Mom lives with myself and my husband. She loses money that she gets out of the bank by other family members taking her to the bank. This happens every week. Most of the time we don't even know she has the money, much less how much. When she can't find the money she accuses us of stealing the money and gets very angry. The same thing happens with her losing her debit card. She does not want us to keep these items for her. She keeps saying she can handle it. Should we continue to let her keep the money and card in her possession or should we keep them for her? It is nerve wreaking when she loses it and the house is turned upside down.
I had to do this with several things with my mom and she got very angry, but eventually after time she just let go.
A little humor for you...my aunt told me a story about when my grandmother with alzheimers lived with her. My grandmother would say ‘Have you seen that woman that comes through the house? (Which was my aunt) ‘Well she’s been taking my things!’ My aunt whispered back to her “Well, when she goes to sleep, you and I will take all of it back!” It made my grandmother giggle and say “ok!”
I hope something good happens to you tomorrow.
As a bank employee many decades ago, I remember a bag of stinking damp bank notes brought in to be counted. It had been found in a deceasd elder's house (stuffed in a hole in a wall, in a tin). More under the bed, hidden in the bed, lots of places.
Unfortunately most of the notes were too soiled to be legal (needing two serial numbers). These were paper notes, unlike the plastic we now have. Only a few hundred dollars were salvaged from the thousands.
Was it being saved for the rainy day that never came? Being hid from robbers? Hidden by someone with dementia? Never knew.
I would go on a little treasure hunt with Mom in the house.... the 'faeries' may have been hiding it & you may get lucky & find it back!
I'd be stopping the helpful family bank escorts instantly. They may be helpful, but just maybe could be the 'faeries' on to a good thing 🤔
Pocket money only for Mom now, no ATM cards. Hard but necessary.
If you have damaged paper currency, don't assume it is "worthless". The Bureau of Engraving and Printing (BEP) has a "Mutilated Currency Division" in which it will receive this currency, and investigate as to whether the individual notes can be replaced. Apparently, their "detective work" is very proficient in identifying money that has suffered a wide range of calamities, such as fire, decay, etc. and can often identify and then replace money believed to be damaged beyond the point of no return. In general, the staff there either need to see at least half of the note or, if less than half, then be satisfied that the remainder of the note has been destroyed. In addition, paper money that has been contaminated with dangerous substances can also be packaged and sent for replacement. The BEP website (www.bep.gov or www.moneyfactory.gov) provides further information. Disturb the currency as little as possible before sending it (that is, don't try to force the notes apart if many are tightly stuck together--let the professionals do it).
Notes that clearly have more than half of the original (or if in pieces, the pieces together make up more than half), and on which the printing is clearly recognizable, can be replaced at a bank and don't need to be sent to the BEP.
I had a conversation with the bank manager about options. Some were to open another account with only a small amount of money in it. I also had the option of limiting the amount of cash that could be withdrawn on a debit card. I had to take away her checkbook and debit card after I placed her in an AL.
I actually didn’t have to deal with setting up a different account because she declined so quickly. One of the things I was worried about however, was having those larger cash withdrawals scrutinized by Medicaid in the future. She was taking out 500 or so sometimes and that money was never accounted for. So I want to insure that everything is transparent and paid for with a check and a corresponding bill or receipt. So I actually never have withdrawn cash from my mother’s account with a debit card.
When she had good moments there were many arguments and accusations. But I had to be firm and stand my ground. If she is in your house you may set the rule to be “we don’t allow cash in our house because we don’t want to tempt thieves” or something along those lines. Good luck!
It maybe time to place Mom in an AL if she has the money. Then you can request that she not be taken out of the facility without your permission. I was asked for a list of people that could take Mom out. She will need no money in an AL.
Could you possible "trick" her with fake money? If she's not spending her real money maybe you could just keep her happy with the fake stuff you can buy at novelty stores.
Alas we had many great pocketbook hunts 😆 Tile App and fanny pack your new best friend
Who is her POA? Who has control of the "accounts".
She should have only a small personal account if "other family members" are taking her to the bank. Clearly she is no longer competent to handle her finances. A debit card for such a senior is VERY VERY dangerous in that credit card expenses can be dealt with on a monthly basis, but debit will likely NOT be forgiven.
Whomever has POA should take over all finances, and should keep meticulous records of all cash in and all cash out on a monthly basis, records that would hold up in court. Good luck. Wishing you the best.
See All Answers