How to explain to police that woman with dementia is violent (biting, wielding knives, etc.) and tells lies about being abused. The abuse is actually from her. False arrests.
When my cousin was reported for abuse because she didn't hear my uncle calling her all night when he fell.... She put him in assistant living right away. I have a messed up family and a spiteful brother who has a wife that I don't get along with and the last time my mother was in the hospital for something that could not be my fault in anyway, my brother was investigation like a detective to try to make it my fault!!! The doctor kept reassuring me that it wasn't my fault and I told him, "I know, why do you keep telling me this?" He told me my brother brother was very suspicious of me and I told him I think my brother is trying to make his evil wife happy anyway he can. I take very good care of my mother. But I think the doctor was trying to warn me so I told my brother off and told him I will refuse to take care of my mother and never do this again because I will put her in assistant living and say goodbye all her money. He shut up real fast. FAMILY!!!!!
The police were very professional and assured me that they did not believe anything my husband was saying. His behavior said it all They recommended medical transport which he did He got the medical attention he needed.
Cameras and recording items, even your phone, are very important and helpful when needed. Especially, when trying to convince the doctors of what you are saying is true. YES, they are on their best behavior with them. I think everyone should have this service we do--Our sheriff's dept. has a bracelet /gps tracking device, free, and a program that does - check-up calls daily on elderly/disabled/sick/living alone. They have a 100% recovery rate of finding those that get lost. They should also have on record a document, preferably from the doctor, that the person has dementia, Alzheimers', or other mental conditions that does or can include violence. This is for your protection as much as the patients. I knew a lady with Alz. that called 911 regularly saying there was a strange man in her house (husband). The police were able to detect quickly she was sick. BUT, some patients are GREAT actors, and fairly new cops are a little in-experienced as to how to recognize a mental illness. These are all good tips above. I learned the hard way, I trusted everyone and didn't cover my own "b", never thought I'd need to. But the demons in the sick one, and family come out in this field. Wish u well.
As a physician, I can't tell you how helpful it is to have short videos of typical behavior (I'm rehab, usually gait patterns or using equipment they can't bring in rather than acting out) when patients won't display it in clinic. Some docs don't welcome this and won't watch cell phone videos, so you might want to ask first, but I'll tell you I don't ever refuse. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a video is worth a million or two.
My mother was diagnosed with denentia & a brain injury from a car accident, were the air bag caused bleading of the brain. Mom would get aggresive an mean, but l don't remember her being any different, when l was a kid, so it seemed pretty easy to get past that behavio, she didn't like me ehen l was kid, so all l had to do was take care of her...it seemed to work. l have to say though, after 4yrs, l think all the negative talk about me, sunk into my spirit. l still struggle with it today,so be aware. l thought it didn't bother me, her abusive talk an dislike for me, as she would say your no daughter of mine, you are not my kind of people. She never knew me as her kid, she said l was nothing more than the hired help, an over paid at that. But she said l could stay, as she liked my cooking. I gave my all for over 4yrs. an at the end of life mom said l was her best friend an she loved me an wanted to go were ever l go. l told her the same, she was my best friend and l loved her an would take care of her forever an walk her to heavens door, an did. All l am saying is that l didn't realize the damage that it did to me. Consequently, l still struggle with depression. So l hope you all are aware of the things that can go wrong as an ONLY caregiver. I never had down time, mom never slept, aways working, never peaceful. So as Caregivers, l hope you all understand the importance of doing a difficult job as a Caregiver and take care of yourself, an no the importance of that. If this helps any of you trying to be an only caregiver, l will be blessed.💝
My dad had this problem with my mom. The sheriff called me and wanted to know what’s up? And that’s what precipitated the family to first have my mother evaluated at a mental health facility and then moving my mother to an AL home. My mother and dad are right now spending the afternoon like two kids courting in that nice AL. My mom needed some medication for her depression and for her moderate dementia. In one month she’s gone from a homicidal manic to a lamb. Until sundown she’ll be her old self with my dad. He’ll head home before it gets dark. They’ve been married 66 years.
We installed audio/video recording equipment, some visible, some hidden...with real time feed to our Iphones on demand. We could monitor caregivers activities and know what they actually were doing. We caught a few things...including a surprise inspection withouta warrant by APS
Dad is on file "Dementia Alert" with our local police after he was found wandering at night with no shoes on. I record everything on my iPhone. I document happy moments, singing and laughing as well as the moments of confusion and anger. I feel for you, he told people we stole his money! Hang in there.
My mother in law was intentionally trying to drive me out of “her house”. It was her house...but she had invited us, (her son and I) to care fir her in her home. She would get a burr under her blanket and call the police on me to try to get me removed. I would show them my co-guardian paperwork from the judge, asked the officer to call her doctor or my attorney. I had my own children on speed dial in case I needed to ask for bail... I was attacked twice, and I have permanent damage to my right hand because of being struck across the back of my hand with her cane. Both times I CALLED the police to ensure HER ACTIONS were documented and I made her estate pay my medical bills. My husband thought his sweet mother was not capable of these behaviors, blamed me for doing something wrong...until the police officer was nearly assaulted while I was barricaded in my bedroom while my husband was at work. The police talked to my husband and told him his mother WAS VIOLENT with caregivers other than him. For about 18 months, I was an indirect caregiver. I refused all unsupervised contact with my MIL,and I refused to handle her medications. Then I could not be accused of maltreatment.
My husband was upset and put out, and we nearly divorced over his mother. She finally mellowed and her antipathy toward women in her home subsided; it was evidently rooted in her own insecurities and having a female family member lure her husband into an affair. In her mind, my husband was HER HUSBAND, sometimes...and I was the “intruder”.
Document, document, document...file police reports. And at some point, if it gets bad enough, be prepared to walk away, and let others discover the problem independently. Critics get silenced quickly when the problem becomes THEIRS.
Check online--there are documented cases of professional guardians taking elders out of their homes and disposing of their belongings, and putting them in facilities that they have connections with. There was a recent article in New Yorker magazine on an abuse in Arizona. Really scary. Hopefully not common, but ??
My mother in law attacked me when I was locking the front door, hit me several times with her cane. I pushed her away to protect myself and stop the attack. I was injured and have peemanent damage to my writing hand now. $1500 ER visit.
My husband flipped out when I went upstairs to get him to help get his mother up off the floor. She was combative and told me not to touch her, so I respected that. My husband was angry with me, blamed me, and used the incident to file for a divorce and have me court ordered out of the home...his mother’s house...without financial support.
I was treated as if I had done something wrong. I was attacked from behind with a weapon! Jeeze! I think my response was quite restrained. But she milked it for all it was worth. But I was fortunate in that our next door neighbor, my best friend, was aware of these problems. She helped me get home ftom the hospital, gave me a place to stay for the first night, and supported me filing a police report for the assault and having pictures taken. The injuries were NOT MINOR. I had ligament damage and the arm had to be splinted. I could not write or use the hand for two weeks.
My husband had to come to terms with a new reality...that his mother was also mentally ill and violent without warning. She tried to hit him and threatened him with her cane on several occasions for him to see, yes, it WAS HER, not me. We saved our marriage but we seperated for several months, and I returned with the understanding that I was not going to have primary caregiving or unsupervised contact with her anymore...i refused to leave myself open to that accusation ever again.
I record everything on my iPhone. I document happy moments, singing and laughing as well as the moments of confusion and anger.
I feel for you, he told people we stole his money! Hang in there.
I was attacked twice, and I have permanent damage to my right hand because of being struck across the back of my hand with her cane. Both times I CALLED the police to ensure HER ACTIONS were documented and I made her estate pay my medical bills. My husband thought his sweet mother was not capable of these behaviors, blamed me for doing something wrong...until the police officer was nearly assaulted while I was barricaded in my bedroom while my husband was at work.
The police talked to my husband and told him his mother WAS VIOLENT with caregivers other than him.
For about 18 months, I was an indirect caregiver. I refused all unsupervised contact with my MIL,and I refused to handle her medications. Then I could not be accused of maltreatment.
My husband was upset and put out, and we nearly divorced over his mother. She finally mellowed and her antipathy toward women in her home subsided; it was evidently rooted in her own insecurities and having a female family member lure her husband into an affair. In her mind, my husband was HER HUSBAND, sometimes...and I was the “intruder”.
Document, document, document...file police reports. And at some point, if it gets bad enough, be prepared to walk away, and let others discover the problem independently. Critics get silenced quickly when the problem becomes THEIRS.
My husband flipped out when I went upstairs to get him to help get his mother up off the floor. She was combative and told me not to touch her, so I respected that. My husband was angry with me, blamed me, and used the incident to file for a divorce and have me court ordered out of the home...his mother’s house...without financial support.
I was treated as if I had done something wrong. I was attacked from behind with a weapon! Jeeze! I think my response was quite restrained. But she milked it for all it was worth. But I was fortunate in that our next door neighbor, my best friend, was aware of these problems. She helped me get home ftom the hospital, gave me a place to stay for the first night, and supported me filing a police report for the assault and having pictures taken. The injuries were NOT MINOR. I had ligament damage and the arm had to be splinted. I could not write or use the hand for two weeks.
My husband had to come to terms with a new reality...that his mother was also mentally ill and violent without warning. She tried to hit him and threatened him with her cane on several occasions for him to see, yes, it WAS HER, not me. We saved our marriage but we seperated for several months, and I returned with the understanding that I was not going to have primary caregiving or unsupervised contact with her anymore...i refused to leave myself open to that accusation ever again.