it personally or anything like that. I’ve made it clear to her though I just needed to get some things off my chest. Caregiving is hard emotionally, spiritually, and physically. And until you’ve walked a mile in the shoes of a caregiver you maybe won’t understand everything but be patient with your sis and don’t try to offer solutions when she calls to cry or fuss. Just listen. That’s all we ask💗
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Reply to tirednurse02
notgoodenough Nov 3, 2020
I so agree! It was worth more than money to me to be able to vent to my sister, without her making helpful "suggestions ".
There is great comfort in just being listened to without being judged.
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What a good family! Respite sounds like a great idea as others have suggested. But I want to share what a group of old friends have done for their long time friend who has been caring for her husband and has not been able to contribute to any retirement or keep up with her home. They all contributed to a savings account for her, and have continued to contribute something every year. One friend recently sent a repairman over to fix much needed home repairs. Another paid for some car maintenance. Another paid for a consultation with an elder care attorney. These are extraordinary friends as you can see. I thought I would share what some of them have done to help their friend.
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Reply to Mepowers

Money is always nice but
How about a local store that does meals that all you have to do is heat. A lot have individual meals or meals for the family. Ask if they can deliver. Find out from your sister when would be a good time and have a meal delivered. Or call a Pizza place you know they like and have a pizza delivered. All this would take a meal or two off your sisters agenda.
Arrange to have a cleaning company come in once or better yet if you can afford it once a week but 2 times a month would probably be good.
Is there a laundry service in the area that would pick up, clean, fold and drop off?
And if there are agencies that are sending out caregivers how about paying for a caregiver 1 or 2 days a week. Even if it is for 4 hours. I have to tell you that when I had a caregiver come in for a few hours the first time I thought I had hit the lottery. I could get things done for myself that I had been putting off.
You are awesome to think about this for her.
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Reply to Grandma1954

I would say this can be summarized in four steps:

1) Provide financial support, the amount to be determined by your respective financial positions, and perhaps enough to purchase respite care or other major benefit.

2) Provide a gift as a token of your appreciation--it should be thoughtful but not necessarily a major expense.

3) Provide emotional support--a shoulder to lean upon.

4) Offer to do "homework" such as internet research on subjects that would be of help--perhaps legal matters, sources of help, etc.
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Reply to jacobsonbob

How sweet of you. Send what you can comfortably afford. I am quite sure that your gift will be appreciated.

Ask your sister what she needs at this time. Mention that you are very appreciative of her caregiving to your mom.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

As that sister I would appreciate calls to listen to me and let me vent. Offer to take over duties/tasks you can do remotely.
(I once asked my remote sister to research medical alert options for Mom and she sent me a screen shot of a Google search!)
Balance checkbooks or financial issues
Monitor medical expenses
Order supplies, clothing, toiletries
Research medications, medical equipment
Call and talk to your Mom regularly
Order gifts, flowers, etc

And notes and small gift to your sister to let her know you are thinking of her, how about pay for a spa day for her? Haircuts, facial, manicure, whatever makes her happy.

For caregivers it’s often not the money that is an issue but the constant drain on your attention, what did I forget to do? What item is Mom out of?

Sometimes we just need a sympathetic ear. And bless you for caring, I suggest you have a frank talk with your sister about this. Don’t ask what you can do, offer specifics.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Frances73

Discuss this with your sister see what her needs are. If she says no thanks I got it maybe set up a savings program and when this is over gift it to your sister
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Reply to lacyisland

Ask your sister what she needs help with: housekeeping, grocery delivery, gas for transportation... Those kinds of things can be arranged and you can pay for them to lighten her load.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Taarna

If your mother has plenty of money for her care and your sister isn't having to use her own money, then you should send your sister Cards, Flowers, Presents, Gift Cards for getting a Manicures and Pedicure, Massage, Out to Eat, ect. to show your appreciation.

If she is the sole provider for your mom where your mom lives with her , your sisters should have a day or two break once a week with a Caregiver coming in to relieve her.
If your mom doesn't have the money in her funds to do that, then you should pay for a Caregiver at least one 24 hr period for your sister to have a break.
It could be all day from 8 - 12 hrs a couple days a week or one 24 hr day, which ever your sister prefers.

Caregiving is very hard and your sister needs a day or two break during each week.

You should also plan a few days to a week, to come down and watch your mom so your sister can have a vacation.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to bevthegreat

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