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How to explain to police that woman with dementia is violent (biting, wielding knives, etc.) and tells lies about being abused. The abuse is actually from her.
False arrests.

My mother, with dementia and other serious health issues, is always telling people I exaggerate her health and diagnosis. She tells people that she was not very sick during the last hospitalization. She can't take in that she was unconscious and unresponsive for the best part of the day in the ER and in the room after admission. My friend and I both sat that whole long day wondering if she would regain consciousness..her dementia has been worse since this episode too. Her primary is not helpful at all. Mom is able to appear "with it" when she needs. I always get looked at sideways as overreacting. So hard to be the bad guy all the time. I am grateful for these posts about recording behavior! I hope you choose to do the same....this is excellent advise. Sending hugs for your journey down this road!
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Reply to chrisblair63
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Why on earth are you continuing to care for a woman who comes at you with knives! For your sake and your family's get her in a nursing home.

Why do we continue to believe people with dementia/Alzheimer's are playing with a full deck, ruining lives they touch? I would NEVER allow this type of violent behavior in my home no matter what they want to call it.

I have people telling me my mother looks great and doesn't seem to have dementia. What they don't know is she has one or two phrases she can use to answer their almost always same questions. After that, there's nothing in there. I don't even think there is FEELING in there.
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Reply to Litldogtoo
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I am sure you will hear better answers, but there are very small recording devices available. Some look like key fobs & some like pens. Record her behaviour. I would think her doctor would be helpful. I cannot speak from this exact type of experience, but I like to believe that she has been seen & evaluated by a doctor who might be able to provide guidance. Perhaps the doctor has seen her exhibit this behaviour? Does she have a difficult time being 'good' in public or those she might want to hide this behaviour from? You will get better suggestions from people with more experience than I. The recording device is something we wished we had purchased and used. Hindsight being 20/20.
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Reply to HarpnJack
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If the local police are worth their salt, they will figure out what's going on. Our mother drove over to the local police dept and filed a report that my older brother had shoved her and broke her back. They "got" what was going on, took the report and that was all. I did feel bad that there is a report with my brother's name stating "Elder Abuse". At this point, my sister and I were in the process of obtaining guardianship. Once we got legal assistance, we took her car away, got mother into assisted living, on correct meds, and she is now on an even keel. BTW we also used a recording device from time to time, just in case we had to prove ourselves to the judge.
Also, check with your local Elder Abuse group, elder abuse goes both way and if you are hit or injured by this person, you may need to document these instances.
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Reply to mgcarter
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We went through that too and my heart goes out to you. My mother came to live with my family - unexpectedly because she had a series of mini-strokes and couldn't take care of herself. At the time we didn't know what was wrong with her until she was finally diagnosed by a neurologist and placed on Namenda to help with the Alzheimer's diagnoses. She kept saying she wanted to go home and her behavior became violent against my family members. She'd call the police and tell them we were keeping her here without her consent. As you are aware they will talk to her alone and someone will talk to the family member(s). Calmly explain to the police that your loved one has Dementia. They will understand. They have formalities they have to follow but they will be less alarmed when they call.

Also, talk to their family doctor. My mother's doctor prescribed her behavioral medicine that calmed her down. They can't help it. They are frightened. They know something is wrong, they know they are losing control of their minds and they don't want to be a burden on your family. It's a nightmare for them. She'd cry and apologize at night. It was so sad.

A light at the end of the tunnel.... One of the home health nurses told my mother she needed to move into assisted living where she could be among other seniors, have activities, a nice apartment of her own, etc. Once, my mother knew she wasn't going home she decided that's what she wanted to do and got excited about it. We found a great place eight minutes from our home and she settled in right away. It was amazing! And, she seems happy with her situation. Surrounded by her belongings and furniture. It gave her back control.

The manager explained that they find people who have early Alzheimer's or Dementia move into an independent assisted living facility they tend to become more independent again and get healthier. She immediately got used to their schedule, has her close group of friends and they were correct. We''ve even been able to have the doctor reduce the behavioral medicine - - slowly.

Good luck to you and your family. You have to make the right decisions for your parent and your family. I'm sure you will.
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Reply to caryncaresmom75
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Get her to a geriatric psychiatrist ASAP. Sometimes an inpatient psych evaluation can be a godsend in stabilizing a dementia patient with violent and abusive tendencies.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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When she is wielding a knife, you call 911. If you can't do that, you are Co-dependent and need some counseling.
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Reply to pamstegma
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《《《《Group hug》》》》
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Dear destroyed, I like the name you use. I am sorry you are using it in the past tense as this must mean that the damage has, ultimately, been done. I wish I could be more helpful to you. However, I can relate to your plight. My Dad & I were sitting in the driveway having just returned from church. He was still driving (badly) at the time. The conversation was normal for us, as conversations go. I don't remember what preceded it, but he suddenly looked at me, eyes glaring,and said, "Look, I know how to really hurt you if I want. I already have everything in place to destroy you!" I was so shocked & looked at him, thinking, "What could he possibly be thinking I did to him?" I mean, really, WHO SAYS THAT??? "What are you talking about?" I asked. He told me that he knew how to ruin me so I would be stripped of my nursing license, taken to jail, then put out on the street without any of my belongings (furniture, clothing, etc.) homeless, unable to ever work as a nurse again, with a criminal record, ostracized from my family, friends, peers, the police, and no one would believe me because he had a plan so cunning & well-thought out and he knew I was not capable of being more devious than he was, so I shouldn't try to. Can you believe that? My Dad & I have been close my entire life. I looked at this man and I said, "You are crazy! What is going on with you?" It was the first time he did anything like that. But, it wasn't the last. I was looking my Dad, but all I saw was EVIL! This someone else--not Dad! He would never, ever think to want to destroy me! To my horror, he tried to make good on his threat because he thought I was trying to have him diagnosed as "crazy." It got worse before it got better. I still don't know a good way to tell you to handle it. I say this little prayer every day & it helps a lot: Lord, remove anybody out of my life, that means me no good, serves me no purpose, and is not real & loyal. Bless me w/ the discernment to realize and give me strength to let go and not look back! Good luck to you! Take care of yourself! You have all my best! blou XOXOXOXOX!
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Reply to bloujeanbaby
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Wow, just looked at some of this recently and I really am astounded at how nasty some people get when they do not actually know the others here. Granted sometimes people seem just plain crazy and that's the internet for you. But I assume that we are all here for helpful -H-E-L-P-F-U-L - input. Not just here but on another post a woman who asked a question seemed to be judged, convicted and hung when others assumed she was doing something illegal. Or others just cannot relate because a similar thing never actually happened to them. Other people are not US, so while we may not 'get it' we are here to try to help and empathize. It is not necessary that we have actually been in their shoes to try to really help and not judge. Having a truly evil mother, I know how dangerous a person like her can be. People throw around the word narcissist all over the place, but really, though some folks have narcissistic qualities, most people are not truly narcissists. Those who are border on being criminal in some of their behavior and there is an evil thing that comes from deep inside of them. So if you have not had a person like this in your life, do not assume someone else couldn't possibly either and then jump all over them when they are struggling for answers. A narcissist who now has dementia is a dangerous entity potentially when it comes to reporting flat out lies that can get a well meaning caregiver in trouble. It took me most of my life to get that my mother does NOT and never did love me; she uses people for narcissistic supply and I am the one who doesn't give her anything but a vacuum so she wants to ruin me. I stay far away geographically from her. I have to. But if she needed to be cared for, kept warm and dry, etc. I would see that she was. I would never, though, go through the mental gyrations of 'well, after all, she IS my MOTHER' and then fall for the fantasy of what having had a real mother is like. That is a boomerang that could hit me right in the face. So if this is what you are dealing with, truly, toughen up, don't be so hard on yourself and do NOT put yourself in a position of danger by being falsely accused by a vindictive crazy person.
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Reply to ohreally51
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