We put her in a home yesterday, on my birthday, it was horrible,a blood curdling scream,her fist to her mouth,It was a nightmare we need help dealing with this?are there any free services in north vancouver? Please help us.
I'm so sorry you and your sister had to go through that. That you all have to go through this. Many of us have been there and it is horrible.
The facility is likely to have a social worker on staff. Get in touch with him/her and talk to her about what you're going through. My dad's facility had a great social worker. She was overworked and it was hard to get her to do things but she was sweet and a great listener, always willing to help. We talked to her off and on throughout my dad's stay at the facility.
These first few days and weeks will be very difficult for your mom and for you. It's a huge adjustment for everyone. Your mom may be angry, may blame you and your sister. Just keep loving her and don't doubt that you did the right thing. Your profile has no information on your mom so I don't know if she has dementia but if she does she may begin to tell wild stories about abuse and being the victim of theft. Since she has dementia her word can't be believed so try not to react to every little thing she says. Of course, none of this may happen at all.
I know how difficult it is. I put my dad in a facility as well and while it was best for him, my heart still breaks when I think of it.
Why do people post things like "I would never" on posts where people have had to do the very thing that person would never do? Just keep that to yourself. How is that helpful?
My heart goes out to you. It is one of the most difficult things that so many of us have had to go through with our parents. But, she is there for a reason and as time goes on, it does get easier. It is such an emotional adjustment for all concerned. It helped my mother to have her "things" around her. Any of her favorite pictures, prints, bedspread, etc. help to give a homey feeling to the new environment. It helps if she can have a window view, if possible. My mother changed rooms a few times over a period of time.
Don't know your mother's condition; but anti-anxiety medication can help tremendously. I found wonderful support from the local Elder Services. Most areas should provide this service and the social workers and staff are so well trained. I don't know what I would have done without their support. They saved my sanity. Hopefully there is a Counsel on Aging or something of this nature in your area. Hugs to you across the miles.
I'm not even sure willows is a real person. Maybe just a mythical being, all powerful and all knowing, or perhaps extremely wealthy, a Leona Helmsley who has "little people" to take care of things.
My mom went to skilled nursing last fall and it was very difficult for my sister and I. I don't know your mom's situation/illness, but with mine we learned a surprise lesson. Mom was nasty and throwing on the guilt with us, non-compliant and argued with the staff about everything from assessments to tests to what meds they were giving her. But when we weren't there, she was agreeable and pleasant. So we stayed away for all key things, including the transfer to the NH. When she was in the NH, we did see her every day for the first week because my sister was from out of town. But the visits were short, which helped her adjust, to learn to rely on the staff. And it gave us time to try to rest, heal and take care of ourselves. We also learned from staff that she behaved differently when we were there, they said they saw it from mothers of daughters. I often time my visits for meals as the diversion of others keeps her in a more upbeat mood. We find comfort in knowing she's safe and well cared for. Sending you hug as it's difficult even when you know it's best.
When you are 50, you say "I would never put XXX in a nursing home" When you are 60, you worry about going to a nursing home. And when you are 70, you are beginning to ponder which one of you will have to go in a NH first. If you make it to 80, you want to go to a nursing home just for time off.
This isn't quite the same, but when my 3 year old son cried and screamed when we put him in coop preschool (his twin was a happy camper), the teachers and parents said NOT to be in the same room with him - that he would stop after a week or so...and he did. Why not try checking in daily - visiting briefly to bring something fun for your mom's room or coming in specifically for a craft time or song time or whatever - and then leaving, don't hang around without a specific thing to do. I also agree with Sacrifice777 in that the staff should see you there for your mom. It helps the caregivers to see your mom as a person and not a patient when they see you with her. This is true for hospital staff as well. I hope you'll post a follow up so we can see what worked for you.
Keep in mind that there is nothing that you can do. My mom is 95. I have to stay away from the NH, or she starts relying on me, instead of the staff. Your mom is not going to be happy, no matter where she is. You have to take care of you.
Is there someone else, besides you and your sister, that can check on your mom? You know, your mom may have no concept of time. She may not know if you visited every day or every week.
Is it possible to check on your mom, from afar? Like taking a peek, while they are all in the dining room?
I don't know about two weeks - depends what she's in the NH for - but do at least give yourself 48 hours to lie down and get your breath back. Just as things always look better in the morning, so it is much easier to keep perspective when your mother's screams aren't still ringing in your ears. Could you provide a bit more background, please?
The facility is likely to have a social worker on staff. Get in touch with him/her and talk to her about what you're going through. My dad's facility had a great social worker. She was overworked and it was hard to get her to do things but she was sweet and a great listener, always willing to help. We talked to her off and on throughout my dad's stay at the facility.
These first few days and weeks will be very difficult for your mom and for you. It's a huge adjustment for everyone. Your mom may be angry, may blame you and your sister. Just keep loving her and don't doubt that you did the right thing. Your profile has no information on your mom so I don't know if she has dementia but if she does she may begin to tell wild stories about abuse and being the victim of theft. Since she has dementia her word can't be believed so try not to react to every little thing she says. Of course, none of this may happen at all.
I know how difficult it is. I put my dad in a facility as well and while it was best for him, my heart still breaks when I think of it.
Don't know your mother's condition; but anti-anxiety medication can help tremendously. I found wonderful support from the local Elder Services. Most areas should provide this service and the social workers and staff are so well trained. I don't know what I would have done without their support. They saved my sanity. Hopefully there is a Counsel on Aging or something of this nature in your area. Hugs to you across the miles.
Why not try checking in daily - visiting briefly to bring something fun for your mom's room or coming in specifically for a craft time or song time or whatever - and then leaving, don't hang around without a specific thing to do.
I also agree with Sacrifice777 in that the staff should see you there for your mom. It helps the caregivers to see your mom as a person and not a patient when they see you with her. This is true for hospital staff as well.
I hope you'll post a follow up so we can see what worked for you.
Is there someone else, besides you and your sister, that can check on your mom?
You know, your mom may have no concept of time. She may not know if you visited every day or every week.
Is it possible to check on your mom, from afar? Like taking a peek, while they are all in the dining room?
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