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Pray. Pray for Jehovah Jireh ( God supplies ) to help you gain more patience and understanding.
It has worked for me for many decades under very stressful situations.
Contact Focus on the Family with recourses to help you. https://www.focusonthefamily.com
or in Canada https://www.focusonthefamily.ca
They have free counselling to get you in contact with agencies that will help you.
Best of luck with a difficult situation. Remember that you're doing the best you can in terms of patience. Nobody is a saint, so try not to be too hard on yourself, ok?
Whatever condition she has, being better informed will help you deal with it.
You are losing your wife slowly it seems. Know that this ongoing ambiguous loss needs to be grieved. I am sorry both of you are going through this.
Complex answer - Whatever health challenges you and your wife are handling, please don't try to go it alone. Her health care needs must be met - but your needs must be met as well. Get more helpers so you have time to sleep 7-9 hours every day, eat 3 healthy meals at a reasonable pace, time to get your health needs met, and "time off" so you can relax and even enjoy something fun.
All these questions have already been asked. If you answer 'yes' to any of them, then you need some help at home with your wife.
Bring in some outside professional caregiving services to help out.
You have to still have some kind of life for yourself that doesn't include your wife and taking care of her. A caregiver's patience level drops quick if they enjoy nothing for themselves and have no life outside of caregiving for someone.
Hire some homecare services. Get some help for your wife. Then take some time for yourself do some activities that you enjoy with the peace of mind that your wife is being taken care of.
You will see your patience with her will increase when you're taking time to get away from the caregiving role.
In my experience caregiving for my in-laws before they moved to indy living and while my MIL was still alive, there were things for which I had all the patience in the world while not for other things. Ask yourself if you really need to be the person doing the things for which you seek more patience and understanding. You do not have to do it all!
I saw your recommdationf for the poem..
I:ll look it up too.
I am caring for mother wit vascular or mixed dementia... Kept falling but insisted on only using a cane.. Fell in April.... Became incontinent and unable to walk or stand..
On hospice now
How would you want to be treated ? How would you like someone to be towards you if you were stubborn or asked questions again and again , or lost control of your bladder , or fell ill ? Do that .
That helped me tremendously when my grandmother started to slip. I hope it works for you .
While deteriorating could be physically, it more likely refers to some kind of cognitive decline - those are the ones that tend to try our patience!
I do agree that knowledge is important. During the good and better times, find time to learn all you can. Being aware of what's happening and perhaps why is helpful. Having ideas about how to deflect those not so happy times can get both OP and wife through some of the difficulties (redirecting, refocusing, not correcting or criticizing or reminding, taking a deep breath and, if possible, a break when those moments happen are some of the many ways WE can learn to cope.) Learning these "tricks" along with learning to "live" her reality (so long as it doesn't involve anything unsafe!) are useful tools to have in our pockets.