His relatives abroad (Philippines) leave Facebook messages asking for money. These are his siblings. While I can empathize with their problems, especially after a typhoon or natural disaster, I am feeling a bit numb after so many requests and when there seems to be little concern for what is happening to us (my mom died a few years ago, I’m the sole caretaker). I don’t want to become cynical but Dad’s wasting away is so overwhelming that I’m often fatigued by the end of the day. It’s not about the money, but the lack of feeling and consideration, that gets me down. Are we just an ATM machine? Do they not understand the severity of Dad’s health? The feeling that the “family” isn’t really family is so sad. In hindsight I can see that the generosity of my parents (a trait I always admired) should have been tempered with boundaries and discernment.
Your parents didn't owe these people anything and neither do you.
You've got enough on your plate with your father being so ill. Most certainly you do not need the additional burden of money-grubbing, greedy relatives panhandling you from another country.
Those relatives in the Philippines understand what cancer is. Everyone the world over knows that word.
I'm sure they do love and care about your father. They love and care about his money more though. Don't forget it and don't give them anything.
My friend married a girl from the Philippines (he isn't Filipino). She was a nice girl and they're still together now 20 years later. Her family over there never left them alone. They demanded and begged for money daily claiming that they were starving and couldn't even afford food. So they gave generously. Her husband's family pitied them as well and also gave generously. This went on for years. Until she saw some pictures on social media from her mother's birthday party. Mom was dripping with gold jewelry and showing off a brand-new Gucci handbag.
Her beggar siblings who cried they couldn't feed their kids or keep a roof over their heads were looking pretty good in designer clothes and everyone (including the kids) dripping in gold jewelry like grandma. This birthday party didn't look third-world to me. At a hotel with all kinds of food and decorations. Yet they were still hitting up my friends and their in-laws for more money.
When the money train finally stopped, the family over in the Philippines stopped contacting my friend, his Filipino wife and his family. In fact they had no contact with them for almost five years. During that time they had and lost a baby and not one of them reached out to even offer a condolence. One of the siblings did contact them when her daughter was getting married because they wanted them to pay for the wedding. Of course they didn't.
I think your family is like this. Don't give them a cent. It's not your fault they're poor and you didn't make them that way. Your priority needs to be yourself and your father.