Has anyone amended their will to take the non-caring adult child out of their share of inheritance?

Bettysdance, I think that the time to recognize members of the family who are giving something extra is while they are doing it - pay them for all the little tasks they do, even if it isn't anything more than gas money.

It is true that anyone can sue, but one line that I have seen in a will is, "If anyone contest this will, they are to receive nothing."

Thank all of you who replied. We have an extremely loving family and no matter how disappointed I am with my oldest son, I sure don't want to be remembered as a bitter person. Sadly, he is a Christian minister as well. I am going to leave the will the way it is, divided equally among the three children. I'd love to leave something for the grandchildren but that became too complicated.

[Just adding up on my fingers...]

If I've got this right, your three great kids *include* the oldest son from whom you are sadly? estranged, and you are feeling hurt that even knowing about your loss he has done nothing to be reconciled.

How recent was your loss?

Would it not be wiser to let it be until you have had more time to adjust? There is more to your relationships with all of your children than how you are feeling right now.

There are also more ways to appreciate your other children's kindnesses than leaving them a headache in your will :)

I hope things will get better for you, and that eventually your son will make an effort to explain himself.

As tempting as it might be to show your dislike of his behavior by cutting him out of your will completely, don't do it! Is it going to show him the error of his ways? Probably not. Is it going to make your "good kids" feel better? Probably not. Is that what you want to be remembered for? Probably not. It would be far wiser to try to improve your relationship while you are alive rather than using a will to communicate. If improving the relationship is not possible, at least remember him in some way in your will. You'll feel better.

I never thought of a will as being an award for good behavior but more like a legacy so to speak.

Otherwise you could be constantly changing it depending on who has been naughty or nice. Are we Santa Clause's or just human beings who want to leave something for kin?

I guess it really depends on how strongly you feel about this.

You can contest a will, unfortunately. However, you can put a clause in that states if the will is contested, the person contesting will receive nothing.

That discourages greed but it still has to go through the court, at the expense of the estate.

Doing a trust would guarantee your wishes are followed, then you would have a pour over will that directs everything goes to the trust, so no assets go directly to any beneficiary of your will. You can then state that your oldest is being intentionally left out and the reason if you choose. The trust is not a public document and you aren't even entitled to see it unless you are a beneficiary.

I am sorry for your loss of your husband, as well as your oldest child.

As others have said check your local jurisdiction. Here in BC, you have to leave very clear evidence as to why a Will is not equitable.

The evidence could be that you have already given one child more than the others. It could in your case be a means of paying the kids that do help you.

If you do not provide a justification in a lawyer prepared will, then the kids may be looking at a nasty fight.

My grandmother put in her will that anyone who contested her will would receive $1 and eternal disgust.

Nobody contested it, but it was so in character for her to do this.

Wills are not gifts or rewards. They are simply a legal way for someone to distribute their estate, Nobody OWES anybody anything.

Mother has written sis in and out of her will so many times...and it's such a joke b/c we all stand to inherit just less than $10 K. Won't make a bit of difference to me. She still holds it over our heads and it makes me laugh. She has nothing and that's fine. I don't WANT anything and I don't like the way she's pretended she's "rewarded" some of the sibs more "justly". It's just ridiculous.

Check with the state statutes whether you're required to leave children anything or a specific percentage. (I THINK California has such a requirement.) If not, acknowledge your son and you can put in comments about why you're disinheriting him or why you're leaving the small amount you are. If he or his relatives want to contest it, your written reasons will be an obstacle.

You can. You can do whatever you want. It's your will. But that will can be contested. A lawyer once told us that a change like that always leads to a court fight. It's just not the child you are disinheriting, it's his spouse and children that can also contest it. None of which should put you off. Just know that nothing in a will is set in stone. In the end, it's up to the probate judge. That will is pretty much just a request to that judge.

Whatever you do, do it sooner rather than later. Since the older you get, the more convincing anyone contesting the will can claim impairment.

A will is to honor those you wish to honor. Use it accordingly, but also not as a weapon to get back at anyone. JoAnn gave sound advice

Yes, I would think it has happened. And I can see the reason why he shouldn't inherit. Really its not fair to the other two who have stood by you.

I was told a long time ago, if you are leaving a child out of your will, leave them a dollar. This way you have acknowledged them and they can't contest the will. If you don't want to be that drastic, you can just leave him a small monetary amount. Leaving the bulk to the two who helped.

You will hear from caregivers who found after years of caregiving, the child who did nothing got the bulk of the estate. Or, the ones who did nothing showed up after a parents passing with their hands out.

Your Will can show how much you appreciated the two who did help. You can also show the one who didn't, how disappointed you were.