We have our mother at home in hospice. How have others celebrated the holidays with a loved one so close to the end of life?

The last Christmas I shared with my dad, we went to a camp ground, the only ones there and roasted hot dogs, ate pork and beans out of the can, the only vegetables were potato chips and it was the best holiday I can remember with him. No gifts, no decorations and no meal prep, it was perfect.

We don't do family holidays, it's the time they ALL feel is appropriate to air any grievances they have. So, my husband and I do our own thing and wish the rest well. I am happy that I have this one memory of my dad at Christmas that brings a smile. I know he really enjoyed the drama free day as much as we did.

Do whatever you feel. Tradition isn't law.

Your plan of just you & sis and husbands sounds good.

if Mom is still eating, maybe a few small spoonfuls of her favorites. Put a holiday movie, the Hallmark channel, Christmas music from years past. Or football if mom was a fan a few small decorations near her bed and dinner table, a small or itty tree at xmas, some twinkle lights

im giving mom some warm socks, new nightgown and some lotion. And I’ll sit with her as long as I can

its not just my last with her, it’s her last. I want her mind to feel free to wander through happy holidays in the past.

hauzrlisa: Keeping it as easy as possible sounds like the best idea. For my mother's last Christmas (2013), she was in the hospital, but we arrived home (at her house) on Christmas night to have an easy dinner of oatmeal with raisins and hot tea (neither of us was especially hungry). After that, everything went downhill rapidly with my mother suffering a fatal ischemic stroke and was hospitalized during my January birthday.

geeze, isn't your mother important right now? she's near the end so celebrating should be on hold unless you celebrate her life. My mother had passed when i was 37 and she was 64 very close to thanksgiving. No one in my family felt happy enuf to have a celebration. do the right thing, wait until next year.

Have the small celebration for sure. Mom may be sleeping all the time but she’s still alive so that’s something to celebrate isn’t it? I volunteered at a hospice house. One lady was there much longer than expected (determining when a person’s life will end is an unexact science.). One day she had her two daughters visiting. Tho she seemingly was sleeping, I commented to her that she had raised two girls into lovely women. She responded, “I like to think so.” That was the first she’d spoken all day. You don’t know how much mom is perceiving of what’s going on around her. Give her the gift of her last holidays.

After reading these varied responses, choose what’s in your heart. What works for some, don’t necessarily work for others. My mom is in hospice at home with me. It’s just me and her and 2 caregivers while I work a full time job. Needless to say, I’ve got my hands full. I’d love to celebrate the holidays but I can’t find the strength or energy. I’m just struggling to get through this season of my mom’s life.

Plenty to celebrate. Just don't put any unneeded pressure on yourself to go all out. People will certainly understand. My mom responded to music, so maybe play some happy holiday music. I'm sure your family will be happy to see your mom, in whatever capacity she is in.

Celebrate with those who can. It’s not about gifts, but about love, gratitude, kindness toward others, miracles, companionship, being thoughtful.

if you need encouragement, watch the old cartoon version of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. The message is worthwhile.

Even in adverse situations, wartime, illness, grieving… remember to feel love for each other, joy, genetisity, appreciation for your own health and even kindness toward strangers.

Even when life seems impossible, there are people in our community and world who have it much worse.

if you don’t want to give gifts to each other and still are financially able, consider helping an immigrant family or even sending cards to those living in safe houses or making a meal for a shelter. It might make you feel better somehow.

None of us knows how much time we have left. Every year can bring more empty seats around the holiday table.

i wish I could spend even a moment of hospice with my parents so I could feel the warmth of their hand, watch them breathing and tell them I love them once again, even when they were too sick to respond. Try your best to appreciate the very simplest blessings.

Include her as much as you can. If she is bed ridden and is in another room bring her out for a few and then take her back when she shows tiredness. If her bed is in the open... as my Daddys was... have your party there. If she sleeps, she sleeps. Food - have a potluck it doesn't have to be traditional - Christmas is so crazy in the first place I always go to the local market and get fried chicken (since Covid they won't cook it on Christmas day). I would then place it in a (a throwaway) pan put that pan in the oven and reheat and its easy to serve. Everyone brings some sort of side - potatoes, rice, salad, what you bring is what we eat!. Use paper... easy clean up. The plates that are in the stores now are a fun way to have a nice table setting. Plastic ware, plastic table covers. Oh and large trashbags. Make it as easy as you can the aroma of the fried chicken will make your home a sanctuary!

Thank you all. I just needed the reassurance that I am doing the right thing. Usually Christmas for our family is a rather big celebration with lots of family members. Yes we decided to keep it simple this year... just my sister and I and our husbands. Mom is bedridden and sleeping most of the time. We will play it by hear, if and when shes awake, if she wants to sit up with us at the table (in the a joining bedroom) for a quick Christmas dinner, then we will do that. All I want to do is lay next to her and pray. This has been one hell of a year! The toll it has taken on both my sister and me has quite difficult. Thanks again and Gold Bless.