My older sister has been living with and caring for our mom for the past 6 years. I live 5 hours away and don't visit nearly enough but work full time and have an elderly mother in law nearby who needs someone close (we don't live together). My own mother has advanced COPD, is 80 years old and weighs about 90 pounds. She has a history of psychiatric issues, which have only been exacerbated as she has grown older. She is mostly of sound mind, but her memory is going and she is incredibly manipulative and very very good at it. She always was manipulative but has reached "Jedi" status now. She won't consider even putting her name down for extended care and my sister is burnt out. I can't bear to see my mother destroy my sister. I have asked my mother to consider putting her name down in a facility closer to me so I can help with the care. Even then, there is at least a 6 month waiting list for a good place so it's not an immediate change. I am now "the evil mean child trying to kick an old lady out of her home and lock her away". I swear I'm not, I just want her to be in a good extended care home when the time comes, and it not be a crisis situation. I would also like to help. My mother has personal support workers come in for a half hour each day, she has terrorized most of them, afterwards she "can't remember it" and is all "sweetness and light" when asked about it. She won't allow a hired respite caregiver to come in to help. The long and short of it is, my sister is exhausted and my mom doesn't seem to care, even if you bring it up. Mom is mentally well enough that she isn't incompetent although her memory is a little rusty. What can we do? I would appreciate any suggestions. Mom doesn't have a lot of people around her, she's driven most people away.