How many times per month should a son call his parents?

Since he is a pastor, he should set a good example and call at least once a week. But that is just my opinion and I don't know the circumstances.

CC, I understand your frustration, but I also think you're right to let this one go. It's a pity that your brother doesn't grasp the point of contacting your parents more frequently - not to mention the advantage of getting into a routine while your parents are still able benefit from it - but if he doesn't, he doesn't and rack your brains as you might you will not find a way to change his mind. It is, as you've already understood, a hiding to nothing.

Actually. There is one thing: as your parents' faculties deteriorate, he is going to need to up the frequency. If he continues to leave six week gaps then there will come a point where they won't be able to enjoy his calls at all because they won't be part of their routine - they'll just be a disruption. Something for him to ponder, not for you to worry about.

If he is a pastor he is going against his own doctrine. It is written that the Christian who does not care for his own family is worse than a non-believer. Sometimes religious people see their church as their family, and your brother also has quite a large family where he is to tend to. Still a call every week or two wouldn't be too much for anyone, no matter how busy.

With my brothers I encourage, but I take the stance that their relationship with my mother is between her and them. We're not a close family, so I understand things. I also know they take good care of their wives, children, and grandchildren, so I cut them some slack in my mind. I do not have the pulls on my life that they have on theirs.

As I had mentioned above, I need to call my parents once a day [if I don't see them to make a delivery] otherwise they would think I was kidnapped. If the phone calls were enjoyable I wouldn't mind, but mainly Dad and I will have long gaps of silence. And that is understandable as every day is Ground Hog day in my parents life, or Dad will start on a story I heard 100 times already about how he know someone is stealing their mail [no one is stealing their mail]. Thus, it also depends on the routine conversations if one calls daily or not.

If I call my parents house and my Mom answers, I will get a "hello".... Hi Mom.... "hello".... Mom it's FreqFlyer..... "hello, guess no one is there" and she hangs up. Mom is almost deaf and hearing aids don't help :(

I say he should not call but save his pennies to get his butt on a bus and go see them for an extended time, in person! The wife can hold down the fort for 2 weeks.

We've already had a stand-off over this, so I was just wanting to see what answers I would get to a general question. He has argued back to me. So I've let it go so I won't get angry and have the anger come out on someone else (as had been happening). He's busy with his family (wife, four grown kids, eight grandkids) and his work (Christian pastor, hospice clergy) (ha). Thank you for your input.

ccflorida, you can tell your brother how your parents enjoy his calls and encourage him to call every week. It is what I did with my brothers. I know that their calls mean a lot to my mother. My brothers don't call every week, but when I send them a friendly message to remember to call, they do. Sons may not realize how much it means to parents to hear their voices and know they care. I don't press my brothers to call. I just let them know how much my mother enjoys hearing from them.

I'm 600 miles from my folks and I call every day to check on them. They're alone, still in their home and they have no one else.

There is no estrangement. They gave and were good parents. Now, when phone calls mean so much to them, I think he should call them weekly and I've told him so. He thinks he's doing fine by calling every six weeks or so.

60? 4? 1?

Lots of variables here. In some circumstances perhaps he shouldn't call at all. In others he might want (and Mom and Dad might like) a daily contact or even more.

Are they estranged? Do they have a close, loving relationship? Can the parents hear well and carry on a comfortable conversation on the phone?

Does he send notes and cards? Do the parents enjoy that as much as a call?

There is no "should" based on the little your said. Would you like to provide more background. For instance, why has this question come up?

Whenever he wants to or feels he needs to. I would go for once a week, maybe on Sunday afternoon or sometime similar. They'll look forward to the time that way.

There is no magical number of times one should call.... it all depends on the relationship of everyone involved.

My parents, who are in their 90's, get anxious if I don't call them at least once a day and we live in the same town.