How to explain to police that woman with dementia is violent (biting, wielding knives, etc.) and tells lies about being abused. The abuse is actually from her. False arrests.
I have seen there are recording devices that look like pens or key fobs and are under $100. Some were less than 50. Some sites have buyer reviews which I found helpful. Yes, most of us that have cell phones can easily record audio. Video can be less covert. Cell phones are handy in a pinch.
Venting on topic. My husband's father's widow always treated his children like dirt (even though they were adults when father and stepmother met and married and even though their mother had been dead for five years). Now she has Alzheimer's dementia, which has made a nasty person nastier. She tells people lies about my husband and yet demands loyalty and service as though she used to change my husband's diapers. H*ll, she didn't even change his father's diapers when He was dying. My husband and his sister (the co-dependents in a family otherwise peopled by narcissists and borderline) treat her as though she was their mother. I just can't stand it. She has accused innocent people of theft - my recently widowed sister-in-law. I thank God she has already been a little afraid of me because I am, as she says, "smart." Smart enough not to go clean her house so she can then tell everyone she knows I was stealing crap from he, as she did with my husband's brother' widow. To all the people out there caring for people who were loving parents once: bad people get dementia too and are not improved. I refuse to be with her or in her house without witnesses. I wish my husband would do the same. The witnesses are not so had FOR US to arrange -- she always seems to have a caregiver with her or an attorney she would like to think of her as her boyfriend. The last time the widowed sister-in-law saw her, she'd come to clean her house and was not allowed entry until the caregiver arrived. The latest on the attorney: he killed her cat, he stole her comic books, and he wants to steal her wine cellar. Yet she insists on coming to my daughter's wedding even though she will later find some imagined slight (e.g. birthday cake and gift not fine enough -- in 30 years, she never gave my husband or his sister a gift that didn't either come from them in the first place or from Goodwill).
Off topic again, sorry this is about type 1 diabetes. My son was diagnosed at 18 so we have something tragic in common. But there is hope for Type 1s getting off insulin. Human trials have been approved for an "anti-vaccine." It's a shot given periodically that may some day turn off the attacking white blood cells that attack the islets of langenhorn as though they were foreign bodies like a bacteria. There is a privately held company in Southern California that is proceeding with this, but I think that the original research came out of Stanford. A little over a year ago, Stanford put out a press release on this. There is no promise for immediate relief, but I still live in hope for my son, for something before .... well, you know what I'm thinking.
sherry1anne, I respectfully decline to agree with you at ALL regarding anything, short of successful islet cell transplanting (which is not yet happening and approved) for curing TYPE 1 diabetes. My son, an athlete who played college football, was diagnosed at 22. He had spinal meningitis as a baby, which the doctors believe triggered the autoimmune response later in life. All three of my children, who are adults, have autoimmune disease/disorders and the common thread is that both parents have a recessive mutant gene. The diabetes is not what runs in the family - it is autoimmune disease that does. Type 2 can be controlled with diet and exercise/lifestyle changes. ANY information that indicates or implies that Type 1 can be cured by diet or anything other than insulin therapy is incorrect and dangerous to share. Diet and exercise is very important to Type 1's but it will never eliminate the need for insulin therapy. NEVER.
Response to pamstegman. Well, there is always one in the batch with a comment like yours. Expected. Of course 911 was called. Police officers were called and spoke to numerous times. The LAW allows an elderly person to do as they please. They do not have to see a doctor, they can refuse medical attention, they can walk on the roof, as was the case here. The woman can "play" with knives. They can not eat. But, smarty pants, if they call the police and complain (LIE) the caregiver can be arrested for elder abuse. Maybe you need counseling on the facts of the law.
To Bloujeanbaby's response. Thank You. I was destroyed. I did everything to protect myself. Video taped took picturs, I informed everyone, including the police, APS, etc. She got away with the lies due to a corrupt legal system that is thriving on false arrests. Not only is it political in nature, judges, attorneys, ect, but the financial reward money trail is long. I have a book due out next week. I would like all of you to read what is happening to family caregivers that is not making the news. It will SHOCK all of you. Thanks for all of your stories. We must share our stories in order to keep the caregivers safe.
Yes, you are correct - nothing "cures" diabetes, but the raw food diet did put at least one case of type 1 into remission. Please check out the movie "Simply Raw: Reversing Diabetes in 30 Days" One of the participants in the documentary was type 1 brittle diabetic. He no longer needs insulin. I do understand the dynamics of the pancreas not making insulin. Diabetes runs on both sides of my family, along with juvenile diabetes. If you are interested in the process, it will explain the entire program and the results for the type 1. participant.
What a person eats will NOT CURE Type 1 Diabetes. It can keep a Type 2 in the 'normal' range. I can test Normal (Type 2) but I will NOT test normal if given a glucose tollerance test. I can be in control by eating right & exercizing. That works for Type 2. My pancreas still makes insulin. Type 1 does not make insulin. The pump has been awesome for many, but it is not a cure & neither is what a Type 1 eats!
Yes and its horrible! I had to call for help for my husband twice and both times the police where very professional and did not believe anything he was telling them. Thank- God. I think he could have killed me and would not be aware. After a stay in a dementia unit (twice) and some medications he is manageable.
Dear BeFreeAtLast. I guess I'm one of the crazies - Western medicine is definitely what I want if I'm having a heart attack or a broken bone, but in general, I feel that "let food be your medicine" is very important. I'm sending you a link to a site for a documentary about a program that cured at least 1 person of type 1 diabetes and several with type 2 diabetes utilizing a program of raw and living food. rawfor30days/themovie.html Everything is done in this retreat center under medical supervision.
Everything you say is true, but some people are prepared to deny dementia cannot be cured, e.g. with herbal tea, and these same folk will sometimes accuse caregivers of "gas lighting" the person with dementia, that is, creating crazy-making situations in order to acquired something the caregiver is not entitled to from power to exclude others to money etc. etc. My mother's caregiver had to contend with people who had quite the brief against "Western medicine" and convinced my mother her caregiver and her doctors were her enemies. There are a lot of people like this in the world -- the anti-western medicine crowd. Some of them convinced my Type 1 diabetic son that he did not need insulin about nine years ago and he almost died. Now we are so grateful for his insulin pump and will be more even more grateful if the scientists come up with a cure. It could happen -- insulin has been available to diabetics for about 100 years -- at the beginning of the last century, children who had it died because they had no insulin to make glucose available to them. Perhaps Alzheimers will itself be just a memory before too long.
Confabulation is very common with those suffering from Alzheimer's. My husband lies about everything--to the point of ridiculousness. Has even blamed the cat for hiding his wallet, keys, and er....dirty socks! Goes with the disease. As long as it doesn't hurt a person I go along with it, but there comes a point when they do accuse others of abuse, kidnapping, taking their belongs, etc. Medical, legal and law enforcement should be aware of the traits of those suffering from dementia---but it is very difficult at times to distinguish real case scenerios. I would suggest caregivers inform area law enforcement of situations before a problem develops. Even though hubby gets furious when I make others aware that he has Alzheimer's, in the long run it is much easier. The neighbors, landscaper, plumber, grocer, clergy, etc. understand. When falsehoods and delusions come forth, they are much more accepting, helpful and tolerant. Please inform people upfront. People are more appreciative than we realize. Good luck. Wish you the very best. It might not be a bad idea to keep a daily journal of behavioral issues. Sometimes as caregivers we do not always see the seriousness of situations until the inevitable happens.
The former caretaker for my father-in-law, Jose, was frequently attacked, bruised, insulted and so on by his subsequent client. That man's wife was desperate to keep him out of a care home, so Jose endured until the man died of whatever his presenting illness was at home. What a nightmare. Jose was from another country and probably did not have a work permit. I assume Jose was afraid to leave his job no matter what. Jose had stopped working for my father-in-law because he could make more money working for the violent patient. My father-in-law had severe memory loss but only that -- he never was abusive to his caregiver, just weaker and weaker and weaker. Even after he stopped working with my late father-in-law, Jose would stop by and visit, supervise his successor caregivers who were less experienced and sometimes cook meals for the family. He refused compensation except for the cooking. That man was so kind to my mother-in-law and the rest of us. When people are hostile about illegal immigration, I wonder how more than one family would have managed without Jose. I think there are a lot of families in the U.S. who would be in even more desperate situations without illegal immigrants.
Oh yeah, some of these people with dementia, Alzheimer's, etc. I sometimes wonder just how 'demented' they actually are. Some are just continuing just what they were when younger and (supposedly) in their right minds. My own moo was good at making statements when I was still at home to cover her own narc rages at me. (before I left when I was 24) I think she is still doing it now as I caught her at it just a few weeks ago at the dentist. I think if I keep my cool, she will eventually hang herself as she did so long ago. cover your behind.
Document everything! Keep a detailed log & video whenever possible. Get an external hard drive to store your documentation. We MUST protect ourselves from the caregiver witch-hunt that is currently rampant in our society. Anonymous accusations are flying and taken seriously by those in APS & law enforcement whose incomes depend on those accusations. It is in their best financial interests to "investigate complaints" against us. It is job security for them. I for one refuse to be crucified for doing the right thing by my parent.
To All, This life we live advocating, caring and fearing is not for the light hearted. I do think I could have never imagined all the issues I have had to deal with. As time passes, and sadly we see more and more of this, I hope we all can get some answers. I do know that the WHO, ( World Health Organization), is putting a lot of stock into the money and science related to this, more than the US.
This is a toll none of us could have ever been able to calender, organize or file time frames, in which this all becomes worse. I had a caregiver say to me recently, as you can see they can seem OK with others, yet, once the door closes the whole dynamic changes. The idea that they try to work harder around others, is intriguing to me. My mom knows how to just slide by, it is as if the challange gives them somthing to work toward. Does that make sense? So when she is with me she has no desiere to reach deeper in and act nice,respond fairly well, and seem normal. This disease moves like an under-current, it comes and goes, at times with little if any worning.
My Dad and I carried small tape recorders with us for months because my Mom was threatening to call the cops. By the time she finally did, her symptoms were so pronounced we didn't need the tapes to prove who was having the problem. It's amazing how she could turn her symptoms on and off, depending who the audiance was. Hang in there. This is a long road.
Dear destroyed, I like the name you use. I am sorry you are using it in the past tense as this must mean that the damage has, ultimately, been done. I wish I could be more helpful to you. However, I can relate to your plight. My Dad & I were sitting in the driveway having just returned from church. He was still driving (badly) at the time. The conversation was normal for us, as conversations go. I don't remember what preceded it, but he suddenly looked at me, eyes glaring,and said, "Look, I know how to really hurt you if I want. I already have everything in place to destroy you!" I was so shocked & looked at him, thinking, "What could he possibly be thinking I did to him?" I mean, really, WHO SAYS THAT??? "What are you talking about?" I asked. He told me that he knew how to ruin me so I would be stripped of my nursing license, taken to jail, then put out on the street without any of my belongings (furniture, clothing, etc.) homeless, unable to ever work as a nurse again, with a criminal record, ostracized from my family, friends, peers, the police, and no one would believe me because he had a plan so cunning & well-thought out and he knew I was not capable of being more devious than he was, so I shouldn't try to. Can you believe that? My Dad & I have been close my entire life. I looked at this man and I said, "You are crazy! What is going on with you?" It was the first time he did anything like that. But, it wasn't the last. I was looking my Dad, but all I saw was EVIL! This someone else--not Dad! He would never, ever think to want to destroy me! To my horror, he tried to make good on his threat because he thought I was trying to have him diagnosed as "crazy." It got worse before it got better. I still don't know a good way to tell you to handle it. I say this little prayer every day & it helps a lot: Lord, remove anybody out of my life, that means me no good, serves me no purpose, and is not real & loyal. Bless me w/ the discernment to realize and give me strength to let go and not look back! Good luck to you! Take care of yourself! You have all my best! blou XOXOXOXOX!
My mother has not become violent, but the aide she has in the morning gets shouted at and accused of things on a regular basis. She leaves the romm, making sure mom is safe, comes back after awhile and it is like a new day, mom forgot. I guess it depends where they are in the disease process. As a geriatric nurse and daughter I think it is dangerous, overly stressful and in appropriate to keep a person (demented or not) in the home. It is not good for her either. You would all be safer and happier if you could find a facility for her, maybe see a gerontologist and see if meds would help. Good luck and please take care. The alzheimers association actually has a 24hour hotline. You can call and they will help you figure out how to handle anything that comes up. I have spoken with them many times and they are knowledgable and compassionate. google azlheimers asociation
NANNY CAMS AND RECORERDES. Available everyehwere. I have dealwith this, document at what point during the day this happens, is sundowners, is she hungry ect. Yes there are meds that can calm them. Yes, there is a apoint of over medicating, as well as under medicating, yet, safety is number one. Get letter's from neighbores, Dr's ect, and have them given to thelocal police dept. As well, talk to you local area on aging for advise. Some do get more violent then other's, it can take very little to set them off. I always have cookies to calm her as well as meds. The fall risk is an issue to watch out for. Save your self, protect yourslf, and perhaps it is time to get her transitioned into a faclity.
Sometimes we become the enemy when we care for others with mental illness. It is important not to put yourself in harms way & I would think that there should be a Psychiatric Hospital to be involved instead of the police. Being a R.N. & having dealt with this in the past as a care giver for my husband with solvent dementia, I found the police inappropriate & unable to deal with the situation. The patient must be kept safe from harming them self. This is of utmost importance. DO NO HARM.
Why on earth are you continuing to care for a woman who comes at you with knives! For your sake and your family's get her in a nursing home.
Why do we continue to believe people with dementia/Alzheimer's are playing with a full deck, ruining lives they touch? I would NEVER allow this type of violent behavior in my home no matter what they want to call it.
I have people telling me my mother looks great and doesn't seem to have dementia. What they don't know is she has one or two phrases she can use to answer their almost always same questions. After that, there's nothing in there. I don't even think there is FEELING in there.
Any issues my mother may have had with drinking are so trivial compared to her Alzheimer's issue. I just spoke to her on the telephone international long distance. She barely could manage the technology of the telephone. I think she knew who I was, but she seemed to think that I had left her a voice mail from Africa (never been to Africa, probably never will go there, it's such a tragic place). She kept talking about packing magazines and sewing. She just didn't track a topic. She's beyond confabulation now. How long can this go on?
My son's MIL was given Oxycontin and became addicted. She was violent and publicly hit family members. Unfortunately she abandoned the entire family for the drug and died alone. Try to do an intervention with your loved one, with a professional in attendance.
These comments are so helpful. I suppose I have been lucky in that no one I know has been arrested on account of confabulations, much less myself. I have not even been a primary victim. I have seen enough, however, to feel panicky just thinking about what could happen to others in my mother's life, in particular the cruelty, the injustice, the ingratitude as experienced by her caretaker. He rises above it all over and over, but how can it be anyone's duty to show wisdom, compassion and self-sacrifice over and over and over again? At his age! They met and fell in love when she was 80 and he was 81 a bit over ten years ago. They had very few good years, and he's so paying for them. He's just got out of rehab after an emergency hip replacement. Fortunately, my mother has been in a care home for almost a year but she absolutely hates him for putting her there as a last resort - though he continued to adore her. She even accused him of trying to rape her about a year ago -- she raised the issue only with me, and I could not bear to even tell him she said it. I think she just wanted to get him removed from their home (which he actually owns), so that she could return to drinking a bottle of wine a day instead of taking her meds for Alzheimer's, COPD and heart problems. Her verbal abuse of him was never ending, and I was so ashamed of her behavior, no matter what the cause. If she could have seen what she was to become, she would have been as appalled as I am. She once had a fine intellect. We do not live in the same country -- I have no legal right to live in the country where she chose to move over 40 years ago and her caretaker has her power of attorney. I have wanted to be helpful for so many years, but there's little I can offer except respite care, and with one week exception, he refused that offer as not in her best interest. He was right about that as during that one week she kept believing that I was his new girlfriend and that he was "dumping" her. I had to show her my passport to convince her I was her daughter not once but twice. She wants to return to the US, she says, to live with her mother and father (dead since the 1970s) in a house my grandparents sold before I was born in 1947. How have our lives come to this? I AM in therapy and it is not very helpful.
My own moo was good at making statements when I was still at home to cover her own narc rages at me. (before I left when I was 24)
I think she is still doing it now as I caught her at it just a few weeks ago at the dentist.
I think if I keep my cool, she will eventually hang herself as she did so long ago.
cover your behind.
two cents ¢¢
We MUST protect ourselves from the caregiver witch-hunt that is currently rampant in our society. Anonymous accusations are flying and taken seriously by those in APS & law enforcement whose incomes depend on those accusations. It is in their best financial interests to "investigate complaints" against us. It is job security for them.
I for one refuse to be crucified for doing the right thing by my parent.
This life we live advocating, caring and fearing is not for the light hearted.
I do think I could have never imagined all the issues I have had to deal with. As time passes, and sadly we see more and more of this, I hope we all can get some answers. I do know that the WHO, ( World Health Organization), is putting a lot of stock into the money and science related to this, more than the US.
This is a toll none of us could have ever been able to calender, organize or file time frames, in which this all becomes worse. I had a caregiver say to me recently, as you can see they can seem OK with others, yet, once the door closes the whole dynamic changes. The idea that they try to work harder around others, is intriguing to me. My mom knows how to just slide by, it is as if the challange gives them somthing to work toward. Does that make sense?
So when she is with me she has no desiere to reach deeper in and act nice,respond fairly well, and seem normal. This disease moves like an under-current, it comes and goes, at times with little if any worning.
Thanks for Listening, Jazmine1,Best to all!!!
Good luck and please take care. The alzheimers association actually has a 24hour hotline. You can call and they will help you figure out how to handle anything that comes up. I have spoken with them many times and they are knowledgable and compassionate. google azlheimers asociation
Best Jazmine!!!
It is important not to put yourself in harms way & I would think that there should be a Psychiatric Hospital to be involved instead of the police.
Being a R.N. & having dealt with this in the past as a care giver for my husband with solvent dementia, I found the police inappropriate & unable to deal with the situation.
The patient must be kept safe from harming them self. This is of utmost importance. DO NO HARM.
Why do we continue to believe people with dementia/Alzheimer's are playing with a full deck, ruining lives they touch? I would NEVER allow this type of violent behavior in my home no matter what they want to call it.
I have people telling me my mother looks great and doesn't seem to have dementia. What they don't know is she has one or two phrases she can use to answer their almost always same questions. After that, there's nothing in there. I don't even think there is FEELING in there.