My father is 78, he lives alone. He has had several falls, broken bones and just had an aortic blockage cleared. He drinks and we feel is addicted to pain and anxiety meds. He is also diabetic, has a pacemaker and liver disease. He is going back home soon after a short stay in a rehab facility after his last procedure. He refuses home health care and doesn't want anyone staying with him. My brothers and I help do his grocery shopping and clean his house. We check on him daily. Everytime he needs to go to emergency the staff looks at us like we're monsters for "letting" him live alone. We don't know what to do and don't want to be accused of neglect. He's very mentally stable and sharp so he is of sound mind. We feel stuck and frustrated.

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What would happen if you and your siblings refused to pick him up from the rehab?
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Mamie, sometimes we need to step back to see that we are enabling our parent to continue to live alone. My parents were also stubborn. Oh how I wished I knew about this website years ago, I would have set boundaries at the very beginning.

Why should Dad pay for help when he has you and your siblings getting his groceries, cleaning his house, and I bet doing his laundry, taking him to doctor appointments, to the barber, shopping, doing yard work, etc.

If you want Dad to start hiring help, cut back on what you do for him. I know it won't be easy, but better to start now then wait until he needs 24/7 care and still is refusing outside help that he can afford.

Ok, now is your chance. Your Dad is in rehab and the social worker will be asking if Dad goes home will there be someone there to take care of him all day. Time to say "NO". This might be THE time to let Dad know he needs to have a caregiver there to help him. Tell him he has no choice. Unless you and the siblings want to take turns being there 8 hours a day.
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