How to explain to police that woman with dementia is violent (biting, wielding knives, etc.) and tells lies about being abused. The abuse is actually from her. False arrests.
I am sure you will hear better answers, but there are very small recording devices available. Some look like key fobs & some like pens. Record her behaviour. I would think her doctor would be helpful. I cannot speak from this exact type of experience, but I like to believe that she has been seen & evaluated by a doctor who might be able to provide guidance. Perhaps the doctor has seen her exhibit this behaviour? Does she have a difficult time being 'good' in public or those she might want to hide this behaviour from? You will get better suggestions from people with more experience than I. The recording device is something we wished we had purchased and used. Hindsight being 20/20.
If the local police are worth their salt, they will figure out what's going on. Our mother drove over to the local police dept and filed a report that my older brother had shoved her and broke her back. They "got" what was going on, took the report and that was all. I did feel bad that there is a report with my brother's name stating "Elder Abuse". At this point, my sister and I were in the process of obtaining guardianship. Once we got legal assistance, we took her car away, got mother into assisted living, on correct meds, and she is now on an even keel. BTW we also used a recording device from time to time, just in case we had to prove ourselves to the judge. Also, check with your local Elder Abuse group, elder abuse goes both way and if you are hit or injured by this person, you may need to document these instances.
Confabulating and Confabulations Honest lies In Alzimer's psychology, confabulation (verb: confabulate) defined as: the production of fabricated, distorted or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world, without the conscious intention to deceive.
Confabulations are major concern because confabulations are likely to be believed and acted upon.
It is difficult for everyone to accept a mind is damaged by Alzheimer's Disease. Not only is memory damaged their ability to process thoughts and conversations is impaired.
Confabulations are a major annoyance and can be dangerous- when we the take everything in a discussion at face value. Confabulating is very frequently observed in people with Alzheimer's information that is blatantly false yet are coherent, internally consistent, and appear relatively normal.
IMCO, if a person has dementia, Alzheimer's, assume they are confabulating and do not take what they say as face value. Validate You can not assume what they say because it is coherent, internally consistent, and appears relatively normal.
I have a printed copy of this in the File-of-Life envelope on my fridge to EMT;s along with MOLST, health care proxy and med information.
One observation is that Sunrise Syndrome is different from Sundowning because the person may wake up in a confabulation mind set. During a Sunrise Syndrome conversation with the content may filled with confabulations; verbal statements and/or actions that inaccurately describe history, background and present situations. Sundowning in contrast displays as confusion, disorientation, wandering, searching, escape behaviors, tapping or banging, vocalization, combativeness; the demons of anxiety, anger, fear, hallucinations and paranoia come out.
Protect yourself by documenting behaviors with recordings and/or cameras. Also, you don't say if this is your relative, but if she is, contact her doctor about the mood swings. Medications can be useful in these situations.
Get her to a geriatric psychiatrist ASAP. Sometimes an inpatient psych evaluation can be a godsend in stabilizing a dementia patient with violent and abusive tendencies.
Destroyed, are you the one who's been falsely arrested?
Whether it's you or another family member, though, I can imagine that you're not feeling too trusting where the police are concerned. And yet it's vital that you get the police involved so that they can help, instead of getting hold of the wrong end of the stick.
I don't know how your local police force is structured, of course, but I would guess that there is someone on the team who deals with domestic issues and family liaison. Why not call the police and ask who you should talk to? A constructive discussion that you've initiated could be really helpful.
It is very important that you get your loved one to a doctor and have them evaluated. Also have your POA papers and her diagnosis on had to show authorities. I she is violent are you able to place her in a dementia unit. If you can not afford it call your local Agency on Aging and ask for help.
I would have surveillance cameras installed in every room. Solves a LOT. If you're in the NY, NJ, CT area, I know a wonderful camera guy who's reasonably priced. Let me know.
My mother, with dementia and other serious health issues, is always telling people I exaggerate her health and diagnosis. She tells people that she was not very sick during the last hospitalization. She can't take in that she was unconscious and unresponsive for the best part of the day in the ER and in the room after admission. My friend and I both sat that whole long day wondering if she would regain consciousness..her dementia has been worse since this episode too. Her primary is not helpful at all. Mom is able to appear "with it" when she needs. I always get looked at sideways as overreacting. So hard to be the bad guy all the time. I am grateful for these posts about recording behavior! I hope you choose to do the same....this is excellent advise. Sending hugs for your journey down this road!
We went through that too and my heart goes out to you. My mother came to live with my family - unexpectedly because she had a series of mini-strokes and couldn't take care of herself. At the time we didn't know what was wrong with her until she was finally diagnosed by a neurologist and placed on Namenda to help with the Alzheimer's diagnoses. She kept saying she wanted to go home and her behavior became violent against my family members. She'd call the police and tell them we were keeping her here without her consent. As you are aware they will talk to her alone and someone will talk to the family member(s). Calmly explain to the police that your loved one has Dementia. They will understand. They have formalities they have to follow but they will be less alarmed when they call.
Also, talk to their family doctor. My mother's doctor prescribed her behavioral medicine that calmed her down. They can't help it. They are frightened. They know something is wrong, they know they are losing control of their minds and they don't want to be a burden on your family. It's a nightmare for them. She'd cry and apologize at night. It was so sad.
A light at the end of the tunnel.... One of the home health nurses told my mother she needed to move into assisted living where she could be among other seniors, have activities, a nice apartment of her own, etc. Once, my mother knew she wasn't going home she decided that's what she wanted to do and got excited about it. We found a great place eight minutes from our home and she settled in right away. It was amazing! And, she seems happy with her situation. Surrounded by her belongings and furniture. It gave her back control.
The manager explained that they find people who have early Alzheimer's or Dementia move into an independent assisted living facility they tend to become more independent again and get healthier. She immediately got used to their schedule, has her close group of friends and they were correct. We''ve even been able to have the doctor reduce the behavioral medicine - - slowly.
Good luck to you and your family. You have to make the right decisions for your parent and your family. I'm sure you will.
These comments are so helpful. I suppose I have been lucky in that no one I know has been arrested on account of confabulations, much less myself. I have not even been a primary victim. I have seen enough, however, to feel panicky just thinking about what could happen to others in my mother's life, in particular the cruelty, the injustice, the ingratitude as experienced by her caretaker. He rises above it all over and over, but how can it be anyone's duty to show wisdom, compassion and self-sacrifice over and over and over again? At his age! They met and fell in love when she was 80 and he was 81 a bit over ten years ago. They had very few good years, and he's so paying for them. He's just got out of rehab after an emergency hip replacement. Fortunately, my mother has been in a care home for almost a year but she absolutely hates him for putting her there as a last resort - though he continued to adore her. She even accused him of trying to rape her about a year ago -- she raised the issue only with me, and I could not bear to even tell him she said it. I think she just wanted to get him removed from their home (which he actually owns), so that she could return to drinking a bottle of wine a day instead of taking her meds for Alzheimer's, COPD and heart problems. Her verbal abuse of him was never ending, and I was so ashamed of her behavior, no matter what the cause. If she could have seen what she was to become, she would have been as appalled as I am. She once had a fine intellect. We do not live in the same country -- I have no legal right to live in the country where she chose to move over 40 years ago and her caretaker has her power of attorney. I have wanted to be helpful for so many years, but there's little I can offer except respite care, and with one week exception, he refused that offer as not in her best interest. He was right about that as during that one week she kept believing that I was his new girlfriend and that he was "dumping" her. I had to show her my passport to convince her I was her daughter not once but twice. She wants to return to the US, she says, to live with her mother and father (dead since the 1970s) in a house my grandparents sold before I was born in 1947. How have our lives come to this? I AM in therapy and it is not very helpful.
My son's MIL was given Oxycontin and became addicted. She was violent and publicly hit family members. Unfortunately she abandoned the entire family for the drug and died alone. Try to do an intervention with your loved one, with a professional in attendance.
Any issues my mother may have had with drinking are so trivial compared to her Alzheimer's issue. I just spoke to her on the telephone international long distance. She barely could manage the technology of the telephone. I think she knew who I was, but she seemed to think that I had left her a voice mail from Africa (never been to Africa, probably never will go there, it's such a tragic place). She kept talking about packing magazines and sewing. She just didn't track a topic. She's beyond confabulation now. How long can this go on?
Why on earth are you continuing to care for a woman who comes at you with knives! For your sake and your family's get her in a nursing home.
Why do we continue to believe people with dementia/Alzheimer's are playing with a full deck, ruining lives they touch? I would NEVER allow this type of violent behavior in my home no matter what they want to call it.
I have people telling me my mother looks great and doesn't seem to have dementia. What they don't know is she has one or two phrases she can use to answer their almost always same questions. After that, there's nothing in there. I don't even think there is FEELING in there.
Sometimes we become the enemy when we care for others with mental illness. It is important not to put yourself in harms way & I would think that there should be a Psychiatric Hospital to be involved instead of the police. Being a R.N. & having dealt with this in the past as a care giver for my husband with solvent dementia, I found the police inappropriate & unable to deal with the situation. The patient must be kept safe from harming them self. This is of utmost importance. DO NO HARM.
NANNY CAMS AND RECORERDES. Available everyehwere. I have dealwith this, document at what point during the day this happens, is sundowners, is she hungry ect. Yes there are meds that can calm them. Yes, there is a apoint of over medicating, as well as under medicating, yet, safety is number one. Get letter's from neighbores, Dr's ect, and have them given to thelocal police dept. As well, talk to you local area on aging for advise. Some do get more violent then other's, it can take very little to set them off. I always have cookies to calm her as well as meds. The fall risk is an issue to watch out for. Save your self, protect yourslf, and perhaps it is time to get her transitioned into a faclity.
My mother has not become violent, but the aide she has in the morning gets shouted at and accused of things on a regular basis. She leaves the romm, making sure mom is safe, comes back after awhile and it is like a new day, mom forgot. I guess it depends where they are in the disease process. As a geriatric nurse and daughter I think it is dangerous, overly stressful and in appropriate to keep a person (demented or not) in the home. It is not good for her either. You would all be safer and happier if you could find a facility for her, maybe see a gerontologist and see if meds would help. Good luck and please take care. The alzheimers association actually has a 24hour hotline. You can call and they will help you figure out how to handle anything that comes up. I have spoken with them many times and they are knowledgable and compassionate. google azlheimers asociation
Dear destroyed, I like the name you use. I am sorry you are using it in the past tense as this must mean that the damage has, ultimately, been done. I wish I could be more helpful to you. However, I can relate to your plight. My Dad & I were sitting in the driveway having just returned from church. He was still driving (badly) at the time. The conversation was normal for us, as conversations go. I don't remember what preceded it, but he suddenly looked at me, eyes glaring,and said, "Look, I know how to really hurt you if I want. I already have everything in place to destroy you!" I was so shocked & looked at him, thinking, "What could he possibly be thinking I did to him?" I mean, really, WHO SAYS THAT??? "What are you talking about?" I asked. He told me that he knew how to ruin me so I would be stripped of my nursing license, taken to jail, then put out on the street without any of my belongings (furniture, clothing, etc.) homeless, unable to ever work as a nurse again, with a criminal record, ostracized from my family, friends, peers, the police, and no one would believe me because he had a plan so cunning & well-thought out and he knew I was not capable of being more devious than he was, so I shouldn't try to. Can you believe that? My Dad & I have been close my entire life. I looked at this man and I said, "You are crazy! What is going on with you?" It was the first time he did anything like that. But, it wasn't the last. I was looking my Dad, but all I saw was EVIL! This someone else--not Dad! He would never, ever think to want to destroy me! To my horror, he tried to make good on his threat because he thought I was trying to have him diagnosed as "crazy." It got worse before it got better. I still don't know a good way to tell you to handle it. I say this little prayer every day & it helps a lot: Lord, remove anybody out of my life, that means me no good, serves me no purpose, and is not real & loyal. Bless me w/ the discernment to realize and give me strength to let go and not look back! Good luck to you! Take care of yourself! You have all my best! blou XOXOXOXOX!
My Dad and I carried small tape recorders with us for months because my Mom was threatening to call the cops. By the time she finally did, her symptoms were so pronounced we didn't need the tapes to prove who was having the problem. It's amazing how she could turn her symptoms on and off, depending who the audiance was. Hang in there. This is a long road.
To All, This life we live advocating, caring and fearing is not for the light hearted. I do think I could have never imagined all the issues I have had to deal with. As time passes, and sadly we see more and more of this, I hope we all can get some answers. I do know that the WHO, ( World Health Organization), is putting a lot of stock into the money and science related to this, more than the US.
This is a toll none of us could have ever been able to calender, organize or file time frames, in which this all becomes worse. I had a caregiver say to me recently, as you can see they can seem OK with others, yet, once the door closes the whole dynamic changes. The idea that they try to work harder around others, is intriguing to me. My mom knows how to just slide by, it is as if the challange gives them somthing to work toward. Does that make sense? So when she is with me she has no desiere to reach deeper in and act nice,respond fairly well, and seem normal. This disease moves like an under-current, it comes and goes, at times with little if any worning.
Document everything! Keep a detailed log & video whenever possible. Get an external hard drive to store your documentation. We MUST protect ourselves from the caregiver witch-hunt that is currently rampant in our society. Anonymous accusations are flying and taken seriously by those in APS & law enforcement whose incomes depend on those accusations. It is in their best financial interests to "investigate complaints" against us. It is job security for them. I for one refuse to be crucified for doing the right thing by my parent.
Oh yeah, some of these people with dementia, Alzheimer's, etc. I sometimes wonder just how 'demented' they actually are. Some are just continuing just what they were when younger and (supposedly) in their right minds. My own moo was good at making statements when I was still at home to cover her own narc rages at me. (before I left when I was 24) I think she is still doing it now as I caught her at it just a few weeks ago at the dentist. I think if I keep my cool, she will eventually hang herself as she did so long ago. cover your behind.
The former caretaker for my father-in-law, Jose, was frequently attacked, bruised, insulted and so on by his subsequent client. That man's wife was desperate to keep him out of a care home, so Jose endured until the man died of whatever his presenting illness was at home. What a nightmare. Jose was from another country and probably did not have a work permit. I assume Jose was afraid to leave his job no matter what. Jose had stopped working for my father-in-law because he could make more money working for the violent patient. My father-in-law had severe memory loss but only that -- he never was abusive to his caregiver, just weaker and weaker and weaker. Even after he stopped working with my late father-in-law, Jose would stop by and visit, supervise his successor caregivers who were less experienced and sometimes cook meals for the family. He refused compensation except for the cooking. That man was so kind to my mother-in-law and the rest of us. When people are hostile about illegal immigration, I wonder how more than one family would have managed without Jose. I think there are a lot of families in the U.S. who would be in even more desperate situations without illegal immigrants.
Confabulation is very common with those suffering from Alzheimer's. My husband lies about everything--to the point of ridiculousness. Has even blamed the cat for hiding his wallet, keys, and er....dirty socks! Goes with the disease. As long as it doesn't hurt a person I go along with it, but there comes a point when they do accuse others of abuse, kidnapping, taking their belongs, etc. Medical, legal and law enforcement should be aware of the traits of those suffering from dementia---but it is very difficult at times to distinguish real case scenerios. I would suggest caregivers inform area law enforcement of situations before a problem develops. Even though hubby gets furious when I make others aware that he has Alzheimer's, in the long run it is much easier. The neighbors, landscaper, plumber, grocer, clergy, etc. understand. When falsehoods and delusions come forth, they are much more accepting, helpful and tolerant. Please inform people upfront. People are more appreciative than we realize. Good luck. Wish you the very best. It might not be a bad idea to keep a daily journal of behavioral issues. Sometimes as caregivers we do not always see the seriousness of situations until the inevitable happens.
Everything you say is true, but some people are prepared to deny dementia cannot be cured, e.g. with herbal tea, and these same folk will sometimes accuse caregivers of "gas lighting" the person with dementia, that is, creating crazy-making situations in order to acquired something the caregiver is not entitled to from power to exclude others to money etc. etc. My mother's caregiver had to contend with people who had quite the brief against "Western medicine" and convinced my mother her caregiver and her doctors were her enemies. There are a lot of people like this in the world -- the anti-western medicine crowd. Some of them convinced my Type 1 diabetic son that he did not need insulin about nine years ago and he almost died. Now we are so grateful for his insulin pump and will be more even more grateful if the scientists come up with a cure. It could happen -- insulin has been available to diabetics for about 100 years -- at the beginning of the last century, children who had it died because they had no insulin to make glucose available to them. Perhaps Alzheimers will itself be just a memory before too long.
Also, check with your local Elder Abuse group, elder abuse goes both way and if you are hit or injured by this person, you may need to document these instances.
In Alzimer's psychology, confabulation (verb: confabulate) defined as: the production of fabricated, distorted or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world, without the conscious intention to deceive.
Confabulations are major concern because confabulations are likely to be believed and acted upon.
It is difficult for everyone to accept a mind is damaged by Alzheimer's Disease. Not only is memory damaged their ability to process thoughts and conversations is impaired.
Confabulations are a major annoyance and can be dangerous- when we the take everything in a discussion at face value. Confabulating is very frequently observed in people with Alzheimer's information that is blatantly false yet are coherent, internally consistent, and appear relatively normal.
IMCO, if a person has dementia, Alzheimer's, assume they are confabulating and do not take what they say as face value. Validate You can not assume what they say because it is coherent, internally consistent, and appears relatively normal.
I have a printed copy of this in the File-of-Life envelope on my fridge to EMT;s along with MOLST, health care proxy and med information.
One observation is that Sunrise Syndrome is different from Sundowning because the person may wake up in a confabulation mind set. During a Sunrise Syndrome conversation with the content may filled with confabulations; verbal statements and/or actions that inaccurately describe history, background and present situations.
Sundowning in contrast displays as confusion, disorientation, wandering, searching, escape behaviors, tapping or banging, vocalization, combativeness; the demons of anxiety, anger, fear, hallucinations and paranoia come out.
Whether it's you or another family member, though, I can imagine that you're not feeling too trusting where the police are concerned. And yet it's vital that you get the police involved so that they can help, instead of getting hold of the wrong end of the stick.
I don't know how your local police force is structured, of course, but I would guess that there is someone on the team who deals with domestic issues and family liaison. Why not call the police and ask who you should talk to? A constructive discussion that you've initiated could be really helpful.
Also, talk to their family doctor. My mother's doctor prescribed her behavioral medicine that calmed her down. They can't help it. They are frightened. They know something is wrong, they know they are losing control of their minds and they don't want to be a burden on your family. It's a nightmare for them. She'd cry and apologize at night. It was so sad.
A light at the end of the tunnel.... One of the home health nurses told my mother she needed to move into assisted living where she could be among other seniors, have activities, a nice apartment of her own, etc. Once, my mother knew she wasn't going home she decided that's what she wanted to do and got excited about it. We found a great place eight minutes from our home and she settled in right away. It was amazing! And, she seems happy with her situation. Surrounded by her belongings and furniture. It gave her back control.
The manager explained that they find people who have early Alzheimer's or Dementia move into an independent assisted living facility they tend to become more independent again and get healthier. She immediately got used to their schedule, has her close group of friends and they were correct. We''ve even been able to have the doctor reduce the behavioral medicine - - slowly.
Good luck to you and your family. You have to make the right decisions for your parent and your family. I'm sure you will.
Why do we continue to believe people with dementia/Alzheimer's are playing with a full deck, ruining lives they touch? I would NEVER allow this type of violent behavior in my home no matter what they want to call it.
I have people telling me my mother looks great and doesn't seem to have dementia. What they don't know is she has one or two phrases she can use to answer their almost always same questions. After that, there's nothing in there. I don't even think there is FEELING in there.
It is important not to put yourself in harms way & I would think that there should be a Psychiatric Hospital to be involved instead of the police.
Being a R.N. & having dealt with this in the past as a care giver for my husband with solvent dementia, I found the police inappropriate & unable to deal with the situation.
The patient must be kept safe from harming them self. This is of utmost importance. DO NO HARM.
Best Jazmine!!!
Good luck and please take care. The alzheimers association actually has a 24hour hotline. You can call and they will help you figure out how to handle anything that comes up. I have spoken with them many times and they are knowledgable and compassionate. google azlheimers asociation
This life we live advocating, caring and fearing is not for the light hearted.
I do think I could have never imagined all the issues I have had to deal with. As time passes, and sadly we see more and more of this, I hope we all can get some answers. I do know that the WHO, ( World Health Organization), is putting a lot of stock into the money and science related to this, more than the US.
This is a toll none of us could have ever been able to calender, organize or file time frames, in which this all becomes worse. I had a caregiver say to me recently, as you can see they can seem OK with others, yet, once the door closes the whole dynamic changes. The idea that they try to work harder around others, is intriguing to me. My mom knows how to just slide by, it is as if the challange gives them somthing to work toward. Does that make sense?
So when she is with me she has no desiere to reach deeper in and act nice,respond fairly well, and seem normal. This disease moves like an under-current, it comes and goes, at times with little if any worning.
Thanks for Listening, Jazmine1,Best to all!!!
We MUST protect ourselves from the caregiver witch-hunt that is currently rampant in our society. Anonymous accusations are flying and taken seriously by those in APS & law enforcement whose incomes depend on those accusations. It is in their best financial interests to "investigate complaints" against us. It is job security for them.
I for one refuse to be crucified for doing the right thing by my parent.
My own moo was good at making statements when I was still at home to cover her own narc rages at me. (before I left when I was 24)
I think she is still doing it now as I caught her at it just a few weeks ago at the dentist.
I think if I keep my cool, she will eventually hang herself as she did so long ago.
cover your behind.
two cents ¢¢