Has anyone amended their will to take the non-caring adult child out of their share of inheritance?

I am a firm believer and have a lifetime of experience in many situations as you mention above. If you have assets, etc. and want to give it to your children, then GIVE TO THOSE WHO LOVE YOU, ARE KIND TO YOU, AND HAVE BEEN THERE FOR YOU. Do N O T do this for children who don't fall into that category - they do NOT deserve anything. But to protect yourself legally, give them $l.00 and state in your will that if the will is contested, the money will not be given out ($l.00 recipient) and further state in the will WHY you are not giving the bad kid anything. Protect yourself in writing in the will with the help of a good attorney. Perhaps give the bad child's portion to a charity of your choosing.

I have a thought I'd like to toss in here. If you can, do something special for the good kids you are kind, loving and helping you - now. Then later take all of your assets upon your death and give it all to some good charities.

As a child who is the trustee of her mothers will, I now have to tell my siblings they get nothing. See when my mother was fine, she had some money. But now she is in an assisted living facility and the funds are dwindling down to nothing. Out of 7 kids only 1 visits. I live close to my mother and have been her guardian for some time after my dad passed. Then my mother moved in with me before her accident and her memory started to go. She is now in an assisted living place. So it's interesting this discussion. Her will stated that all her money was to be equally divided. Her bank account and other funds have been slowly dwindling due to medical issues. Medicine and doctors visits have taken the most of her funds. So when she passes, those who didn't bother to visit or keep in contact will be in for a shock. If possible give it to the ones visiting now. Don't wait. You never know what life is going to throw at you. If it were me. I'd take my mom on her last cruise and show her how much she meant to me. Show the love now. Don't wait.

My father recently passed away and I am the executor of his estate. When I was contacting the bank about his death I was very surprised to learn that he had left me what was in that account. The remainder of the estate was to be equally divided between myself and my 5 siblings. My 3 sisters were able to provide some assistance but my 2 brothers were useless. During my fathers last year of life he weekly wanted to do something special since I was the one who was always there but I told him to leave things the way they were so was very surprised with the bank account.

We've all heard the story to not make any dramatic decisions when in an emotional state - whether it be loss of a loved one, vehicle accident, you name it. Anyone will tell you for example - you do not buy a expensive boat, indulge in a Tesla when you're under duress. Sorry, but that was just an example. Do not make any rash decisions under duress, including - in this case - amending your will.

Please express your appreciation to the two children who help you. It means so much to hear it, so don't assume they know. Be specific. "I appreciate you driving me to the doctor today." I know many people will disagree and say money should be divided evenly, but I do not agree. If you are helping me, then I will express my appreciation by leaving you my assets. If you ghost me, well no. (Those of you who are going to object to my reasoning, please know that I do not actually have children.) My grandmom had three children. One of them lived with her and took care of her, one visited and one didn't. Her will divided everything three ways, but... Grandmom had set up a joint bank account with the child who lived with her. That child indicated (for tax purposes) to the lawyer that grandmom had funded that account all with her money. The bottom line was that grandmom effectively left 50% to the one sibling. Grandmom was very clever. Unless you looked closely at the numbers and did the math, you would not realize what she had done.
It's your money, so you have an absolute right to do what you want with it. It seems like you want to leave your money to the children who actually speak to you. If so, just make sure the will is written by a lawyer. The will needs to name the son as your son and then specifically say that you are leaving nothing or less to that person. This makes it clear that you didn't accidentally forget his existence. Putting a reason in there may be helpful legally. You may want to write a letter to be given to the son upon your death expressing your reasons. What is the relationship between this son and the two other children? Does he speak to them? I'm sure he will be upset if he is left out of the will. The more money there is, the more upset he will be. If he doesn't have a relationship with his siblings now, it will be easier on them to deal with his upset.

There are many ways to pass assets at your death before the will even becomes involved.
Financial accounts, including retirement accounts and life insurance policies as well as bank accounts, can (and should) have named beneficiaries or PODs (Pay on Death).
In my state, vehicles can be titled with a named Transfer on Death owner. The title reads "Owner TOD Favorite Daughter" for example. Real Estate the same--the TOD is named on the deed. These processes are pretty inexpensive to implement and have many advantages over a will:
1) The assets pass outside of probate, so no one has to know how much you left to whom, and there is no probate fee for these transferred assets.
2) You have unrestricted use and complete control of the assets until you die, so you don't run out of money you might need just because you gave things away.
3) It's fairly easy to transfer money between accounts and/or change PODs and even TODs, so if you change your mind because circumstances change, you dont have to prepare a new will.
4) The asset basis to your heirs is stepped up to value at your death, which is very important for tax purposes.
5) Once you've named your helpful children as beneficiaries and TODs as you have chosen, your will can say that everything else is divided equally. So, no reason for Rev Out of Sight to feel slighted by your will distribution. And his siblings can--or not--tell him whatever they want about what they got.

My husband is leaving more assets to his son because he's a single dad with no retirement account while the daughter has a husband to help her and her own pension and retirement.
It's your choice. You may want to discuss it with the helpful ones, and name one of them as your Executor. You can explain your reasons to them now, or leave them a letter of explanation outside of the will.

What you have here is an opportunity not just to reward the children who have contributed most to your care, but also to set the tone of the siblings relationships after you are gone. Rather than explaining what you're doing as disinheriting one child, explain it as giving a greater share to the ones who were able to do the most caregiving because you know that it affected their ability to earn income and save for their own retirement. Then, give a significantly greater share, but not nothing and not $1. For example, a 10%, 45%, 45% split. Just my two cents.

I am speaking from the child’s point of view. I am the only daughter, married to an only child who has two sets of step siblings. Lots of drama on all sides.

I am emotional support for my mom, tho she lives out of town. She has a son who is there for her but morally not on the same page. My brother who should be helping her has a wife with “issues” who prevents him from helping much.

My hubby’s side of the family is a whole mother ball of wax.

My take is this—if you favor one child in your will, you set your kids up for resentment and ill will after you are gone. My husband is on disability and we could use it but I DO NOT want more as it will affect family relations. So not worth it.

instead, my mom does things for us now, which we appreciateand which help us out. That’s how she shows her appreciation. And our relationship is worth more than gold. I do it for the love and not the money. We will get a decent inheritance so the amount doesn’t count. It’s doing the right thing. Let God be the judge.

Reward the ones who help you when you’re alive and leave equal shares shares when you’re gone so they stay family because is ‘t That more Important?
Ps. My dad was a probate attorney and that was also his advice. Revenge from beyond the grave is pointless. Speak to them now.

when my MIL passed a few years ago, she left nothing to her youngest daughter, but 50% to my husband and 50% to his brother. the reason? her daughter stole from her, took her good jewelry and all her photos.

she also had nothing much to split over. the daugher was really, really mad and took it on on my husband.

Early on the OP said she was living her will as is, son will be treated equally.

Give those that help some monetary payment while you are alive. Then, when you die you can leave them all the same share and make it look
like you were a good mother.

If you feel like you need to specifically exclude someone in your will, do include some kind of reason. A wealthy bachelor uncle in our family distributed money and assets to most of his nieces and nephews. Several other nieces and nephews were excluded by name, with no reason given. (Because their names appeared in the will, they each were mailed a copy of the will.) They felt hurt and offended, as they had always been on good terms. Much later it was discovered that the uncle wrote the will when his brother was still living, and he had assumed that the brother's children would inherit from their father.