How to tell spouse I am quitting driving?
After researching our area, I find that Uber, Lyft and various non-emergency transport companies will handle all transport including his mobility scooter. I am able to use the regular bus system for myself and two weeks ago used Uber for the first time; I am 67 and he is 79. Spouse has a scooter for short errands around the neighborhood and it's 1.5 miles to the nearest large grocery and 1 mile to the nearest convenience store from the house. The VA takes him door to door for all appointments.
He handled no longer driving for himself in March 2020 better than anticipated; his hand tremors are worse along with vision and physical strength. I did get a scare when I was ill some weeks ago and he proposed driving, and he pulled himself back from actually attempting; luckily, I've been able to scare up a driver for each time. I can't depend on that always happening. Another factor is that my night blindness is worse.
Not including gasoline expenses, the 1995 car accrued $3700 in repairs, insurance and oil changes from Jan. 2020 to July 2021 and it's currently in the repair shop; its Blue Book value is $250! I'm ready to let others take over transport. It's not like we live in a rural area because the suburbs have great support for elders' transport.
Spouse has mentioned how we /must/ have a car. I do understand because a measure of independence will go when the car goes. What I'm hoping for in this post are ways to broach the subject; I certainly don't expect the situation will be easy to get used to for him or for me.
I write from the patients perspective. I was diagnosed in Mid APril of 21 with Moderate to Severe Stage of ALZ. I was first diagnosed 5 yrs ago with Early Onsset. I stopped driving of my own volition in March 2020. Yes, I have put a lot of the burden on my DW and Adult Children. I just decided one day last March it was time to hand over the keys. My Neuro Dr. said I was her first patient to give up driving without being told they had to.
Yes, stopping driving has added a load on other family members, some of my friends have offered rides when my DW was still working. Never once have I said to anyone, I want to drive again. I just know the time was right to stop. My family is happy to taken me where I need to go. They no I am safe.
I recommend to all patients when they are diagnosed to have the driving conversation going on from the time of diagnosis. I did that with my family, and I have also had conversations about when it becomes time to admit me to Memory Care, and what my wishes are as far as medical treatment is concerned. Do please arrange for your DPOA's for Medical and Financial affairs. The family will have a lot less on their plate if these issues are discussed and the legal and medical questions have been answered. I hope this is helpful.
Next make a chart with costs of using alternative transportation versus owning a vehicle. Tally up total costs for a month for each mode of transportation and also do a tally for the year with at least 10% extra added for anything that might come up. When he - and you - see the costs, it should alleviate fears of creating a huge financial burden of NOT having a vehicle.
Thank God you are addressing this before you lose total vision. Since you are having trouble driving at night, please see an eye doctor. You may have cataracts that can be treated.
Then both you and your husband take Uber and other transportation until he gets use to it then eventually donate the car.
Good job being so proactive!